The Closet of Time

Meredith Hughes meredithannhughes@att.net 5093963825306

FAMILY BIOGRAPHICAL

19th Century,1920s & '30s,1940s & '50s,1960s & '70s

Meredith Ann Hughes

Logline

My Maternal Grandmother, daughter of German Immigrants from The Bronx, lost her son and parents first 3 weeks January 1919 to The Great Flu. She tried life again in Chicago, met my Maternal Grandfather, horribly abusive. She showed me big tender love, kindness, her life ended by a hit and driver.

Genre

Family,Biographical

Short Summary

EXT. INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - DAY Walking toward a white church, ANNIE, a little girl and her GRANDMA MINNIE. The church bells toll 10 times. GRANDMA MINNIE Pick up that penny Annie. It will give you good luck. ANNIE But Grandma, you always tell me to pick up the pennies. It is your turn.


ANN (O.S.) They taught me to never give up. Do your best. From the Black Forest to New York, Chicago, Popcorn Ridge, to a home somewhere, create your own Closet Of Time and may it be a loved one. Be that turtle and always climb to the top, believe in yourself, no matter the obstacles.

Setting

Black Forest Germany, German Train & Stations, Karlsruhe, Rotterdam, Ships, English Train Kingston of Hull to Liverpool, Steerage Ship to NYC, The Bronx, Chicago, Popcorn Ridge Vevay Indiana, Indianapolis

Based on a True Story

Yes

Plot - Premise

Internal Journey/Rebirth,Tragedy

Plot - Other Elements

Meaningful Message

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Main Character Details

Name: Grandma Minnie

Age: from age 5 to age 86

Gender: Female

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Aspiring,Adventurous,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Desperate,Engaging,Faithful,Heroic,Religious,Selfless,Visionary,Strong Moral Code,Honorable

Additional Character Details

Name: Granddaughter Ann

Age: 4 years to 24 years

Gender: Female

Role: Emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Engaging,Empathetic,Obedient,Selfless,Visionary,Strong Moral Code

Additional Character Details

Name: Lorenz

Age: 25 years to 45 years

Gender: Male

Role: logical

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Modest,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Honorable,Obedient,Patriotic,Religious,Selfless,Skillful,Visionary

Additional Character Details

Name: Jacobine

Age: 23 years to 45 years

Gender: Female

Role: emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Confident,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Obedient,Religious,Patriotic,Selfless,Visionary

Development Pitch

As told from a Granddaughter's eyes, her Grandmother's parents immigration in the1800's from Europe to New York City, striving and excited to come to America, selling their farm, steerage ship passage, passing Liberty Enlightening the World, only to find the difficulties of surviving in The Bronx NYC, only to perish from The Great Flu in 1919. Grandma Minnie lost her parents and 7 year old son all in January 1919 of The Great Flu. Minnie loosing her family life pursues a new life in Chicago, marries, only to live and strive on Popcorn Ridge with an alcoholic abusive husband from moonshine hills of Vevay Indiana by the Ohio River. Minnie endures life, lives off the land like a man. Long gone are her big hats and lace dresses of New York City at the turn of the century. Long gone are the Sunday Family times in Central Park New York City. Now is the stark presence of the Full Moon in the dark of the night and a hoot owl which sits right by her bedroom window. Her husband does not return until dawn after his night at the pool hall and poker games. Life is men's work boots, flour sack dresses. She cries to sleep most nights. After the barn ignites with Minnie in it, they sell the farm and move to a city where Minnie in her 80's is killed by a hit and run driver. This was her American Dream. My Grandmother Minnie loved me and taught me so much. The Closet of Time is her Scrapbook she kept from 1890 to her death. We found her Scrapbook hidden in The Closet Of Time.

About The Author

This story is about my Maternal Grandmother, German decent is the love of my life. She was killed by a hit and run driver in Indianapolis Indiana, never found at age 86. She lived a difficult, difficult sad life beyond belief through the turn of the 19th century, her son and parents died in 3 weeks of The Spanish Flu. She married a 2nd time and was abused with no mercy by him. I have always loved to write poems, short stories, songs. I played the piano and clarinet. I love to travel and have been all over the world. I have started acrylic painting. I have a USA Patent on a fishing lure called The Dream Lure. I love life. I have not been sick since I began taking D3 in 2012. I grew up in Indianapolis and am retired from American Airlines. I have 2 grown sons, one is an Indianapolis Metro Policeman, the 2nd is a Millwright. I have 2 grown grandchildren. I am so excited to have the opportunity to share my Grandmother's story with you and I sincerely thank you so much.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Immigrants, Abuse Victims, Grandparent/Grandchild, Alcohol Abuse, Love, Kindness

Publishing Details

Hard Copy Available

No

WGA Number

I have one. It is the same story, but I have rewritten and changed the title.

