DRAMA, SUSPENSE

Celine hires her estranged twin sister to kidnap her cheating husband. But the tables turn when she is blackmailed to release the Tummi Turtle product that contain drugs and create a commercial to promote it. Killian's wife and daughter are kidnapped and heis blackmailed into creating a commercial for the Tummi Turtle but finds out his long lost, twin brother is behind it. His wife faked her kidnapping.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

There is no real book profile for Tummi Turtle. There is an incoherent sentence. The summary is more in line with a book profile, explaining some of the characters and the plot.

The story jumps right into the plot with Celine explaining that her husband is cheating on her. Her friend Liz suggest they have him kidnapped and then it is revealed that Celine is having an affair with Liz's husband.

This story is broken into 2 books that have many similarities. Both main characters have a long lost twin sibling and are involved in a false kidnapping plot. Neither if these stories feel realistic because so much is going on at once. The dialogue is overly explanatory and the two books barely connect. They have a common thread with a few characters and the Tummi Turtle but neither have a resolution.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Tummi Turtle, the pregnancy aid, are a front to ship drugs and Celine and Killian are being blackmailed to promote the product. I would watch for the complex, intertwining storylines if they had a comprehensive conclusion.

This would have smaller fanbase. It needs to be more realistic and tie up lose strings. The two books parallel each other but do not connect in a meaningful way. The characters actions and dialogue do not appear natural.

This does not have awards potential. It could if developed with more dynamic characters and realistic encounters. There are many stories where an unbelievable event happens after another unbelievable event but most of this seems implausible.

MEDIUM BUDGET

BURN AFTER READING, PAIN AND GAIN, 9 TO 5

This story has some original elements with the combination of false kidnappings, drug cartels and long lost twin siblings. Other than that, much of this story feels predictable. To be more unique, it needs to mesh the two books together. Celine and Killian's story should compliment each other and reveal more about the central story. Killian's story feels very separate and barely connects with Celine's, except for being almost identical to it.

The lead characters are normal people trying to play at being bad guys. Celine is a normal woman that goes along with the plan to have her husband fake kidnapped. She becomes enthralled in a drug plot and gets many people around her killed. The motivation for her to do that is peer pressure which isn't believable.

This is not a gem, but it has potential to be an interesting and entertaining story. The people behind the drugs and threats should be explored more and the two stories should compliment each other, revealing more about the plot. There needs to be a resolution to this story.

Film - Studio, Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

To become a consider, this story needs more cohesiveness. The two books are separate stories with common characters. Celine and Killian's story should not be so closely copied. Both have family kidnapped by their estranged, devious twin siblings. They both think they have the upper hand but don't and suffer for it. The events need to be more unique with less jumps from crazy storyline to crazy storyline.