Secret Fences: A Series
Submision Type
book
Logline
My book, “Secret Fences” is about a woman living by her unfaithful husband’s rules. Naomi is an educated, married, Black woman, who once had a career and gave that life up for her family. She is living in a brownstone in Manhattan with her Narcissistic, Sports Agent Caucasian husband and 2 kids.
Genre
Romance,Erotica,Suspense/Thriller,Drama
Short Summary
Naomi is a caring wife and mother with a condescending, unfaithful, narcissistic husband. He emotional abuses her and she meets William in church, a business man who fixes computers as a hobby. William is kind, handsome, fills a void. He secretly discovers that Naomi watches porn & is lonely.
Setting
Manhattan, New York Brownstone
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Other,Internal Journey/Rebirth,Tragedy
Plot - Other Elements
Meaningful Message,Philosophical Questions,Twist,Happy Ending
Mature Audience Themes
Nudity, Language/Profanity,Extreme Violence
Main Character Details
Name: Naomi
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Adventurous,Complex,Confident,Engaging,Educated,Sexy,Outspoken,Skillful,Funny,Romantic,Sarcastic,Secretive,Seductive,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Charming,Empathetic,Blunt,Selfless,Strong Moral Code,Honorable,Faithful
Additional Character Details
Name: Robert
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Role: Antagonist
Key Traits: Aggressive,Villainous,Narcisstic,Religious,Power Hungry,Greedy,Educated,Insecure,Unapologetic,Manipulative,Secretive,Masculine
Additional Character Details
Name: William
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Role: protagonist
Key Traits: Adventurous,Masculine,Charming,Complex,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Heartthrob,Honorable,Leader,Gracious,Seductive,Romantic,Visionary,Funny,Skillful,Outspoken,Selfless,Blunt,Sexy,Aggressive,Badass,Confident,Decisive,Educated,Unapologetic,Secretive,Heroic
Additional Character Details
Name: Stephanie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Aggressive,Villainous,Insecure,Criminal,Secretive
Genre
ROMANCE, DRAMA
Brief
Naomi is an unfulfilled housewife with a selfish and uncaring husband. She meets William when he comes to repair her laptop. They become friends even though the attraction is strong and after years of friendship, take it to the next level. Naomi becomes pregnant with William's baby and continuing their secret relationship even after the tragic death of his wife.
Overall Rating
GOOD
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: GOOD
Commerciality: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: GOOD
Premise: GOOD
Structure: GOOD
Theme: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
This story explores Naomi life which is filled with disappointment. She gave up her career for her children, her husband is not faithful or caring. She doesn't love him anymore but is staying so her children have a two parent home. The tone of the story begins as melancholy and depressing but clearly takes a turn since it is romance. The circumstances that get her there are teased at.
Possible Drawbacks
It is a slow burn type of story. Naomi and her love interest, William, take years before they act on their attraction. The story is over the span of years and gets more complicated ever step. The drama is overly done. The relationship between a married Naomi and William is enough but then William gets tricked into marriage and Naomi stays with her husband. Naomi and her husband, Robert , become best friends with William and his wife, Stephanie. Then Naomi gets pregnant with William's child and his wife is hit by a car and dies after being in a coma. The story ends without any real resolution. William and Naomi are still having a clandestine affair right under everyone's noses. There needs to be more focus on the relationship between Naomi and William.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Naomi is unfulfilled in her marriage and in life which leads her to an intense attraction and affair with William, that results in a love child. I would watch the intensely, slow burn of the relationship with William and Naomi.
Fanbase Potential
This could have a large fanbase but not necessarily in the mainstream. The amount of twists and turns is reminisce of made for tv movies which do have a relatively large fanbase. If the story was edited with the focus on the relationship between Naomi and William, it would intensify the romance, providing more of connection to the characters for the audience.
Awards Potential
This would not garner awards potential. There is nothing extraordinary about the story. It is a drama filled romance that delivers on messy situations and steamy love scenes but does not have the elements or storytelling that attract awards.
Envisioned Budget
LOW BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
FATAL AFFAIR, THE AFFAIR
What’s New About the Story
The story is original because it has a black female lead where the story doesn't revolve around her race. This story spans many years with many different circumstances happening to the main characters. There is no real resolution to the story. The characters continue to have an affair without anyone knowing.
Lead Characters
The lead character stands out because she is a black woman in an interracial relationship with normal issues. Naomi's unhappiness is not racial but universal issues people face in unhealthy relationships and at disappointing times in their lives. Her personality could be more defined.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem. There are many films and tv programs similar to this. The story is going for the steamy and messy, not character development or creative storytelling.
Possible Formats
Film: Streaming, Studio, Indie
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The story needs a more satisfying ending. Naomi is in a loveless marriage , but has meet a new love and now has given birth to his child. She recognizes how she feels about her husband but is still with him. There are so many years throughout the story that one would like to see a change in her circumstances. Especially since William now lives next door to Naomi and her husband, Robert.