Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People

Cover Not Ready

ACTION ADVENTURE FAMILY FANTASY RELIGIOUS ROMANCE

Contemporary

Thorpe E. Wright V

Logline

Native American legends tell of man-sized squirrels and talking chipmunks. President Bush and NASA coverup. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? This is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter.

Genre

Action,Adventure,Family,Fantasy,Religious,Romance

Short Summary

Two rancher brothers go on a hunting trip in the Canadian forest. They are in their mid -forties. While, sitting around a camp fire, they have a huge altercation. In the middle of the night, the older brother is attacked and killed by a grizzly bear. The young brother escapes to the forest.


Escaping from the FBI, and mortally wounded, the chipmunk-girl, and the oldest son flee back to the Canadian forest. 2 years later - mother and daughter Mole People forage in the forest and the young daughter is taught lessons. Talks to Mother Earth. "I Am." The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.

Setting

Canadian Reservation forest, and Montana, USA

Based on a True Story

Yes

Plot - Premise

Internal Journey/Rebirth

Plot - Other Elements

Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Philosophical Questions,Twist

Mature Audience Themes

Extreme Violence,Incest,Nudity,Sexual Abuse,Substance Abuse

Main Character Details

Name: Shameeta (Toad)

Age: Sweet 16 (see her grow up)

Gender: Female

Role: Emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Aggressive,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Flexible,Educated,Honorable,Modest,Religious,Blunt,Outspoken,Skillful,Romantic,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Lone Wolf

Additional Character Details

Name: Frankie

Age: 40

Gender: Male

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Modest,Outspoken,Skillful

Additional Character Details

Name: John

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Role: emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Desperate,Faithful,Gracious,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Modest,Obedient,Religious,Selfless,Lone Wolf

Additional Character Details

Name: Andy

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Role: tempter

Key Traits: Badass,Aggressive,Desperate,Empathetic,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Secretive,Manipulative

Development Pitch

Many ancient cultures around the world believe that our forefathers came from the stars. These include the Aztecs, Mayans, Egyptians, Hindus, and the Chinese—to name but a few. Several Native American tribes believe that man did not descend from the stars but arose from the earth! The American Indians tell of races such as the Ant People, Lizard People, and the Sasquatch (Bigfoot), living among humans. Lesser known is the legend of the Mole People—not referring to the homeless people living in the sewers of New York City. The Native Americans tell tales of man-sized squirrels and of talking chipmunks. Go online, and you may come across an article written on August 1, 2009, in the Weekly World News. It tells of a story of Mole People living twenty miles beneath the earth—twenty miles! We’re not talking sewers here. A tunnel was discovered in Washington State. Apparently, NASA discovered the tunnel and is doing a cover-up! President Bush handled the situation, though communication was very difficult with the race of Mole People, for they can only speak an old Navajo dialect. Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter. Whether this book is just another fun-filled fantasy or a story based on actual real-life events, I’ll let you decide. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? Thorpe E. Wright V, tells the Legend of Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People.

About The Author

Thorpe (“Thor”) E. Wright V, is a descendant of British royalty from the House of Thorpe. Thor spent his early teenage summers as a cattle rancher. Being raised in the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts, USA, he is a graduate of Assumption College with a B. A. in Business Management and a minor in Computer Science. For fourteen years, Mr. Wright worked as a motion picture operations manager/projectionist for the largest theatre chain in the Boston area. Thor obtained a CDL A license, and later drove a 53' tractor/trailer across the USA for two years. As an eclectic martial artist with over forty-seven years experience, Thor taught Kempo karate for ten years, and later co-founded the Cambridge Institute of Martial Arts (CIMA). He is proficient in many forms of eastern meditation, and is an astral traveler. As president of ThaiCat Productions, Shihan Wright hopes to someday syndicate his own TV show to educate people about the variety of martial arts and teach eastern philosophies. Thorpe Wright is posted on the Internet Movie Data base @ www.IMDb.com as an executive producer (2 credits), associate producer, and a technical advisor (2 credits), for three independent films. Thor had spent a year in writing this book – his third book. Currently self-employed and a bachelor, Mr. Wright lives near Boston, MA -- not far from the Boston Museum of Science and the beautiful Charles River. Cover and illustrations by Thorpe E. Wright V

Target Audiences

Age: 13-17,18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Hard Copy Available

No

WGA Number

Information not completed

Genre

FANTASY, ROMANCE

Brief

Shameeta is the only survivor of the Mole People. She will find an American man in the middle of the forest, be taken to his ranch, face challenges and risks in this new culture, and fall in love, being able to keep her species alive.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

SCRIPT

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

I don't see why citing Bush and Nasa in the logline since they are not part of the story. The author could improve his logline and summary to something that could sell his story more effectively.

