ACTION, DRAMA, FANTASY

In a black mice family, a white mouse suffers from prejudices and higher risks for being born differently. The little mouse goes on an adventurous journey worldwide, ends up approaching a friendly cat, and finding love.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: GOOD

It is accurate.

The story, which at first seems to be a children's one, delivers an intriguing analogy of being born "different" in a prejudiced society.

The actions repeat continuously. Mice spend their days looking for food, and it becomes boring and monotonous. If the story was created only for a young audience, perhaps these repeated actions could be less damaging. However, as the target audience is wider (7-54), this repetition becomes quite uncomfortable. A variety of demands and events would help the narrative to flow more interestingly.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

For children, the hook would be these fantasy characters, this environment of animation, and the adventures of the little mouse. For an adult audience, the hook would be this analogy about the prejudices that we face in society.

I don't believe that the story has elements solid enough to attract a large fan base.

I don't believe so because the story is a little cliche and tiring. Suppose the author could add more significant and diverse conflicts that would expose these prejudices in a layer intended for the adult audience. In that case, the film could have the potential for awards.

LARGE BUDGET

THE UGLY DUCKLING: A DUCKLING IS CONSIDERED "UGLY" BECAUSE HE IS DIFFERENT FROM HIS SIBLINGS. STUART LITTLE: A MOUSE ADOPTED BY A FAMILY OF HUMANS, SUFFERS PREJUDICE FOR BEING DIFFERENT.

It is a Japanese family of mice, which brings interesting aspects of that culture.

The protagonist is likable. He's a kind little mouse who simply wants to help his family and be accepted. As a character created for children, it is correct and interesting. But to please other audiences, he could be a little more elaborate.

It is not, but it would be more potent if Japanese culture could be more present in the story, conflicts could go a little beyond fundamental needs, and if the narrative could be more creative.

Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

The story demands a greater variety of conflicts for all types of audiences to follow and enjoy. The protagonist is likable, he is visually different, which is good to make us focus on him, but he could also sound different in his way of being and speaking. He has characteristics that are very similar to those of his siblings. And that ends up making his trajectory less glorious. The life tips that the mother gives to Kiki are good teachings for a young audience, but the overuse may give the film a didactic look. Perhaps if the author used a little bit of humor during the journey, the "serious" parts - prejudice and differences - might seem less formal. The trip's adventures and the friends that the mouse makes along the way are a good breath to the main plot but could be further developed in order to entertain. Diverse conflicts could give us the feeling of a more challenging, more complex journey, and that the triumph of the mouse when returning home was well deserved. In general, it is a story that could work, as it brings an important message about self-acceptance for children, but it ends up falling into repetitions and cliches. Better development of narrative and character could give the story a fresher air.