ACTION, RELIGION, DRAMA, ROMANCE, FANTASY

Leonie pretends to be a monk to get training for her powerful skills of telepathy and telekinesis. She is discovered to be a girl by some of her teachers. One monk in particular, Prospero, is able to help Leonie gain control and find where she belongs. Problem is they fall in love that creates a whole new set of barriers as Prospero is a monk and anyone Leonie has every loved perishes.

GOOD

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT

Pace: GOOD

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: GOOD

The short summary and the development pitch have the luxury of mentioning the full storyline whereas the narrative stops before Prospero and Leonie can be together and fix the greater good. While this is fine to mention in the overall development pitch, sticking to the conflict within the particular chapter of the saga will give the audience a better understanding that this story doesn't end with a happy ending but a cliffhanger of angst. The story is also mentioned as a post apocalyptic earth in the setting, but because there is only the monastery this creates confusion as it is not apparent in the story as much without more insight into Leonie and Prospero's past in the outside world. For example, Leonie taking a train at the end is surprisingly modern given the sole setting of the monastery.

Leonie's described as powerful but not sophisticated, which makes her strength unpredictable, but also vulnerable. This vulnerability plays a key role in her trust of Prospero opening up a slowly blossoming relationship where the more they become equals, the more they depend on one another despite their self-imposed boundaries.

The structure of Leonie being saved by Prospero in the same way multiple times through the second act and their stubborness to admit their feelings over internal conflicts that have room to grow in depth can create a repetitive cycle until they finally submit to their feelings. It is almost as if there is enough space by condensing this cat and mouse dance that the second books plot where Prospero has to go find Leonie could also be fit into the same part of the saga.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that the two people in love need each other to control their special powers, but being together means they can't control their feelings and falling in love puts their established ways of life in danger.

Given the age of Leonie, this could potentially have a YA fanbase as that audience tends to enjoy fantasy romance mixed with action as a genre more than adult romance audience members. The fantasy elements of telepathy and telekinesis may be off putting for a few who are not fans of supernatural elements, but overall the focus on a monk in love with a girl and both need each other to save the world is a concept that could draw most YA fans.

Given the YA and heavy romance angles this is unlikely to win any prestige awards, but depending on the chemistry this could garner popular awards with a younger base such as MTV or Teen Choice.

MEDIUM BUDGET

DIVERGENT, YENTL, THUNDERBIRDS, BEAUTIFUL CREATURES, X MEN: DARK PHOENIX,

The love story is central and their obstacles are relatable but delving deeper into their internal conflicts from a religious standpoint and a trauma standpoint can help make their decision to overcome these obstacles feel more earned rather than just a switch in their decision. Having progressive discussions together not only about their feelings, but why they should and shouldn't be together would help make Prospero's proposal seem less out of the blue and allow the pacing of Leonie's runaway subplot to develop alongside Prospero's internal conflict.

Leonie is stubborn, trusting and a survivor. She doesn't open up well, but is open to learning. Prospero is loyal, dutiful and conscientious. He always puts Leonie before his own needs, but sometimes sadistically denies his own desires for no reasons.

The love story of two telepaths in a monastery is interesting, but the concept of a couple who's only conflict is their lack of communication is not that rare. Without greater external stakes to keep the two people apart once their feelings are sorted, the rising actions lose tension and can become somewhat frustrating in their delay to be together with just changing their mind. Their stubbornness could feel more warranted with greater external consequences i.e. Prospero's delay of not wanting to stop being a monk doesn't seem to be linked to God but not wanting to leave his home and everyone is allowing him to stay to continue to work whether he is a monk or with Leonie, so this becomes a non-issue once he voices his concerns.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Altering the second internal conflict of Leonie's to come into play earlier to fit more with Prospero's internal conflict of duty would make their pacing more on par with one another. Going more in depth to the background of Leonie and Prospero's beliefs would help tie the belonging theme together but also show their differences in approach of why they need each other but feel like they can't be together.