DRAMA

Jeff is demoted at his job at the newspaper. He ends up embracing his new position and expanding it. His newspaper and vending businesses get entangled with a local drug lord. Jeff finds success until he moves onto other opportunities in his beloved city of Oakland.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: GOOD

Theme: FAIR

Yes, the book profile does accurately reflect the book. The profile, however, is a vague overview of the themes of the book. It alludes to an adventure which doesn't come through.

The story begins with Jeff being told he is being demoted. His fiery response paints a picture of Jeff and his passion for his work.

The story is full of mundane aspects of life. There is little excitement besides the Oakland fires which is a small portion of the story. The fire and his dealing with cocaine dealers should be developed further with less time spent on Jeff's day to day life. While this reads like a biography , not an action movie, it could grab the audience more.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Jeff finds his passion for journalism and his business tested by the local drug cartel and development of technology. I would watch the movie to see Jeff's passion for the newspaper business and the perils of entrepreneurship in Oakland.

This could have a large fanbase with the right director. If the story was given more of an edge and the cocaine ring and fire were the main focus of the plot. Jeff's character could be developed stronger.

This does not have awards potential as is. There are not many of elements in the story to draw an audience in. There is too much time spent on Jeff's everyday like. Overall, the story isn't very unique.

LOW BUDGET

THE POST, NEWSROOM

The story is not very original outside of the setting. This is a love letter to Oakland, California with the story branching from that. The plot is biographical with moments of intensity. Overall, it's a quiet, simple story.

The lead character stands out because of his passion for his business. He fights for his place in the face of serious obstacles. Jeff stands up against a drug lord who is using his vending machines for drug pickups.

This is not a rare gem. There is not much excitement to enthrall an audience. The story focuses on Jeff's day to day life for too long, not giving enough depth to the dramatic events. Most of the story is about a normal guy experience normal life events.

Film: Indie, Streaming TV Series: Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

The story needs to focus on the main plot points and develop them further. The Oakland fire doesn't feel like a personal event for Jeff but something that happened around him. He references it but it didn't affect him greatly. The drug ring using his vending machines has the potential for great drama and should be made the primary plot.