Genre

DRAMA

Brief

A granddaughter recounts her grandmother's story, reading a diary she found in Minnie's closet. A story of many losses, overcoming obstacles, and love.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

SCRIPT

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: GOOD

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

Not exactly. The author uses the logline segment to talk about her personal relationship with the film's protagonist when she should use the section to describe the plot. In the short summary, the author adds two scenes from the script, which out of context, do not make much sense to the reader.

Draw of Story

The author's proximity to the story is felt from the first pages and makes the narrative more personal and sentimental.

Possible Drawbacks

The dialogues. They are highly descriptive, putting in words everything the characters are doing or feeling or thinking, leaving no room for the reader's imagination and sensations.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is the challenging life of many immigrants who arrived in the United States at the beginning of the last century. The search for the American dream, the expectation for a better life that ends up in disappointment. The painful life of women at a time when only men had a voice in society.

Fanbase Potential

Assume the narrative is further refined, cutting excessive dialogue, developing conflicts and characters better, and focusing on European immigrants and women's drama at the beginning of the last century. In that case, the film could attract a wider audience.

Awards Potential

It all depends on the development of the script. As it is, I believe not because despite raising relevant themes, the narrative loses strength on the dramatic side.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

THE IMMIGRANT: AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 20TH CENTURY, POLISH EVA AND HER SISTER GO TO NY IN SEARCH OF A BETTER LIFE, HOWEVER THEY ENCOUNTER AN ABUSIVE MAN WHO WILL DESTROY THEIR EXPECTATIONS. BROOKLYN: A YOUNG IRISH WOMAN MOVES TO BROOKLYN AND FINDS OBSTACLES IN HER NEW HOME.

What’s New About the Story

Although clichéd as a narrative tool, having a granddaughter telling episodes of an immigrant's life from her secret diary is an exciting choice for this story.

Lead Characters

Minnie, Leah, and Ann are likable characters. We know little about Ann because she is only the storyteller of her grandmother's tale, but the love she feels for Minnie and the affection she tells her story brings us closer to her. Minnie is the central figure in the plot, a simple yet strong woman who survives the most painful challenges and has never given up on love. Leah brings a lighter air to the action, for being a little girl who witnesses the abusive father but continues to experience her childhood universe surrounded by her beloved animals.

Uniqueness of Story

If the author expands internal conflicts and invests more in actions/conflicts and less in descriptive dialogues, the narrative would gain more strength and relevance.

Possible Formats

Film

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

It is a work in progress because the challenge faced by immigrants and women in the early twentieth century is relevant and draws attention. Having the granddaughter as a narrator and author of the script is positive because it makes the story more sentimental and complex. However, the script needs improvements in many areas. The story is good, but the narrative structure itself needs further development to achieve the desired result.

Tips for Improvement

To be recommended, first of all, the author should reformulate the dialogues. Some excesses sound graceful, poetic, and a bit childish, but the excessive use of words throughout the script makes the narrative tiring and less attractive. We already see what these characters are doing and going through, so descriptive dialogues are redundant. Making the dialogues less evident in each scene is a challenge for every screenwriter, but it's essential for this story. Due to the author's proximity to the characters, she has described too much of their feelings, but for the narrative to follow a more attractive path, the audience needs to feel with the characters and not just hear them talking. Having a narrator who connects stories is a resource widely used and even avoided by many writers, but in this case, the tool worked well. However, the scenes of the granddaughter could have a little more prominence. In addition to reading the diary and going through episodes in Minnie's life, Ann could experience her own conflicts and be more active in the story. How does getting to know her grandmother's story in-depth transform Ann throughout the film? It is a narrative layer that could make the story more complex. The progressive sequence of facts, since the departure from Germany, is very rich in details. However, as the storytelling is done through episodes from a diary, the structure loses its dramatic strength. It could be more appealing to tell pieces of Minnie's life, but maintaining a dramatic line that could be followed from the beginning to the end, even when starting a new episode in Minnie's life. The story is relevant, having Minnie's granddaughter telling the story makes it richer in details, but the narrative structure, dialogues, and character development could be improved so that the final result would reach the level the topic deserves.