Draw of Story

The hook - this whole new world with fantastic creatures - is clear from the start, but it doesn't last long, which is bad. I was expecting to enter Shameeta's world, and not see her coming to our world right away.

Possible Drawbacks

There are no well-defined conflicts. The girl goes to the USA and starts living a human's life, and this situation could give the characters many more conflicts to deal with. Dealing with a rebel person, and struggling with cultural differences is not enough to make the story really engaging.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

It begins with a narration (longer than needed, but still an engaging one) that shows how these creatures used to live among humans. The narration should be shortened, but it gives an idea of a whole new world we "are about to enter."

Fanbase Potential

No. The story demands improvements to become more interesting and reach a large audience. The characters, especially the protagonist, need more reasons to exist. They need goals, dreams, reasonable conflicts, so the audience could root for them.

Awards Potential

If the author further develops the emotional connections and the contrasts between both species (criticizing the way we treat Nature), it could have some potential.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

TARZAN - A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A CIVILIZED PERSON AND A SAVAGE ONE. MOWGLI: THE JUNGLE BOOK - THE CONFLICT THAT ARISES FROM HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOUR ROOTS OR LIVING IN A CIVILIZED WORLD. THE SHAPE OF WATER - THE LAST SURVIVOR OF AN UNKNOWN SPECIES FALLS IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN.

What’s New About the Story

Her species sounds somewhat unique, and the way the author narrates it as a real story makes it more interesting.

Lead Characters

The protagonist is one of a kind because of her species, but not exactly because of who she is. I'd like to get to know more about her, as I'd like to see all the other characters further developed.

Uniqueness of Story

Not a rare gem. We need a narrative with a defined goal, a reason to exist. Why should the author tell this story? Why should the author talk about the Mole People and this girl? It's not clear to me what the writer is trying to say with this story.

Possible Formats

Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, Film - Studio

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

I admire the fact that the author wrote the book AND the script. It shows his commitment to his story. However, the script needs improvements in a lot of ways. I'm not used to giving feedback on technical points, but this script needs an editor. The writer added his own name to the narration in the opening scenes (which is not usual and has no reason to be), the characters are not presented when they first appear, the actions are very long, and they would be much more clear if they followed the dialogue, among other issues. The initial narration is not bad, but it could be shortened. The script spends a long time talking about the Mole People's habits and beliefs. We could naturally, gradually see it, instead of receiving a lot of information at once. The dialogue is sometimes too expository because of that. The author seems to need to explain a lot, so he makes use of "on the nose" information. Flashbacks are also used to explain the protagonist's backstory. Some actions are too nonsensical to feel credible. The Chipmunk-Girl has a jeep in the middle of the forest, filled up with gas. Shameeta also connects too easily with the white man and accepts even more easily to leave the forest and go with him to the US. Aside from cultural differences, and a character that makes her life more difficult, there's no internal or external conflict good enough to make us dig the story. She is too special to live a standard life like that. Shameeta is taken by a white man to a civilized world, and she is totally fine with it. I believe it could be a good source of conflict. The author should better define the theme so the storytelling could feel more even.

Tips for Improvement

Having a Chipmunk-Girl pass through the US immigration in a jeep to live a human's life seems sometimes comic (like films such as 'Coming to America' and 'George of the Jungle'), but I believe it's not the author's intention, so he could create more complex actions to make the story more dramatic. He should also change the tone a little bit, so we could instantly understand it's a fantastic drama. The backstory, the girl's beliefs, the way the Mole People live could be gradually unveiled, so we would feel more intrigued by her persona. We need more conflicts. The human brought the Chipmunk-Girl to the US, and this fact alone should increase stakes and develop conflicts. The American family likes her and accepts her almost instantly, which is not very good for this type of story. There's a conflict in the end with hunters and the FBI, but everything is solved too quickly. It is a fantasy, I know, but even fantasy stories need somewhat realistic actions and purposes to make the audience buy it. The girl should offer more resistance to leave the forest (home of her people), and the narrative could produce stronger events to force her to leave. The way it is, it seems that Shameeta wants to leave right away, and she just goes back to the forest later because the FBI is after her.

