COMEDY, ACTION, DRAMA, FANTASY

Jeremy accidentally travels back in time to catch a magpie who stole his family heirloom. Suddenly in the 17th century, Jeremy discovers even more hidden powers. He uses his newfound ability to talk to animals to help him and his friends regain the heirloom his mother gave him from the mischievous magpie.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The book profile does reflect the story, but the short summary could be a bit more clear and the development pitch could add some elaboration. The development pitch in explaining why the story is marketable would benefit in mentioning the themes of the story so the audience understands how the magic and characters are relatable. The short summary's switch to the perspective of the witch adds further information but would be clearer in keeping Jeremy as the protagonist instead of switching between the two characters.

The idea that the magpie is supernatural but also that Jeremy has hidden powers on top of suddenly being able to time travel is fun in that he enjoys his newfound abilities without added seriousness. His mission remains simple and successful.

The dialogue can slow down the pacing at times and the inner conflicts of the characters are not always apparent. Making sure the dialogue retains purpose either in plot progression and or character development will help quicken the pacing and shorten the banter that has already been established in the friends' dynamics.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Jeremy is given a small present that is stolen by a bird and then suddenly Jeremy can time travel along with the bird.

For an original fantasy suitable for children this might have a decent fan base with more distinct themes within the inner conflicts to match the fun external conflict but provide greater depth and emotional investment.

If animated, the story as an adaptation could possibly win within children's categories or for prestige animation categories, but as a children's film in live action there is less change that the story would be nominated.

MEDIUM BUDGET

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON, ARTHUR AND THE SORCERER’S STONE, PHIL OF THE FUTURE, A WRINKLE IN TIME, CHARLOTTE’S WEB, DR. DOLITTLE

The originality stems from the magical abilities Jeremy gains from his quest. The first being time travel and the second being the ability to talk to animals.

Jeremy is curious, friendly and carefree. Mr. Sterling is dutiful but with a solid sense of humor. Mrs. Fitzy is direct, gutsy and confident.

The fantasy premise if fun, but more transformation to the inner conflicts and dialogue adjustments are needed to reach the narrative's full potential in plot and character.

Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

Jeremy accidentally travels back in time to catch a magpie who stole his family heirloom. Suddenly in the 17th century, Jeremy discovers even more hidden powers. He uses his newfound ability to talk to animals to help him and his friends regain the heirloom his mother gave him from the mischievous magpie.

Making sure the protagonist and side characters have clear inner conflicts to become less static and increase emotional investment in their mission. Condensing the dialogue to create more purposeful conversations that progress the storyline would also help if incorporated.