SUSPENSE/THRILLER CRIME MYSTERY
Tom Dots Doherty
In TummiTurtle the kidnapped get kidnapped as Doyle turns to gangsters for help and ignites a series of double-crossings.
Through her best friend, Celine Doyle enlists a gangster (her twin sister, who she was estranged from at birth) to kidnap her husband. The ransom is that Celine’s advertising agency makes a TV commercial for a pregnancy aid, and gets a client to import and sell it.
Celine kills her twin sister and then contacts a journalist to tell her story.
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Plot - Other Elements
Mature Audience Themes
Extreme Violence, Language/Profanity
Main Character Details
Name: Celine Doyle
Key Traits: Charming,Obedient,Sexy,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Outspoken,Secretive,Sarcastic,Educated,Seductive,Honorable,Sophisticated,Leader,Manipulative,Naive
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Masculine,Badass,Aggressive,Villainous,Charming,Complex,Uneducated,Confident,Criminal,Blunt,Decisive,Power Hungry,Skillful,Greedy,Sarcastic,Secretive,Leader,Manipulative,Unapologetic
Additional Character Details
Name: Liz Moore
Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Faithful,Sarcastic,Educated,Leader
Additional Character Details
Name: Nick Moore
Key Traits: Masculine,Badass,Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Blunt,Sarcastic,Secretive,Educated
In TummiTurtle the kidnapped get kidnapped and it would make an ideal Movie or TV show as it could be set and shot in various locations, involves human emotions, can be cast with male, female or minority characters, and takes an angle that is far removed from the standard detective, serial killer, or police procedural series and yet TummiTurtle packs enough twists and suspense to cater for crime and mystery fans.
Celine hires her estranged twin sister to kidnap her cheating husband. But the tables turn when she is blackmailed to release the Tummi Turtle product that contain drugs and create a commercial to promote it. Killian's wife and daughter are kidnapped and heis blackmailed into creating a commercial for the Tummi Turtle but finds out his long lost, twin brother is behind it. His wife faked her kidnapping.
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
There is no real book profile for Tummi Turtle. There is an incoherent sentence. The summary is more in line with a book profile, explaining some of the characters and the plot.
Draw of Story
The story jumps right into the plot with Celine explaining that her husband is cheating on her. Her friend Liz suggest they have him kidnapped and then it is revealed that Celine is having an affair with Liz's husband.
This story is broken into 2 books that have many similarities. Both main characters have a long lost twin sibling and are involved in a false kidnapping plot. Neither if these stories feel realistic because so much is going on at once. The dialogue is overly explanatory and the two books barely connect. They have a common thread with a few characters and the Tummi Turtle but neither have a resolution.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Tummi Turtle, the pregnancy aid, are a front to ship drugs and Celine and Killian are being blackmailed to promote the product. I would watch for the complex, intertwining storylines if they had a comprehensive conclusion.
This would have smaller fanbase. It needs to be more realistic and tie up lose strings. The two books parallel each other but do not connect in a meaningful way. The characters actions and dialogue do not appear natural.
This does not have awards potential. It could if developed with more dynamic characters and realistic encounters. There are many stories where an unbelievable event happens after another unbelievable event but most of this seems implausible.
Similar Films/TV Series
BURN AFTER READING, PAIN AND GAIN, 9 TO 5
What’s New About the Story
This story has some original elements with the combination of false kidnappings, drug cartels and long lost twin siblings. Other than that, much of this story feels predictable. To be more unique, it needs to mesh the two books together. Celine and Killian's story should compliment each other and reveal more about the central story. Killian's story feels very separate and barely connects with Celine's, except for being almost identical to it.
The lead characters are normal people trying to play at being bad guys. Celine is a normal woman that goes along with the plan to have her husband fake kidnapped. She becomes enthralled in a drug plot and gets many people around her killed. The motivation for her to do that is peer pressure which isn't believable.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a gem, but it has potential to be an interesting and entertaining story. The people behind the drugs and threats should be explored more and the two stories should compliment each other, revealing more about the plot. There needs to be a resolution to this story.
Film - Studio, Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series
WORK IN PROGRESS
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
To become a consider, this story needs more cohesiveness. The two books are separate stories with common characters. Celine and Killian's story should not be so closely copied. Both have family kidnapped by their estranged, devious twin siblings. They both think they have the upper hand but don't and suffer for it. The events need to be more unique with less jumps from crazy storyline to crazy storyline.