Logline

Native American legends tell of man-sized squirrels and talking chipmunks. President Bush and NASA coverup. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? This is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter.

Short Summary

Two rancher brothers go on a hunting trip in the Canadian forest. They are in their mid -forties. While, sitting around a camp fire, they have a huge altercation. In the middle of the night, the older brother is attacked and killed by a grizzly bear. The young brother escapes to the forest.


Escaping from the FBI, and mortally wounded, the chipmunk-girl, and the oldest son flee back to the Canadian forest. 2 years later - mother and daughter Mole People forage in the forest and the young daughter is taught lessons. Talks to Mother Earth. "I Am." The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.

FEEDBACK

Many ancient cultures around the world believe that our forefathers came from the stars. These include the Aztecs, Mayans, Egyptians, Hindus, and the Chinese—to name but a few. Several Native American tribes believe that man did not descend from the stars but arose from the earth! The American Indians tell of races such as the Ant People, Lizard People, and the Sasquatch (Bigfoot), living among humans. Lesser known is the legend of the Mole People—not referring to the homeless people living in the sewers of New York City. The Native Americans tell tales of man-sized squirrels and of talking chipmunks. Go online, and you may come across an article written on August 1, 2009, in the Weekly World News. It tells of a story of Mole People living twenty miles beneath the earth—twenty miles! We’re not talking sewers here. A tunnel was discovered in Washington State. Apparently, NASA discovered the tunnel and is doing a cover-up! President Bush handled the situation, though communication was very difficult with the race of Mole People, for they can only speak an old Navajo dialect. Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People is a story of the Mole People exiling two of their own to the surface world and the sole survivor, their daughter. Whether this book is just another fun-filled fantasy or a story based on actual real-life events, I’ll let you decide. What if the legends and stories are true . . . What if? Thorpe E. Wright V, tells the Legend of Chipmunk-Girl: Last of the Mole People.

About The Author

Thorpe (“Thor”) E. Wright V, is a descendant of British royalty from the House of Thorpe. Thor spent his early teenage summers as a cattle rancher. Being raised in the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts, USA, he is a graduate of Assumption College with a B. A. in Business Management and a minor in Computer Science. For fourteen years, Mr. Wright worked as a motion picture operations manager/projectionist for the largest theatre chain in the Boston area. Thor obtained a CDL A license, and later drove a 53' tractor/trailer across the USA for two years. As an eclectic martial artist with over forty-seven years experience, Thor taught Kempo karate for ten years, and later co-founded the Cambridge Institute of Martial Arts (CIMA). He is proficient in many forms of eastern meditation, and is an astral traveler. As president of ThaiCat Productions, Shihan Wright hopes to someday syndicate his own TV show to educate people about the variety of martial arts and teach eastern philosophies. Thorpe Wright is posted on the Internet Movie Data base @ www.IMDb.com as an executive producer (2 credits), associate producer, and a technical advisor (2 credits), for three independent films. Thor had spent a year in writing this book – his third book. Currently self-employed and a bachelor, Mr. Wright lives near Boston, MA -- not far from the Boston Museum of Science and the beautiful Charles River. Cover and illustrations by Thorpe E. Wright V

Mature Audience Themes

Extreme Violence,Incest,Nudity,Sexual Abuse,Substance Abuse

Characters

Main Character

Name: Shameeta (Toad)

Age: Sweet 16 (see her grow up)

Gender: Female

Role: Emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Aggressive,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Flexible,Educated,Honorable,Modest,Religious,Blunt,Outspoken,Skillful,Romantic,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Lone Wolf

Character 1

Name: Frankie

Age: 40

Gender: Male

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Modest,Outspoken,Skillful

Character 2

Name: John

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Role: emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Desperate,Faithful,Gracious,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Modest,Obedient,Religious,Selfless,Lone Wolf

Character 3

Name: Andy

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Role: tempter

Key Traits: Badass,Aggressive,Desperate,Empathetic,Insecure,Naive,Underdog,Secretive,Manipulative