TummiTurtle

Book Cover

SUSPENSE/THRILLER CRIME MYSTERY

Contemporary

Tom Dots Doherty

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Logline

In TummiTurtle the kidnapped get kidnapped as Doyle turns to gangsters for help and ignites a series of double-crossings.

Genre

Suspense/Thriller,Crime,Mystery

Short Summary

Through her best friend, Celine Doyle enlists a gangster (her twin sister, who she was estranged from at birth) to kidnap her husband. The ransom is that Celine’s advertising agency makes a TV commercial for a pregnancy aid, and gets a client to import and sell it.


Celine kills her twin sister and then contacts a journalist to tell her story.

Setting

Dublin, Ireland

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Other

Plot - Other Elements

Other

Mature Audience Themes

Extreme Violence, Language/Profanity

Main Character Details

Name: Celine Doyle

Age: 35

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Charming,Obedient,Sexy,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Outspoken,Secretive,Sarcastic,Educated,Seductive,Honorable,Sophisticated,Leader,Manipulative,Naive

Additional Character Details

Name: Micky

Age: 35

Gender: Female

Role: Antagonist

Key Traits: Masculine,Badass,Aggressive,Villainous,Charming,Complex,Uneducated,Confident,Criminal,Blunt,Decisive,Power Hungry,Skillful,Greedy,Sarcastic,Secretive,Leader,Manipulative,Unapologetic

Additional Character Details

Name: Liz Moore

Age: 36

Gender: Female

Role: mentor

Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Faithful,Sarcastic,Educated,Leader

Additional Character Details

Name: Nick Moore

Age: 38

Gender: Male

Role: sidekick

Key Traits: Masculine,Badass,Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Blunt,Sarcastic,Secretive,Educated

Development Pitch

In TummiTurtle the kidnapped get kidnapped and it would make an ideal Movie or TV show as it could be set and shot in various locations, involves human emotions, can be cast with male, female or minority characters, and takes an angle that is far removed from the standard detective, serial killer, or police procedural series and yet TummiTurtle packs enough twists and suspense to cater for crime and mystery fans.

About The Author

The writer of three books, Tom Dots Doherty was the managing director of a leading advertising agency in Ireland, is a fellow of the Institute of Advertising Practitioners in Ireland, and chaired the Irish Advertising Effectiveness Awards. He lives in Dublin with his wife and two daughters.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Status: Yes: self-published

Publisher: Me

Year Published: 2021

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

9798592701818

Genre

DRAMA, SUSPENSE

Brief

Celine hires her estranged twin sister to kidnap her cheating husband. But the tables turn when she is blackmailed to release the Tummi Turtle product that contain drugs and create a commercial to promote it. Killian's wife and daughter are kidnapped and heis blackmailed into creating a commercial for the Tummi Turtle but finds out his long lost, twin brother is behind it. His wife faked her kidnapping.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

There is no real book profile for Tummi Turtle. There is an incoherent sentence. The summary is more in line with a book profile, explaining some of the characters and the plot.

Draw of Story

The story jumps right into the plot with Celine explaining that her husband is cheating on her. Her friend Liz suggest they have him kidnapped and then it is revealed that Celine is having an affair with Liz's husband.

Possible Drawbacks

This story is broken into 2 books that have many similarities. Both main characters have a long lost twin sibling and are involved in a false kidnapping plot. Neither if these stories feel realistic because so much is going on at once. The dialogue is overly explanatory and the two books barely connect. They have a common thread with a few characters and the Tummi Turtle but neither have a resolution.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is that Tummi Turtle, the pregnancy aid, are a front to ship drugs and Celine and Killian are being blackmailed to promote the product. I would watch for the complex, intertwining storylines if they had a comprehensive conclusion.

Fanbase Potential

This would have smaller fanbase. It needs to be more realistic and tie up lose strings. The two books parallel each other but do not connect in a meaningful way. The characters actions and dialogue do not appear natural.

Awards Potential

This does not have awards potential. It could if developed with more dynamic characters and realistic encounters. There are many stories where an unbelievable event happens after another unbelievable event but most of this seems implausible.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

BURN AFTER READING, PAIN AND GAIN, 9 TO 5

What’s New About the Story

This story has some original elements with the combination of false kidnappings, drug cartels and long lost twin siblings. Other than that, much of this story feels predictable. To be more unique, it needs to mesh the two books together. Celine and Killian's story should compliment each other and reveal more about the central story. Killian's story feels very separate and barely connects with Celine's, except for being almost identical to it.

Lead Characters

The lead characters are normal people trying to play at being bad guys. Celine is a normal woman that goes along with the plan to have her husband fake kidnapped. She becomes enthralled in a drug plot and gets many people around her killed. The motivation for her to do that is peer pressure which isn't believable.

Uniqueness of Story

This is not a gem, but it has potential to be an interesting and entertaining story. The people behind the drugs and threats should be explored more and the two stories should compliment each other, revealing more about the plot. There needs to be a resolution to this story.

Possible Formats

Film - Studio, Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

To become a consider, this story needs more cohesiveness. The two books are separate stories with common characters. Celine and Killian's story should not be so closely copied. Both have family kidnapped by their estranged, devious twin siblings. They both think they have the upper hand but don't and suffer for it. The events need to be more unique with less jumps from crazy storyline to crazy storyline.