THRILLER, ROMANCE, MATURE AUDIENCE, DRAMA

Melissa's father dies when she is a young girl. Unbeknownst to her, he leaves her family with a great debt to another family. The son of that family happens to later by Melissa's professor and he wants his family's money back. Melissa and Professor Angelo play a game of seductive cat and mouse in order to get their way.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The logline discusses that Melissa's childhood was rough, but most of the book is about her as adult aside from the opening scenes. As Melissa appears rich and had a mother who was involved with her life, it is unclear why her childhood was so troubled outside losing her father. Ramona is also a supposed reason Melissa's childhood was rough, but there is little evidence as to why aside from that they don't like each other. Either removing this information as it is not the focus of the story or developing the rough childhood further in scenes would help match the logline description of this portion to the book.

Angelo's mysterious interest in Melissa as a student is intriguing as there is clearly an inappropriate nature to their interactions from the get go. They have ill intent towards one another, but the murkiness as to whether it is to protect their family or self-serving is interesting. To see the evolution as to how their family's plans to use the children to use each other backfired is satisfying.

There are multiple POV shifts. While Angelo's and Melissa's opposite POVs increase the tension between the two their family members' POV detract from the tension rather than acting as antagonists.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Melissa's professor is blackmailing her about her dead father's debt to his family and she decides to seduce her professor to get out of paying it.

This could have a romantic drama fanbase of women that are quite dedicated to the genre especially if placed around Valentine's Day.

This is likely too mature in its romantic relationships to be in any mainstream award ceremonies.

LOW BUDGET

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SERIES, THE BOY NEXT DOOR, UNFORGETTABLE, SECRETARY, THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

The power dynamic between Lorenzo Angelo and Melissa is very salacious. They are playing different games, but are equals. The nuance behind their blatant attraction to one another could be more subtle as it is a wonder Angelo did not get fired for his impropriety. Lacey is also an under utilized and great character with a far stronger dynamic with Melissa than Ramona. Lacey however is not given her own storyline aside from a crush so can still be a bit static as a side character.

Melissa's sarcasm and Angelo's word games make their speech distinctive both in dialogue and their POV.

Making the professor male and the one that is more respected and powerful position is normative to most romantic thrillers. While the couple's chemistry is good it follows a predictive pattern. They face very little external conflict in the progression of their relationship until the mother's physical involvement towards the end and threats over the phone.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Creating more dynamic arcs for the side characters will help create more emotional investment in them. Adjusting the external conflict to match the pacing of the couple's developing relationship increasing tension in their internal conflicts will help create a better balance between the two storylines.