ACTION, DRAMA, RELIGION

Prochorus, a former disciple of Jesus, was able preserve a part of the robe Jesus wore while crucified. The robe was able to keep the healing power of Jesus. In the future, a young detective, Amari, races to find a surviving piece smuggled around by different church leaders. She hopes to heal her new friend, four year old Kathleen, from a death by cystic fibrosis.

GOOD

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The logline reflects the story perfectly but the short summary skips much of the middle of the narrative's search for the shroud and its authenticity before Amari's gunshot. As the gun shot happens in search of the cloth, it could be helpful if the two story parts of the summary are connected over the survival of the cloth first before bringing up the gunshot. Amari's gunshot is serious but it is not the focus of the search for the cloth which is Kathleen's survival.

The idea that a piece of the cloth Jesus was sacrificed in has survived within the church and retained its healing power as a relic is noteworthy both for its power and its secrecy.

While Prochorus's story is well written it is unclear how it is connected to Amari's journey aside from explaining the origin of the cloth being part of the church. It is part of the beginning of the story then disappears as the action in the modern day search gets more intense. It does not have a parallel with the modern story either through plot or theme.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that the Rossi foundation is in search of a biblical relic that heals any physical ailment but the case is personal due to their attachment to a four year old cystic fibrosis near death. This attachment dictates the timeline of completing the mission and solving it an urgent matter.

This could have a large fanbase of Christian believers as it is non-controversial in its mythology. Some Christian sects may have a problem with the iconography of the relic, but this may even appeal to the secular crowd as the mythology is easy to follow for an action film.

Because of the Christian overtones this is unlikely to gain much awards potential in secular Hollywood.

MEDIUM BUDGET

THE DA VINCI CODE, MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, THE LAST JEDI, DON VERDEAN, FIVE FEET APART

The originality stems from the dual storylines of Prochorus and Amari's ties to the cloth. Whereas Prochorus' saga is about finding the robe for safekeeping, Amari's team needs to find the cloth in order to use it. By making the two tales consistently linked either by theme or plot, the inclusion of both side by side will make more sense.

Amari is knowledgeable, compassionate, brave and thinks outside the box. While she trusts other she sometimes tries to do too much by herself without help which can get her in trouble.

This is a solid concept for a Christian movie about a healing relic, but the inclusion of the flashbacks to the cloth's origins could be better integrated as the dual timelines of biblical and modern day is what is most unique.

Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

This has so much potential, but the two storylines could be more cohesive to make the origin story of the cloth better integrated into solving the mystery of the cloth in modern times. Giving the characters internal conflicts will also create maximum emotional investment in the external conflict.