ROMANCE, MATURE AUDIENCE, DRAMA

Secret Wyatt is an honest teenage girl taken advantage of by men and lied to by her family. After sleeping with her uncle, she gets kicked out by her aunt only to fall in love with a new boyfriend shortly after. When things get serious, they decide to move, but it turns out Javon's reason was to be closer to raise his son with Secret's estranged mother. Secret learns about her past when her aunt pieces together the triangle that Secret doesn't know she's in.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: GOOD

Yes the logline, summary, and pitch all add new aspects to the explanation that match narrative. Ideally the logline would be more concise and limited to one to two sentences.

The narrative is jam-packed with twist and turns that bring Secret's family together and also tear them apart.

Because there are so many subplots and conflict introduced back to back, sometimes the emotional investment in some can be less than others due to desensitization. It can be hard to process one event without reflection before the next conflict is introduced. Expanding the conflicts to consistently develop throughout the story rather than resolving many within the same sequence of introduction may help slow down the pacing and lead to greater investment.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Secret is kicked out of her house for sleeping with her uncle, but her uncle is the man who killed her mom after she was born.

In focusing on fewer conflicts with greater resonance or spreading the conflicts out between different episodes or sequels, this might have a large fanbase for its relatable conflicts such as a side chick pregnancy and complicated mother-daughter bonds.

This is unlikely to have awards potential unless the narrative streamlines to focus on one particular social issue in depth. This may garner popular awards due to the range of emotions and situations within the ensemble of the family.

LOW BUDGET

PRECIOUS, DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN, FENCES, FISH TANK, THE OUTSIDERS

Secret's relationships with the adult figures in her life are all very original and complicated. Making sure there is resolution between Secret and all side characters such as her friends would help make each conflict feel more complete. Similarly subplots that are introduced such as the importance of Secret graduating high school should be resolved if introduced to complete the story arc.

Secret is rarely dishonest and really hopeful and somewhat naive about her relationships. She gives her whole heart to each one no matter how many times they are dishonest with her. Yvette is secretly caring and loyal in doing whatever it took to take care of her sisters at such a young age. Lisa is forgiving and looks out for what is best for her family no matter what, even if they betray her.

This has a lot of relatable conflicts and themes, but the pacing is too quick to appreciate all of the elements separately. By spacing out the multiple conflicts, this could allow for a steadier flow of rising actions before the climax and enable each to fully develop including a respectable resolution.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Adding inner conflicts to the static characters will help them feel more emotionally engaging. Also creating more reflective moments between actions may help balance the pacing.