The Unraveling
ACTION ADVENTURE CRIME WAR FAMILY MYSTERY SUSPENSE/THRILLER ROMANCE
1980s & '90s
PJ Franklin
Submision Type
book
Logline
I offer you a mystery crime story entwined into a romantic thriller. I wrote The Unraveling with a brisk pace, crackling chemistry, witty banter, romantic moments that make you melt, a high stakes plot, characters that jump off the page with the surprise of witchery, finishing with a dramatic ending
Genre
Action,Adventure,Crime,War,Family,Mystery,Suspense/Thriller,Romance
Short Summary
The protagonist is back from war and now building his business and his family. When all was going so good, all hell broke out with the greed and betrayal of family members and business associates. They created a huge problem that leads Kyle to become a part of The Family!
Setting
San Francisco 1980's
Based on a True Story
Yes
Plot - Premise
Rags to Riches,Rebellion Against 'The One',Voyage and Return,Tragedy,Overcoming Monster/Villain
Plot - Other Elements
Twist,Meaningful Message,Other
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Kyle Stone
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Masculine,Sexy,Patriotic,Religious,Heartthrob,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Secretive,Romantic,Seductive,Skillful,Visionary
Additional Character Details
Name: Yvonne Lang
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Role: Emotional
Key Traits: Charming,Sexy,Faithful,Engaging,Seductive,Heartthrob
Additional Character Details
Name: David
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Aggressive,Narcisstic,Criminal,Desperate,Greedy,Outspoken,Villainous,Insecure
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Genre
ROMANCE, ACTION, SUSPENSE, FANTASY
Brief
After coming back from war, Kyle is a rich entrepreneur who is betrayed by his own family and business partners. In the end, after fate seems to take revenge on everyone who made him suffer, a plane crash defies his own survival skills.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
It is accurate, but the logline should present the main theme and the story of the book.
Draw of Story
The mix of genres such as action, drama and suspense, in addition to the indication of a more supernatural content.
Possible Drawbacks
The book's overall confusion, in addition to somewhat sexist scenes.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The mix of genres, but it lacks balance for the story to actually work.
Fanbase Potential
The story would have the potential to please both action and supernatural storytelling fans, but it must undergo major adaptations to succeed on the big screen.
Awards Potential
Not at the moment, the story still needs changes and major revisions.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE - A STORY OF WAR VETERANS WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH TRAUMA AS THEY TRY TO READJUST TO FAMILY LIFE. GOODFELLAS: A FILM CENTERED ON MAFIA ACTION AND BETRAYALS THAT SHAPE THE PROTAGONIST'S LIFE THROUGHOUT THE STORY.
What’s New About the Story
The story is quite original in its merging of a supernatural parallel plot with the central narrative, which is more down to earth and straightforward. However, the execution is messy, and the two don't seem to connect very well.
Lead Characters
The main character has morally dubious actions, but still ends up being the moral mainstay of the narrative, full of opportunistic and unreliable characters.
Uniqueness of Story
Definitely not a rare gem. There are several problematic aspects that need to be better worked on in the book for the plot to work, such as the dialogues and some sexist characteristics.
Possible Formats
Film: Studio, Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
First, the narrative needs major revisions to be ready for adaptation. Dialogue, for example, almost always sounds clunky or rather hard to believe. It is necessary to try to adjust the characters' voices and their opinions to the events of the story and a more credible narrative vision. The characters themselves aren't developed enough either. Many of them are presented in several paragraphs of expository text right at the beginning of the story, but there is no progressive development of their personalities, a trend that also includes the protagonist. There is a central problem in the story, in which women appear as criminal backstabbing or traitors in almost every case. Furthermore, there is an excess of sexualized scenes about them, which can be considered degrading or even convey a view that they were constructed by male gaze. This all needs to be revised and adjusted to guarantee that the adaptation is captivating to the audience and doesn't attract criticism and controversy. Only in this way, with important and profound changes in the narrative, the story could make more sense and have greater potential for a film adaptation.