The Darkest Daughter

Lesley Fisher

Lesley Fisher lfisher0@outlook.com 5079631626394

GENRE

HORROR

    Core Theme

    GOOD VS EVIL

    TIME PERIOD

    20th Century (multiple decades)

    COMPARABLE TITLES

    I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, DEVIL’S DUE, THE QUIET

    CHARACTER LIST

    SALLY: 18+. LEAD. TRAUMATIZED AND DESPERATE.

    JOANNE: 30S. SALLY’S ABUSIVE ADOPTED MOTHER, THOUGH SALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE SISTERS FOR 12 YEARS.

    LESLEY: 27. SALLY’S BOSS AND LANDLORD.

    MOLLY: 20-30S. SALLY’S REAL BIRTH MOTHER.

    MOTHER MAHM: 50. THE MATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY THAT ABUSED SALLY AND TURNS HER OVER TO THE DEVIL.

    FATHER JOE: 50S. MAHM’S PARTNER, ABUSED SALLY WHEN SHE WAS A YOUNG CHILD.

    Logline

    Its about a young girl who finds out she has been adopted into a family that she has been estranged with her whole life. So she goes looking for her real family and finds out that they were waiting for her the whole time, only to find out that they have some real serious, deranged plans for her. .

    Target Audiences

    Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

    Target Gender: Universal

    Setting

    Starts off small town called Salvations, moves to City called Marrion.

    Based on a True Story

    No

    Publishing Details

    Status: No

    Starting Description

    Starts off with a young girl named Sally Fisher introducing her life with her family, her sister Joanne, brother in law Mike, and nephew, Reyon. Then she moves to the city from the small town and meets up with Lesley the shop keeper who takes her in and gives her a job and apartment.

    Ending Description

    Sally's deranged family has captured her and has forced her to become the dark daughter that she was meant to be, and the dark lord rewards her by giving her the life she wants of peace and happiness.

    Group Specific

    Information not completed

    Hard Copy Available

    No

    ISBN

    Information not completed

    Mature Audience Themes

    Extreme Violence,Incest, Language/Profanity,Nudity,Sexual Abuse,Substance Abuse

    Plot - Other Elements

    Happy Ending

    Plot - Premise

    Tragedy

    Main Character Details

    Name: Sally Fisher

    Age: 18

    Gender: Female

    Role: Emotional

    Key Traits: Desperate,Sexy

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Lesley

    Age: 27

    Gender: Female

    Role: Logical

    Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Visionary,Sexy

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Joanne

    Age: 30

    Gender: Female

    Role: mentor

    Key Traits: Aggressive,Complex,Faithful,Outspoken

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Mother Mahm

    Age: 50

    Gender: Female

    Role: antagonist

    Key Traits: Aggressive,Crazy,Power Hungry,Religious,Uneducated

    Development Pitch

    This story would be good as it has a different spin on how the devil will try and take over the world. There are so many stories and movies out there about the anti-Christ, but none about how he could have an army of daughters out there slowly taking over the world. This story is also good because it could also lead into other stories making it into a series very easily. With Sally, Holly and a priest hunting all her dark daughters and ridding the world of them.

    Genre

    THRILLER, MATURE AUDIENCE

    Brief

    A young woman who was abused growing up learns she was adopted on her 18th birthday. She leaves home to make a life for herself where she can be happier. She is, for a time, but she is being targeted supernaturally by her first family. They believe her to be the perfect sacrifice for the devil, and after luring her in they succeed in kidnapping her. She is raped and impregnated several times and gives birth to thirteen daughters for the devil, and she is then let go.

    Overall Rating

    FAIR

    Point of View

    FIRST PERSON

    Narrative Elements

    Authors Writing Style: FAIR

    Characterization: FAIR

    Commerciality: FAIR

    Franchise Potential: FAIR

    Pace: FAIR

    Premise: FAIR

    Structure: FAIR

    Theme: FAIR

    Accuracy of Book Profile

    Overall the Book Profile is accurate. There’s nothing incorrect on the page. Listing one of Sally’s traits as “sexy” when the only time we know of her engaging in sexual conduct is in cases of rape is questionable, though.

    Draw of Story

    Sally learns that she was adopted, and that her original family was terrifying, very early on. The is a great way to hook the audience in, as we’re then invited to go on this journey of discovery with Sally. Unfortunately, this element is dropped until Sally looks at the book of photographs some 20 pages in. It is then dropped again until Sally goes to the asylum and learns more in the last half of the book.

    Possible Drawbacks

    The writing style isn’t very compelling, and the story is slow to start. Besides Sally’s nightmares, very little occurs within the plot until the last third. Any way to advance the plot so as to help with the pacing would be a huge help to the book overall. Sally’s characterization is lacking, as are the supporting characters. It’s difficult to connect with anyone, and that’s a must for this kind of story.

