ACTION

When Richard discovers that a treasure is hidden on an unknown island, he puts an ad in the newspaper expecting to get some extra info about this island. A homeless man reads the ad, and having the information Richard is looking for, starts a negotiation with him. The adventure begins when they initiate the treasure hunt, but two antagonists that Richard used to trust a lot will steal the treasure.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Not completely. I don't see Rita as an antagonist. She is, in fact, the protagonist's sidekick.

The beginning is not very catchy. The first pages don't sound original. It's a story about a rich man continuously cheated on by his wife and betrayed by his reliable employee. The treasure hunt plot also doesn't sound very original.

The turns and twists are a little bit childish. Who would put an ad in the newspaper to look for a treasure? Or the beat in which the homeless buys new clothes, and he is suddenly not recognized anymore by the other characters. It all sounds very childish.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The adventure itself is the hook. The treasure hunt is the hook. These plots should be further explored.

I don't think so. There are tons of films like this one, and it's not very original to catch people's attention and stand out.

Narratively speaking, no. It's clichèd, the characters are stereotyped, and the dialogue predictable.

MEDIUM BUDGET

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: AN ARCHAEOLOGY PROFESSOR LOOKS FOR A RARE ARTIFACT WHILE FIGHTING AGAINST ANTAGONISTS. TREASURE ISLAND: A KID FINDS A MAP TO A HIDDEN TREASURE ON AN UNKNOWN ISLAND.

A homeless as a protagonist of a treasure hunt's story sounds original. Since the author puts two opposite social classes face to face, he could further explore these differences.

The characters are too stereotyped to stand out. An unsympathetic rich man, a selfish and unfaithful wife, the good-intentioned and skillful homeless who becomes a rich man, and the traitor employee.

Not a rare gem. The whole narrative needs improvements. Maybe, if the author better develops the "adventure" side of the story and leave the drama of the betrayed rich man behind, the whole thing could become more attractive.

Film - Indie, Film - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

First of all, it needs to define priorities. Is it a treasure hunt story with an ironic/comedic side? Is it a drama of a rich man betrayed by his wife and his employee? Is it a crime story in which an inspector works as a spy? Is it a story that puts social classes on the debate? It seems that it has many subplots that don't move the story forward and make it even less engaging. Do we really need these two characters who come from opposite social classes? Why should the author put a homeless and a millionaire face to face if it doesn't change the story? Do we need the subplot of the daughter that is not close to Robert? Do we need a romance between Samantha and Cyrus? Do we need an unknown island that only the homeless know where it is? If the author, or the Screenwriter, chooses only some subplots and further develops the main one, the whole thing could turn into a more focused and attractive story. It's an adventure, it's fiction, it's a treasure hunt story. Yes, it is, but at the same time, it has to have some reliable elements to make us connect. Putting an ad in the newspaper to initiate a treasure hunt doesn't sound to be a credible idea. A homeless who buys new clothes and suddenly cannot be recognized anymore. An evil villain who ends up looking more comic than frightening. An inspector who witnesses a crime but let the murderer easily leave the island. Dialogue, characters, subplots, twists need enhancements. Everything sounds predictable, even with the entrance of a distant daughter and a homeless in the story. The dialogue tells too much, characters could be unique and more substantial, and the plot could give us some surprises. The genre requires some smart twists that could provide us with good surprises.