SUSPENSE, ACTION, DRAMA

Marilee witnesses a murder and the boy she likes , Jamie, knows more than he lets on. When her friends and siblings try to rescue their friend from the murderer, they get introduced to the criminal underworld. As Jamie and his brothers and friends rise in the ranks, they realize who is pulling the strings. Jamie and Marilee are in love but the "family" has other plans for them.

GOOD

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: GOOD

Theme: GOOD

Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.

The story begins with the band of kids at an orphanage. Marilee is contemplating why her father left her and her brother's at the orphanage. She dreams that he will return for them. The characters are all teenagers with typical teen angst that is perpetuated by the "family" they have all wanted.

The story focuses on the relationships and dynamics between the characters instead of the plot. There is a lot of drama there but it could be more concise.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that a group of orphans goes to save a friend from a murderer but find the "family" they have all been yearning for. They become deeply involved in the organization with many areas of their lives being controlled by the head boss.

This could have a large fanbase especially if made into a tv series. The story has many characters that would be best told in a longer format. It is a teen drama that has all the typical drama of its' genre.

This does not have awards potential as is. If the story was told in a more complex way and the character more mature, it could be taken more seriously. The tone of the story is very much teen drama which does not garner awards notice.

MEDIUM BUDGET

VAMPIRE DIARIES, THE ORIGINALS, THE 100

The story is not very original. There are many stories where young people fall into different nefarious organization in search of the family they never had or have lost. They decide they can no longer play by the rules and try to bring down the system and those who control it. To be more unique, the story could freshen up some of the typical troupes. There is jealousy, unrequited love, power struggles, etc.

The lead characters do not stand out. The characters are in survival mode most of the story and their actions are reactionary. They have distinct characteristics but nothing exceptional or out of the ordinary.

This is an average story. It is an easily digestible story filled with age appropriate drama. It has a teen drama tone and it delivers on that. It could be improved by elevating the story to a more serious tone. The circumstances are serious but predictable as is the dialogue. It could be more mature and create more gravitas for the situation.

TV Series: Cable, Streaming, Network

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

To change this to a consider, the story needs more focus on the plot. The relationships with the characters does enrich the storyline but it overpowers everything else here. There is so much dialogue and not enough action to balance it out.