THRILLER, DRAMA, LGBT

Three men embark must join a BDSM club through various positions in order to get to the man who runs it. They must get to this man in order to find a missing man and stop more crimes from happening. Torture and slavery goes on within the club and the team but allow some of it in order not to endanger others further.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The book profile does reflect certain truths about the book, however it creates confusing gaps within the story. For example the logline does not have context about which characters from the details connect to the plot. There is a similar vagueness to the development pitch talking about characters without attaching their names.

The opening is quite bleak of the captive man but fits well into introducing the importance of talking down the antagonist. It creates investment in the antagonist's demise.

The dialogue and scene length can feel too long at times and therefore delay the pacing when it focuses on minute details or possible future actions or actions that do not progress the main conflict.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that three men have to initiate themselves into a suspect BDSM club in order to save people but this involves having to do or witness the suspect things to gain further levels into the fold.

This could have a larger fanbase with more distinct inner conflicts for the ensemble. Due to its erotic content, the audience is limited to mature audiences who also might be smaller due to the graphic nature of the antagonist's sexual violence.

This is unlikely to have awards potential due to the genre as a sexual thriller.

LOW BUDGET

THE LOFT, CRUISING, THE DEPARTED, SERPICO, CITY OF FIRE

The originality of the story stems from the specific darkness of a subspace that is taken advantage of and the willingness of the protagonists to sacrifice themselves to save others despite the vulnerability and damage it causes in gaining entry into Dom's Haven.

The men who enter the darkness of Dom's Haven are brave, self-sacrificing, self-motivated, loyal and desperate. Their righteous anger at the atrocities allows for the risks in order to create the change.

This has some interesting themes and plot elements but the characters are bit hard to follow given the structure and the conflict is hard to follow at times due to the pacing.

Film: Streaming, Indie

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Some scenes can be shortened by focusing on what is happening rather than having the characters guess what will or discuss what is not happening. This will help progress the main conflict more smoothly in order to create more consistent pacing. The POV also could benefit to have longer scenes that progress the plot from a specific character in order to progress the characters' inner conflict development or stick to less POVs as this can be confusing when it switches too quickly between characters.