Logline

My Maternal Grandmother, daughter of German Immigrants from The Bronx, lost her son and parents first 3 weeks January 1919 to The Great Flu. She tried life again in Chicago, met my Maternal Grandfather, horribly abusive. She showed me big tender love, kindness, her life ended by a hit and driver.

Short Summary

EXT. INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - DAY Walking toward a white church, ANNIE, a little girl and her GRANDMA MINNIE. The church bells toll 10 times. GRANDMA MINNIE Pick up that penny Annie. It will give you good luck. ANNIE But Grandma, you always tell me to pick up the pennies. It is your turn.


ANN (O.S.) They taught me to never give up. Do your best. From the Black Forest to New York, Chicago, Popcorn Ridge, to a home somewhere, create your own Closet Of Time and may it be a loved one. Be that turtle and always climb to the top, believe in yourself, no matter the obstacles.

FEEDBACK

As told from a Granddaughter's eyes, her Grandmother's parents immigration in the1800's from Europe to New York City, striving and excited to come to America, selling their farm, steerage ship passage, passing Liberty Enlightening the World, only to find the difficulties of surviving in The Bronx NYC, only to perish from The Great Flu in 1919. Grandma Minnie lost her parents and 7 year old son all in January 1919 of The Great Flu. Minnie loosing her family life pursues a new life in Chicago, marries, only to live and strive on Popcorn Ridge with an alcoholic abusive husband from moonshine hills of Vevay Indiana by the Ohio River. Minnie endures life, lives off the land like a man. Long gone are her big hats and lace dresses of New York City at the turn of the century. Long gone are the Sunday Family times in Central Park New York City. Now is the stark presence of the Full Moon in the dark of the night and a hoot owl which sits right by her bedroom window. Her husband does not return until dawn after his night at the pool hall and poker games. Life is men's work boots, flour sack dresses. She cries to sleep most nights. After the barn ignites with Minnie in it, they sell the farm and move to a city where Minnie in her 80's is killed by a hit and run driver. This was her American Dream. My Grandmother Minnie loved me and taught me so much. The Closet of Time is her Scrapbook she kept from 1890 to her death. We found her Scrapbook hidden in The Closet Of Time.

About The Author

This story is about my Maternal Grandmother, German decent is the love of my life. She was killed by a hit and run driver in Indianapolis Indiana, never found at age 86. She lived a difficult, difficult sad life beyond belief through the turn of the 19th century, her son and parents died in 3 weeks of The Spanish Flu. She married a 2nd time and was abused with no mercy by him. I have always loved to write poems, short stories, songs. I played the piano and clarinet. I love to travel and have been all over the world. I have started acrylic painting. I have a USA Patent on a fishing lure called The Dream Lure. I love life. I have not been sick since I began taking D3 in 2012. I grew up in Indianapolis and am retired from American Airlines. I have 2 grown sons, one is an Indianapolis Metro Policeman, the 2nd is a Millwright. I have 2 grown grandchildren. I am so excited to have the opportunity to share my Grandmother's story with you and I sincerely thank you so much.

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Characters

Main Character

Name: Grandma Minnie

Age: from age 5 to age 86

Gender: Female

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Aspiring,Adventurous,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Desperate,Engaging,Faithful,Heroic,Religious,Selfless,Visionary,Strong Moral Code,Honorable

Character 1

Name: Granddaughter Ann

Age: 4 years to 24 years

Gender: Female

Role: Emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Engaging,Empathetic,Obedient,Selfless,Visionary,Strong Moral Code

Character 2

Name: Lorenz

Age: 25 years to 45 years

Gender: Male

Role: logical

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Modest,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Honorable,Obedient,Patriotic,Religious,Selfless,Skillful,Visionary

Character 3

Name: Jacobine

Age: 23 years to 45 years

Gender: Female

Role: emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Confident,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Obedient,Religious,Patriotic,Selfless,Visionary