Mammoot Lost In Time
ACTION ADVENTURE COMEDY FAMILY CHILDREN'S FUNNY YOUNG ADULT EPIC DRAMA
Across Centuries,20th Century (multiple decades),2000s,Future
Shaun Bray
Submision Type
book
Logline
Jumah and Elsa are a pair of young elephants who get an unexpected delivery from tens of thousands of years ago, a baby Mammoth called Mammoot. The story is about 4 unexpected friends finding a way to get Mammoot and Fladge, who mistakenly delivered Mammoot back to their own time
Genre
Action,Adventure,Comedy,Family,Children's,Funny,Young Adult,Epic,Drama
Short Summary
A pair of young Elephants get a very unexpected delivery and have to grow up fast in order get Mammoot and Fladge back home which just happens to be tens of thousands of years ago
Setting
African plains/jungle(present and thousands of years ago)
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Voyage and Return,Quest,Overcoming Monster/Villain
Plot - Other Elements
Happy Ending,Twist,Meaningful Message
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Mammoot
Age: Baby
Gender: Male
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Confident,Charming,Heroic,Funny,Selfless,Modest,Aspiring,Adventurous
Additional Character Details
Name: Fladge
Age: teen
Gender: Male
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Underdog,Modest,Clumsy,Charming,Crazy,Faithful,Heroic,Insecure,Funny,Selfless
Additional Character Details
Name: Jumah
Age: teen
Gender: Male
Role: mentor
Key Traits: Adventurous,Masculine,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Faithful,Heroic,Honorable,Leader,Funny,Selfless
Additional Character Details
Name: Elsa
Age: teen
Gender: Female
Role: mentor
Key Traits: Badass,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Heroic,Honorable,Funny,Selfless,Modest
Genre
COMEDY, FANTASY
Brief
Shumbor is the God of elephants who has reigned a long time and is looking for a replacement, so, he devises a plan to find an heir. He uses the bird Fladge (because of Fladge's ambitious, yet clumsy nature) to deliver a Wooly Mammoth called Mammoot to the wrong time period. Mammoot is found by Jumah and Elsa who endeavor to bring him back to his home. Fighting past dangerous animals and hunters Jumah manages to return Mammoot back to his time and earn the title as heir to being the God of Elephants as Shumbor planned originally.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
There was nothing particular in the story that drew me in immediately.
Possible Drawbacks
The overall tone of the story and the "mythos" of the world feels strange given the target audience. Toning down some of the language would help with this.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The story promises a fantasy narrative with action and sci-fi elements involving time travel. With the addition of Anthropomorphic animals this is a unique way to explore these fantastical concepts.
Fanbase Potential
I don't see this having a large fanbase. The premise and the writing don't really match up. The writing feels like its targeted towards small children with the odd exception of the inclusion of somewhat mature language. It would be hard to place this story in a demographic to garner a fanbase because of this.
Awards Potential
I don't see this story garnering awards/acclaim due to the aforementioned uneven tone that disrupts the engagement with the story. Thematically, it's hard to see what message the author is trying to get across and the characters, while zany, aren't all that memorable.
Envisioned Budget
MEDIUM BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
FILMS SUCH AS "ICE AGE", "THE LION KING", AND "THE LAND BEFORE TIME" ARE SIMILAR TO THIS STORY DUE TO SIMILAR PLOTS, THE FEATURING OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC ANIMALS, AND SIMILAR CHARACTER ARCS.
What’s New About the Story
The inclusion of time travel and animal deities make this unique for a children's story, but doesn't quite come together because of the uneven tone and the unnecessary complicated nature of the world (when considering the potential audience for this story).
Lead Characters
There is nothing in particular about the characters that stand out in this story. The minor character, Shumbor, stands out for his devious way of choosing an heir. Otherwise, the other characters in this story are straightforward.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem. Tweaking the writing and the plot to match up with the target audience would go a long way in improving this story. The protagonist of this story has a solid, albeit, familiar arc, so improving the tone and simplifying some of the plot elements would help make this story resonate more with a broader audience.
Possible Formats
Film - Streaming, Film - Studio
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
Finding a good middle ground for the tone, world-building, and language based on the target audience would go a long way into making this story marketable and engaging.