Gin Fizz
Submision Type
book
Logline
Roy's obsession with Irmhild the "bitch on wheels" takes over his life and almost gets him killed.
Genre
Mystery
Short Summary
The story takes place in 1960's Los Angeles, California. It's the heyday of advertising where media buyers are wined and dined, given plenty of gifts and other perks by radio and television sales people. When Irmhild is murdered Roy makes it his mission to find her killer.
Setting
Los Angeles and trips to Palm Springs & Tucson Arizona
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Other
Plot - Other Elements
Twist
Mature Audience Themes
Language/Profanity
Main Character Details
Name: Roy has issues. As the story progresses he becomes more Irmhild than himself
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Clumsy,Complex,Outspoken,Funny,Secretive,Underdog,Naive,Insecure
Additional Character Details
Name: The Reverend
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Role: Emotional
Key Traits: Aggressive,Criminal,Religious,Narcisstic,Secretive,Unapologetic,Greedy,Villainous,Power Hungry,Manipulative
Additional Character Details
Name: Muriel
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Role: mentor
Key Traits: Confident,Decisive,Blunt,Greedy,Unapologetic,Sarcastic,Funny,Outspoken,Manipulative
Additional Character Details
Name: Neighbor
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Masculine,Villainous,Narcisstic,Aggressive,Desperate,Secretive,Unapologetic,Criminal,Greedy,Manipulative
Genre
DRAMA
Brief
Roy investigates his sister's death. He struggles to figure out what in her life caused her to be murdered. By trying to immerse himself in her life to find the answers, he slowly finds himself drawn to the allures of her lifestyle. Roy slowly becomes his sister; likely to assuage deep-seated childhood neglect and try to gain favor from his ailing mother.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The twisted obsession of Roy in solving his sister's murder by becoming her is not fully explored in the logline as their relationship and the extent of his fascination/ dedication is not expressed. The development pitch and summary do add explanation to the narrative that reflects the story, but the pitch could be expanded further by discussing specific themes of the book that make it marketable for the screen.
Draw of Story
Roy's obsession with his sister seems to be more with her lifestyle and belongings rather than her as a person. It is an unsettling fixation that automatically creates tension as to where his investigation will lead and how far into her life he will recreate for answers.
Possible Drawbacks
While the fixation on women's appearances makes sense later on, there does tend to be greater details in the aesthetics of the scene rather than the motivations of the characters and pace of the plot which can slow down the mystery being solved at times. By giving the characters less purely appearance driven descriptions and more actions that show their personality and physicality the pacing and character development would be strengthened.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Roy feels he must become his sister in order to find her killer the further down the rabbit hole of her investigation he goes.
Fanbase Potential
With clearer themes and some more developed character arcs this may have a steady audience although due the subject and the historical aspects of the mystery this may not appeal to both liberal or conservative at the same time.
Awards Potential
This is unlikely to have awards potential without further insights into the motivations of the side characters and clarification on some of the main characters. Roy's identity shift is nuanced but might be too complicated although he has the most potential to be nominated.
Envisioned Budget
LOW BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, SUNSET BOULEVARD, DEXTER, SOLDIER'S GIRL, MAD MEN, SOME LIKE IT HOT
What’s New About the Story
The originality stems from Roy's relationship with his sister becoming blurred as he investigates her death. This creates tension and sympathy for the protagonist but thematically updating their motivations for more modern concepts of sexuality, fluidity and gender-presenting may add further nuance to the characters and themes.
Lead Characters
Roy is hyper-focused, dedicated and slowly finding his rhythm in becoming his true interest. Muriel Roy's mother and many of ad office women are direct, condescending and judgemental. Irmhild was shown to be deceitful but not malicious in her past choices.
Uniqueness of Story
This has some fun moments, but the tone is a bit unclear and many of the side characters are static. The connection between Roy and his sister while investigating her murder is definitely memorable, but the themes are hard to follow in such a complicated transition on top of the mystery.
Possible Formats
Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming TV Series: Network, Cable, Limited Run / Mini-Series, Streaming Unscripted
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
Creating inner conflicts and transformations for characters outside of the protagonist will help create more dynamic characters and relationships. The themes surrounding Roy's transformation on top of his investigation could be clarified to be more modern. Less focus on appearances could also help connection plot points in continuous focus and tension.