SUSPENSE, ACTION

Eldon is a wealthy businessman who sees his life change when his wife is brutally murdered, and his daughter kidnapped. He starts an investigation to find his daughter, only to discover that government associations are involved.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: GOOD

Theme: FAIR

Kimberley doesn't seem to take the lead role. She works best as an Eldon sidekick. Someone who will help him solve the problem. Eldon is the sole protagonist of the story.

The story begins from the point of view of Jason, one of the villains, and we get to know a little about his personality and personal backstory. It's interesting because it humanizes in some way all characters, regardless of the role they occupy and the acts they commit.

Two stories move parallelly. The one of an entrepreneur Eldon who must fight to maintain his empire, and the one of Eldon who lost his wife and had his daughter kidnapped. Although both stories are necessary for the outcome and have details in common, Eldon's personal story turns out to be much more interesting. That's why when Elton's entrepreneurial action takes too much time, the plot loses some of its strength.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The crime, and the criminal investigation, end up being the hook. We've already figured out the reasons behind the kidnapping from the beginning, but there's still the curiosity to know how the investigation will end.

The story may draw fans of crime investigation narratives and action movies. The setting of the casino hotel in the Bahamas is an attraction in itself.

No. The story has a good narrative structure, and the protagonist's motivation has some drama. However, I believe that more significant development of characters and conflicts is needed to increase the potential for awards.

MEDIUM BUDGET

MAN ON FIRE: A CHILD IS KIDNAPPED, AND THE PROTAGONIST GOES AFTER THE CRIMINALS. TAKEN: A MAN HAS HIS DAUGHTER KIDNAPPED BY WOMEN TRAFFICKERS AND GOES AFTER CRIMINALS.

The setting of the hotel-casino, whose owner is the protagonist of the plot, is somehow original. Otherwise, the story is quite similar to other action and suspense movies.

Kimberley is a good female character. Intelligent, fearless, active, she really makes a difference in the story. The secondary characters, by the way, are the most interesting in the plot. Eldon ends up looking very simplistic as a character next to everyone else.

It's not a rare gem, as films with this narrative have been made before. However, it's a good action film with the potential to be entertaining.

Film: Indie, Streaming, Studio

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

First of all, better-defined characters that could generate empathy. Eldon is a wealthy man who lives very comfortably and has numerous employees to assist him. This is not a problem, but he, despite loving his family, sounds a bit cold about what happened. He doesn't seem to care that much about his wife's death and becomes interested in Kimberley during the investigation. Although love affairs look essential for action movies, Eldon's romance is kind of disastrous in this specific case. All his motivation and goals have to do with his family, so he should suffer from grief and mourn a little longer. According to the profile, it is based on a true story. Even so, some adjustments in characters and plot are necessary to make everything more coherent and efficient within the proposal. Eldon ends up having his family targeted by criminals precisely because of his job, and at that time he could show a little more concern for his family and less for his work. It is understandable that both plots are intertwined, and that it is necessary to present them both simultaneously. However, Eldon could act differently, showing himself confused, capable of anything to recover his daughter and avenge his wife. In fact, he seeks police help for the investigation, but ends up not stop working, thinking about business, and still getting involved with another woman. It's something that can cause empathy problems in the audience. Kimberley is an excellent professional, representing the female figure well in an important role. And just because she is a strong character and highly professional, would she get involved with a client during the investigation of his wife's death? A few character changes would make the plot more coherent and more impactful.