DRAMA

Julie is a small town girl who's heart gets taken advantage of while she's saving to go to college. Her parents convince Julie to give up her daughter for adoption so that she can graduate high school; although Julie is reluctant. Sixteen years later, the child she gave up for adoption goes through the same decision. Eventually all three generations are reunited, but tragedy awaits them.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: EXCELLENT

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: EXCELLENT

Structure: GOOD

Theme: EXCELLENT

Yes, the development pitch is particularly representative of the story. However, it is not mentioned how Julie and Maria are reconnected as adults through Marina's manuscript. By showing that everything comes full circle not just Marina and Seton, the inclusion of Julie will be more meaningful as the focus of logline and opening of the short summary.

The idea of a home for pregnant teenagers that is helpful to unwed mothers rather than a horror genre slant is refreshing. The positive and negative aspects of adoption are shown which add the the tension leading towards the unusual reunions which are what draws the reader to the two women.

Marina's boyfriend's negative reaction to her being adopted seems nonsensical as he has a little sister who is adopted and would have been aware of it as a child because Marina is not that older than him. Either he should not have the connection to the adoption to his sister or he should approve of Marina being adopted because of his sister The emotional intensity of the sudden death of Cordelia undercuts the reveals of Marina killing herself and Julie realizing their connection that are supposed to be the climax. By changing the pacing or leveling the tragedy somehow in drawing out the death of a small child, the other two reveals might retain more impact.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that history repeats itself where two teenage mothers are forced to give up their child for adoption only to be given the miracle change to reconnect with their daughter years later.

This could have a medium fan base of fans of historical drama. The original premise and positive aspects of adoption are a draw, but the dark turn and deaths after the reconnections might turn away some viewers.

This could have awards potential due to the dark subject matter and emotional range. The use of mental illness if done correctly has a history of being awards bait, however there is a fine line that could easily be crossed of loosing its emotional impact by having too many dark moments or too contrite an ending.

LOW BUDGET

GIRL, INTERRUPTED; MANCHESTER BY THE SEA, LION, THE HOURS, THE LIGHT BETWEEN OCEANS, JUNO, MONA LISA SMILE, THE SECRET LIFE OF AN AMERICAN TEENAGER

What is original about the story is that is shows both the positive and negative aspects about adoption. Instead of going to horror route, the story takes an emotionally dark turn involving death and guilt. Either having a dark tone throughout that will slowly build the tension or reducing the tragedy could tonally make the adoptions and reconnections more cohesive.

The lead characters of Julie and Marina stand out in that they as teenage mothers must make difficult decisions in giving up their daughters in order for the three of them to have wholly fulfilling lives in the future. Their ambition and unselfishness is admirable and their regret is relatable.

Some of the logic within the adoptions could be adjusted as Marina coming from a rich background is unclear why she can't keep her child with the help of her supportive parents, while Julie's decision is more justifiable. The tone is also very dark at the end and the shift could perhaps be more gradual to retain its impact.

Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Cordelia’s perception of herself before her death seems quite precocious for six years olds. Perhaps portraying her more like a child would increase her authenticity as a character. While the male characters are needed to create the conflict of needing an adoption thus should retain their outdated views, adding consistency to their lack of moral character would make their negativity to the baby news seem more naturalistic to their character. The third act and tonal shift regarding the climax at the death of Cordelia rather than the climax where the death of Marina and revelation of her connection to Julie could be adjusted to smooth out the pacing and voice.