Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People
ACTION ADVENTURE FAMILY FANTASY RELIGIOUS ROMANCE
Thorpe E. Wright V
Native American legends tell of man-sized squirrels and talking chipmunks. President Bush and NASA coverup. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? This is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter.
Two rancher brothers go on a hunting trip in the Canadian forest. They are in their mid -forties. While, sitting around a camp fire, they have a huge altercation. In the middle of the night, the older brother is attacked and killed by a grizzly bear. The young brother escapes to the forest.
Escaping from the FBI, and mortally wounded, the chipmunk-girl, and the oldest son flee back to the Canadian forest. 2 years later - mother and daughter Mole People forage in the forest and the young daughter is taught lessons. Talks to Mother Earth. "I Am." The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.
Canadian Reservation forest, and Montana, USA
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Plot - Other Elements
Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Philosophical Questions,Twist
Mature Audience Themes
Extreme Violence,Incest,Nudity,Sexual Abuse,Substance Abuse
Main Character Details
Name: Shameeta (Toad)
Age: Sweet 16 (see her grow up)
Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Aggressive,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Flexible,Educated,Honorable,Modest,Religious,Blunt,Outspoken,Skillful,Romantic,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Lone Wolf
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Modest,Outspoken,Skillful
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Desperate,Faithful,Gracious,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Modest,Obedient,Religious,Selfless,Lone Wolf
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Badass,Aggressive,Desperate,Empathetic,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Secretive,Manipulative
Many ancient cultures around the world believe that our forefathers came from the stars. These include the Aztecs, Mayans, Egyptians, Hindus, and the Chinese—to name but a few. Several Native American tribes believe that man did not descend from the stars but arose from the earth! The American Indians tell of races such as the Ant People, Lizard People, and the Sasquatch (Bigfoot), living among humans. Lesser known is the legend of the Mole People—not referring to the homeless people living in the sewers of New York City. The Native Americans tell tales of man-sized squirrels and of talking chipmunks. Go online, and you may come across an article written on August 1, 2009, in the Weekly World News. It tells of a story of Mole People living twenty miles beneath the earth—twenty miles! We’re not talking sewers here. A tunnel was discovered in Washington State. Apparently, NASA discovered the tunnel and is doing a cover-up! President Bush handled the situation, though communication was very difficult with the race of Mole People, for they can only speak an old Navajo dialect. Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter. Whether this book is just another fun-filled fantasy or a story based on actual real-life events, I’ll let you decide. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? Thorpe E. Wright V, tells the Legend of Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People.
Shameeta is the only survivor of the Mole People. She will find an American man in the middle of the forest, be taken to his ranch, face challenges and risks in this new culture, and fall in love, being able to keep her species alive.
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
I don't see why citing Bush and Nasa in the logline since they are not part of the story. The author could improve his logline and summary to something that could sell his story more effectively.
Draw of Story
The hook - this whole new world with fantastic creatures - is clear from the start, but it doesn't last long, which is bad. I was expecting to enter Shameeta's world, and not see her coming to our world right away.
There are no well-defined conflicts. The girl goes to the USA and starts living a human's life, and this situation could give the characters many more conflicts to deal with. Dealing with a rebel person, and struggling with cultural differences is not enough to make the story really engaging.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
It begins with a narration (longer than needed, but still an engaging one) that shows how these creatures used to live among humans. The narration should be shortened, but it gives an idea of a whole new world we "are about to enter."
No. The story demands improvements to become more interesting and reach a large audience. The characters, especially the protagonist, need more reasons to exist. They need goals, dreams, reasonable conflicts, so the audience could root for them.
If the author further develops the emotional connections and the contrasts between both species (criticizing the way we treat Nature), it could have some potential.
Similar Films/TV Series
TARZAN - A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A CIVILIZED PERSON AND A SAVAGE ONE. MOWGLI: THE JUNGLE BOOK - THE CONFLICT THAT ARISES FROM HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOUR ROOTS OR LIVING IN A CIVILIZED WORLD. THE SHAPE OF WATER - THE LAST SURVIVOR OF AN UNKNOWN SPECIES FALLS IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN.
What’s New About the Story
Her species sounds somewhat unique, and the way the author narrates it as a real story makes it more interesting.
The protagonist is one of a kind because of her species, but not exactly because of who she is. I'd like to get to know more about her, as I'd like to see all the other characters further developed.
Uniqueness of Story
Not a rare gem. We need a narrative with a defined goal, a reason to exist. Why should the author tell this story? Why should the author talk about the Mole People and this girl? It's not clear to me what the writer is trying to say with this story.
Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, Film - Studio
WORK IN PROGRESS
I admire the fact that the author wrote the book AND the script. It shows his commitment to his story. However, the script needs improvements in a lot of ways. I'm not used to giving feedback on technical points, but this script needs an editor. The writer added his own name to the narration in the opening scenes (which is not usual and has no reason to be), the characters are not presented when they first appear, the actions are very long, and they would be much more clear if they followed the dialogue, among other issues. The initial narration is not bad, but it could be shortened. The script spends a long time talking about the Mole People's habits and beliefs. We could naturally, gradually see it, instead of receiving a lot of information at once. The dialogue is sometimes too expository because of that. The author seems to need to explain a lot, so he makes use of "on the nose" information. Flashbacks are also used to explain the protagonist's backstory. Some actions are too nonsensical to feel credible. The Chipmunk-Girl has a jeep in the middle of the forest, filled up with gas. Shameeta also connects too easily with the white man and accepts even more easily to leave the forest and go with him to the US. Aside from cultural differences, and a character that makes her life more difficult, there's no internal or external conflict good enough to make us dig the story. She is too special to live a standard life like that. Shameeta is taken by a white man to a civilized world, and she is totally fine with it. I believe it could be a good source of conflict. The author should better define the theme so the storytelling could feel more even.
Tips for Improvement
Having a Chipmunk-Girl pass through the US immigration in a jeep to live a human's life seems sometimes comic (like films such as 'Coming to America' and 'George of the Jungle'), but I believe it's not the author's intention, so he could create more complex actions to make the story more dramatic. He should also change the tone a little bit, so we could instantly understand it's a fantastic drama. The backstory, the girl's beliefs, the way the Mole People live could be gradually unveiled, so we would feel more intrigued by her persona. We need more conflicts. The human brought the Chipmunk-Girl to the US, and this fact alone should increase stakes and develop conflicts. The American family likes her and accepts her almost instantly, which is not very good for this type of story. There's a conflict in the end with hunters and the FBI, but everything is solved too quickly. It is a fantasy, I know, but even fantasy stories need somewhat realistic actions and purposes to make the audience buy it. The girl should offer more resistance to leave the forest (home of her people), and the narrative could produce stronger events to force her to leave. The way it is, it seems that Shameeta wants to leave right away, and she just goes back to the forest later because the FBI is after her.