Nightmare From Home

Lorraine Kocot lorrainekocot@gmail.com 1679982624827

MYSTERY

Future

L.E. Kocot

Logline

In a quaint little town, four young adolescent girls growing up together form a special bond of friendship as they share their early life's experiences together. They are more like sisters than friends. They belonged to a local girls' club known as The Little Angels Club.

Genre

Mystery

Short Summary

For many years they enjoyed taking part in various recreational activities such as hiking, swimming, crafting and more. The laughter they share and being there for each other is a gift of love. Now that they were teenagers, it was time to say goodbye to the girls' club.


What was going to be the best weekend ever of their summer turns out to be their worst nightmare of their life.

Setting

Information not completed

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Tragedy

Plot - Other Elements

Twist

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Main Character Details

Name: Susie, Jenny, Liz and Ann

Age: 13 years

Gender: Female

Role: Logical

Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Educated,Funny

Additional Character Details

Name: Mrs. Blanche and Ms. Cavern

Age: 40 and 30 years old approx.

Gender: Female

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Leader

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Development Pitch

Fun loving girls growing up in a small town enjoying their lives together with a special bond of friendship they felt like true sisters, not just friends. They shared laughs together and helped each other all the time. The group of four belonged to a girls club in their town and were now facing having to leave the club because of their age. The club called The Little Angels Club was for girls ages 7 to 13. Now that Susie, Jenny, Liz and Ann were turning 14, it was time for them to say goodbye to the club for girls. They were feeling old because they could not continue with the club, where they had so much fun and learned so much too, like how to swim, making crafts and even helping out many people in the town. What was going to be the best weekend ever of their summer turns out to be their worst nightmare of their life.

About The Author

I was born and raised in Newfoundland and have always enjoyed writing. My first start was writing poetry and then got into writing stories. I truly feel the love of writing to see many enjoy reading and watching a good show. My thought is to do what makes you happy and writing has always done that for me. I am a positive person who enjoys talking to many people and socializing.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54

Target Gender: Male Leaning,Female Leaning,Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Hard Copy Available

No

WGA Number

Information not completed

Genre

DRAMA

Brief

A group of teenage friends decide to go out camping as a last trip together. After some days of exhilarating fun, one of them mysteriously disappears to never be found again.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

FIRST PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

It does, but the author describes all the main characters in the space reserved for just one.

Draw of Story

The story about teenage girls who are best friends taking a last trip together.

Possible Drawbacks

The writing is excessively explanatory and repetitive. It should be written in a way that is understandable but also trusting the reader's capabilities.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The friendship between the main characters.

Fanbase Potential

Based on the friendship between the main characters, it could, but the drama and their relationship would have to be further developed.

Awards Potential

Not really, the story is too simple and doesn't seem to have appeal for Awards.

Envisioned Budget

LOW BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

STAND BY ME - FOUR TEENAGE FRIENDS GO OUT ON A TRIP WHERE THEIR FRIENDSHIP WILL BE TESTED AND CHANGE FOREVER. SEARCHING - A FATHER BEGINS A DESPERATE SEARCH ON THE INTERNET AFTER HIS DAUGHTER MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS.

What’s New About the Story

Such a positively built story ending up in a tragic note. However, the dramatic situation could be better developed.

Lead Characters

She is an adventurous and very friendly girl, who strongly values her relationship with her group of friends.

Uniqueness of Story

Not really. The story and the characters could be made more complex, as well as the writing.

Possible Formats

Film - Indie, Film - Streaming

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

First of all, the writing is too repetitive and it tries to explain everything too much. Some extensive revisions could make it more fluid, compelling and interesting to read. The overall narrative is also somewhat uneven. Most of it is filled with intensively happy moments of fun and beauty, but without real conflicts or any advancement for the characters. The twist happens too late in the story and it feels a bit rushed. So, there would need to be crucial changes to the structure and the narrative itself for the adaptation to be successful. Furthermore, it seems the book lacks a deeper exploration of these characters. Even though they are presented to us in a very didactical manner right at the beginning, it seems the things that happen in the story don't affect or enhance their personalities in any way. Therefore, in an adaptation it would be crucial to establish a closer connection between the actions and the characters themselves, making sure that both aspects affect each other in a thrilling and credible manner.

Logline

In a quaint little town, four young adolescent girls growing up together form a special bond of friendship as they share their early life's experiences together. They are more like sisters than friends. They belonged to a local girls' club known as The Little Angels Club.

Short Summary

For many years they enjoyed taking part in various recreational activities such as hiking, swimming, crafting and more. The laughter they share and being there for each other is a gift of love. Now that they were teenagers, it was time to say goodbye to the girls' club.


What was going to be the best weekend ever of their summer turns out to be their worst nightmare of their life.

FEEDBACK

Fun loving girls growing up in a small town enjoying their lives together with a special bond of friendship they felt like true sisters, not just friends. They shared laughs together and helped each other all the time. The group of four belonged to a girls club in their town and were now facing having to leave the club because of their age. The club called The Little Angels Club was for girls ages 7 to 13. Now that Susie, Jenny, Liz and Ann were turning 14, it was time for them to say goodbye to the club for girls. They were feeling old because they could not continue with the club, where they had so much fun and learned so much too, like how to swim, making crafts and even helping out many people in the town. What was going to be the best weekend ever of their summer turns out to be their worst nightmare of their life.

About The Author

I was born and raised in Newfoundland and have always enjoyed writing. My first start was writing poetry and then got into writing stories. I truly feel the love of writing to see many enjoy reading and watching a good show. My thought is to do what makes you happy and writing has always done that for me. I am a positive person who enjoys talking to many people and socializing.

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Characters

Main Character

Name: Susie, Jenny, Liz and Ann

Age: 13 years

Gender: Female

Role: Logical

Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Educated,Funny

Character 1

Name: Mrs. Blanche and Ms. Cavern

Age: 40 and 30 years old approx.

Gender: Female

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Leader