The Unraveling

Book Cover

ACTION ADVENTURE CRIME WAR FAMILY MYSTERY SUSPENSE/THRILLER ROMANCE

1980s & '90s

PJ Franklin

  • -
  • Views

Logline

I offer you a mystery crime story entwined into a romantic thriller. I wrote The Unraveling with a brisk pace, crackling chemistry, witty banter, romantic moments that make you melt, a high stakes plot, characters that jump off the page with the surprise of witchery, finishing with a dramatic ending

Genre

Action,Adventure,Crime,War,Family,Mystery,Suspense/Thriller,Romance

Short Summary

The protagonist is back from war and now building his business and his family. When all was going so good, all hell broke out with the greed and betrayal of family members and business associates. They created a huge problem that leads Kyle to become a part of The Family!


After the Russians attack his boat, and four are killed, Kyle goes to Mexico to lay low. An airplane crash tops it all off.

Setting

San Francisco 1980's

Based on a True Story

Yes

Plot - Premise

Rags to Riches,Rebellion Against 'The One',Voyage and Return,Tragedy,Overcoming Monster/Villain

Plot - Other Elements

Twist,Meaningful Message,Other

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Main Character Details

Name: Kyle Stone

Age: 26

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Masculine,Sexy,Patriotic,Religious,Heartthrob,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Secretive,Romantic,Seductive,Skillful,Visionary

Additional Character Details

Name: Yvonne Lang

Age: 24

Gender: Female

Role: Emotional

Key Traits: Charming,Sexy,Faithful,Engaging,Seductive,Heartthrob

Additional Character Details

Name: David

Age: 28

Gender: Female

Role: antagonist

Key Traits: Aggressive,Narcisstic,Criminal,Desperate,Greedy,Outspoken,Villainous,Insecure

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Development Pitch

I offer you a mystery crime story entwined into a romantic thriller. I wrote The Unraveling with a brisk pace, crackling chemistry, witty banter, romantic moments that make you melt, a high stakes plot, characters that jump off the page with the surprise of witchery, finishing with a dramatic ending. A story like no other, derived from my personal experiences before becoming The United States Veteran of the Year by the President and Producer of The USO Entertainment. He did not waste his time away, plans were made, blueprints were created, and he was ready to execute. What happens next to Kyle will keep the reader turning pages as they immerse themselves into the craziest events that keep on happening as he forbids himself to quit, no matter how crazy it unravels into a mystery thriller crime story that effects the lives of those who tried to destroy him, they were warned. I have been wanting to write this story for the last 20 years. A story that I need to tell, as it was my experiences that drove me to write a mystery thriller. Being I lived it, it is fresh, and the characters are realistic. I had to add the paranormal activity as it was something we all lived in amazement. There is the crime family in the story lending an exciting new direction as the life of Kyle and The Family is told. Women are always part of a good story and Kyle had the best and he had the worst. Throw in an allusive Supernatural White Candle that seems to have its own powers, powers that took one m

About The Author

The story of the protagonist, Kyle Stone, is based on PJ Franklin’s life. It was derived from his life experiences, starting when he lost his father to suicide at a tender age. He lived with several families before he found his home in the Army. After a year of intense training in combat engineering, he earned his commission as an Infantry Officer at just eighteen years old. He served during the Vietnam war and received injuries that would later become crippling. After serving in the Army, J Franklin started a business alongside his family, his future looked great. What followed were some of the strangest events leading up to betrayal, greed, corporate corruption, witchcraft, paranormal activity, and much more. Those years were the craziest in his life. Thus The Unraveling had to be written. PJ Franklin spent many years in the Entertainment business as a rock star manager, Concert, and Movie Producer, and was honored to be Producer of USO Entertainment, Bob Hope, serving our military delivering the best entertainment to those deployed throughout the world. By producing a USO Show, he not only selected and negotiated with artists and management, formatted the show from music to comedy to dance, and organized the logistics of travel. He saw sick, terminally ill children throughout his travels and decided to do something to help them. He chose the magic of movie-making to reach out to them. The children became the stars of their movies. The results were amazing for these children, and it gave them a will to live again. For over twenty-five years, PJ Franklin founded ‘The United States Entertainment Force,’ a nonprofit charity serving the USA military and their families. In addition, they set up the ‘Hopes and Dreams Project,’ which was also for sick children and gave them life through the magic of movie-making. Looking back at his life, it seemed necessary to take the time to finish writing his story, The Unraveling from his home in California with his wife Lynn and dog Duke. It weaved through a time in his life when he was surrounded by those consumed by greed, corruption, and deceit as they graveled for what they could steal from what was not theirs. In simpler times to the present, they look back and shake their heads and be thankful they are still alive and still have time to enjoy their happiness. Today they keep looking for hope and love for everyone. PJ Franklin can be contacted at pjfranklin9@gmail.com.  

Target Audiences

Age: 13-17,18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

San Francisco

Publishing Details

Status: No

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

Information not completed

Genre

ROMANCE, ACTION, SUSPENSE, FANTASY

Brief

After coming back from war, Kyle is a rich entrepreneur who is betrayed by his own family and business partners. In the end, after fate seems to take revenge on everyone who made him suffer, a plane crash defies his own survival skills.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

It is accurate, but the logline should present the main theme and the story of the book.

Draw of Story

The mix of genres such as action, drama and suspense, in addition to the indication of a more supernatural content.

Possible Drawbacks

The book's overall confusion, in addition to somewhat sexist scenes.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The mix of genres, but it lacks balance for the story to actually work.

Fanbase Potential

The story would have the potential to please both action and supernatural storytelling fans, but it must undergo major adaptations to succeed on the big screen.

Awards Potential

Not at the moment, the story still needs changes and major revisions.

Envisioned Budget

LARGE BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE - A STORY OF WAR VETERANS WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH TRAUMA AS THEY TRY TO READJUST TO FAMILY LIFE. GOODFELLAS: A FILM CENTERED ON MAFIA ACTION AND BETRAYALS THAT SHAPE THE PROTAGONIST'S LIFE THROUGHOUT THE STORY.

What’s New About the Story

The story is quite original in its merging of a supernatural parallel plot with the central narrative, which is more down to earth and straightforward. However, the execution is messy, and the two don't seem to connect very well.

Lead Characters

The main character has morally dubious actions, but still ends up being the moral mainstay of the narrative, full of opportunistic and unreliable characters.

Uniqueness of Story

Definitely not a rare gem. There are several problematic aspects that need to be better worked on in the book for the plot to work, such as the dialogues and some sexist characteristics.

Possible Formats

Film: Studio, Streaming

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

First, the narrative needs major revisions to be ready for adaptation. Dialogue, for example, almost always sounds clunky or rather hard to believe. It is necessary to try to adjust the characters' voices and their opinions to the events of the story and a more credible narrative vision. The characters themselves aren't developed enough either. Many of them are presented in several paragraphs of expository text right at the beginning of the story, but there is no progressive development of their personalities, a trend that also includes the protagonist. There is a central problem in the story, in which women appear as criminal backstabbing or traitors in almost every case. Furthermore, there is an excess of sexualized scenes about them, which can be considered degrading or even convey a view that they were constructed by male gaze. This all needs to be revised and adjusted to guarantee that the adaptation is captivating to the audience and doesn't attract criticism and controversy. Only in this way, with important and profound changes in the narrative, the story could make more sense and have greater potential for a film adaptation.