Entitlement
DRAMA CRIME FAMILY MYSTERY SUSPENSE/THRILLER
1980s & '90s,1960s & '70s
Leslee McCall
Submision Type
book
Logline
Abby Young becomes the in-law from hell when she steals the heart of a family member. She embraces the opportunity to start a new life and hide from her previous one. When her troubled past is discovered, she must take action to hide it.
Genre
Drama,Crime,Family,Mystery,Suspense/Thriller
Short Summary
Brad Desmond is recently divorced and vulnerable. Enter Abby who appears to make Brad happy again. His family members are cautious from a distance, but embrace their relationship. Their relationship moves quickly and Brad is head over heels.
Setting
USA; various locations
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain
Plot - Other Elements
Twist
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Abby Young
Age: Late 20's, early 30's
Gender: Female
Role: Antagonist
Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Crazy,Desperate,Complex,Educated,Unapologetic,Manipulative,Skillful,Outspoken,Power Hungry,Blunt,Narcisstic
Additional Character Details
Name: Brad Desmond
Age: Late 20's , early 30's
Gender: Male
Role: Mentor
Key Traits: Aspiring,Charming,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Honorable,Educated,Romantic,Skillful,Selfless,Modest
Additional Character Details
Name: There are several; all with different characteristics
Age:
Gender:
Role:
Key Traits:
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Genre
DRAMA, SUSPENSE
Brief
Abby falls in love with the recently divorced Brad and does everything she can to join his family, speeding up their wedding. She gets what she wants until her sister shows up to reveal Abby's dark past and warn Brad's family of the risks they are taking.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, it's accurate, but the author could include more characters, like Matt and Lauren.
Draw of Story
It looks like a typical family story, which starts at a lunch where the son will introduce his new girlfriend to the whole family. It is a beginning that already shows the style of this family and Abby's first reactions.
Possible Drawbacks
Like that of Brad's sisters, some parallel stories are not as interesting as the central one. I understand that the author wants to give a breath to the central plot, but these stories end up taking the suspense out of the main narrative.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is this determined woman does everything to hide her criminal past and approach the next victim.
Fanbase Potential
Abby is the antagonist and also the protagonist, making her less likable because her reasons are not understandable, not noble. This fact can make it difficult to reach a large audience. It is challenging to watch a movie in which you entirely hate the protagonist.
Awards Potential
While the antagonistic protagonist may repel the audience, this tricky criminal's story may attract film critics' attention. She is a complex woman who likes Brad and her daughter but fancies herself a lot more and saves no effort to succeed.
Envisioned Budget
LOW BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
I CARE A LOT: AN ELDERLY CAREGIVER USES HER JOB TO STEAL HER CLIENTS' MONEY. THE HUSTLE: TWO WOMEN WHO SPECIALIZE IN HITTING RICH MEN COME TOGETHER TO TRICK A BILLIONAIRE.
What’s New About the Story
Having a criminal main character, full of flaws and ready to trick the next victim brings some uniqueness to the plot. However, to make the narrative richer, we could better understand Abby's motives for committing these offenses and thus have a little more empathy for her.
Lead Characters
Brad is an ordinary guy who's just trying to have a love life that works. Newly divorced, he falls in love with Abby and is easily deceived by her. We empathize with Brad for trusting people and trying to do the right thing. Brad's family nucleus, on the other hand, functions as a unique character who acts as a force against Abby. They mistrust her and turn into an additional obstacle for Abby.
Uniqueness of Story
It is not a rare gem, but it is interesting to see a female character in love but still focused on her criminal career.
Possible Formats
Film - Indie, Film - Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The book is well written, the sequence of events makes sense for Abby's actions, but the character doesn't get our empathy at all. Since the beginning of the story, the audience knows that Abby is a liar and deceives Brad. Her subsequent actions only make us like her less and less. She would serve well as an antagonist, but such a protagonism is given to her that does not match. We do not understand why Abby drives these crimes nor forgive her for that, so the central character's lack of empathy gains a dangerous weight here. It is common to see protagonists full of flaws, some even criminals, as in the case of Walter White (Breaking Bad). Still, plausible reasons accompany these actions to make us understand at least why that person reached that wrongful position. She is a criminal, a liar, who threatens anyone who crosses her path, and capable of leaving her daughter behind to live life. It is almost uncomfortable to follow this narrative because of this main character. Ambiguity is suitable for a main character, a balance of good and evil, but when that main character inclines much more on the negative side, our empathy is lost. Having a woman stealing money from men is also a cliché in the cinema, which could be avoided or improved with more complex features, other than "I need to marry, have children, and take him away from his family." Side stories could be reduced drastically. Knowing more about the family's lifestyle is relevant, as the family works almost like an opposing gear to Abby, but going too deep into these stories takes time away from the main story, the one that really matters.