    Use of Special Effects

    THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

    Primary Hook of Story

    The idea of Sally being haunted in her nightmares by horrific people who turn out to be her original family is intriguing, and it’s a great hook to a horror fan. If Sally better connected these nightmarish figures to the people she saw in the photographs, or even her own emerging memories, this element could be very compelling to an audience.

    Fanbase Potential

    No, due to the extremely dark nature of the story and lack of a relatable protagonist, it’s unlikely this would have a large fanbase.

    Awards Potential

    No, due to the horror genre it’s unlikely to have awards potential except in genre-specific ceremonies.

    Envisioned Budget

    LOW BUDGET

    Similar Films/TV Series

    I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, DEVIL’S DUE, THE QUIET

    What’s New About the Story

    The abuse that Sally faces is mildly unique, and the fact that she doesn’t manage to make it out of this horrific life until the very last pages. Making Sally a character with more personality, as well as with more agency, would help a great deal. The story could also be developed more cleanly, so that all of the connections between Sally and her old family feel essential. The fact that she’s kept captive by the devil (or maybe a cult leader?) for years is interesting, but it’s not explored on the page.

    Lead Characters

    Sally stands out for what has happened to her, not for her actual characterization. Besides wanting to not be abused or plagued by night terrors, it’s not clear who she is as a young woman. We don’t know her likes, dislikes, hopes, or dreams. She is forgettable, and, as sad as it is to say, the only interesting thing about her are the horrors perpetrated against her. She doesn’t get to fight back or have her revenge or even rise above it. Besides when she moves to a new town to find a job, she never has any agency within the book. This is short-lived, and it’s lost in the trauma she experiences overall.

    Uniqueness of Story

    In some ways, it’s a rare gem. Unfortunately, this is largely because of how horrific the abuse and assault that Sally endures is, not for strong characterization or compelling storytelling.

    Possible Formats

    Film - Streaming

    Analyst Recommendation

    WORK IN PROGRESS

    Justification

    The idea of a woman being used by a cult, or even getting impregnated by the devil, isn’t wholly unique, so that’s not a non-starter. However, that’s not what this book is mostly about. It is an extremely dark book, and there is rarely any levity to be found in its pages. What’s more, the premise would not be compelling to almost any audience. It’s impossible to root for the protagonist as she does not seem to have any goals. It would also be fruitless, as Sally is only given a moderately happy ending after being abused and/or tortured for her entire life. Even horror fans would be put off by the extreme trauma Sally faces, especially as she’s never allowed to move beyond it or grow.

    Tips for Improvement

    Sally needs to have more of a characterization. Right now there is very little sense of who she is as a person, besides what’s happened to her. Even though the novel is told in first person, the audience is never allowed to feel close to her. Until Sally’s memories come back to her, which happens late in the novel, she has no connection to her former family. Even then, it doesn’t feel like she really does as she spends virtually no time with them in the present day. They simply pass her along to the devil. In other words, they feel inessential to the story. They’re purely the catalyst for more terrible things to happen to her. It’s not clear what the story is trying to say, or why this story needs to be told now. Sally never has a goal, and she doesn’t even seem to care that years of her life were stolen while she was being repeatedly impregnated. This is a smaller note, but the book is in need of a proofing pass. There are frequent spelling and grammar mistakes, and it makes for a difficult read. There’s also a good deal of formatting errors, such as dialogue usually being tagged incorrectly. The dialogue is also very stilted, and no one sounds like a real person. Part of the issue is a lack of contractions, which can help dialogue to feel more natural. The tense changes from first to third person often. A full proof of the book by an editor would make for a much more professional read, so that the errors don’t detract from the story.

    Brief

    After learning that she was taken from a horrific family as a child, a young woman attempts to set out on her own from her abusive adopted family. Though she is at first successful in forging a life of happiness, she begins to be haunted by her original family in her dreams. They’ve been waiting for her this whole time, and they have no intentions of letting her go again.

    What We Liked

    A compelling story that puts a whole new twist on the familiar Antichrist narrative, this novel is a compelling option for an adaptation into a horror feature. Sally’s story shows us that we can never truly escape our past, and that it will always come back to haunt us — maybe even literally. Sally’s struggle to move on with her life and finally be happy is a relatable one, though she’s faced with hardship every step of the way.

    Film: Horror features have been a mainstay since the beginning of film, and for good reason. They never fail to find an audience, and it’s sure to help fill theater seats or contribute to streaming numbers. The fact that the story focuses on a young woman is another nice point in its favor as a horror flick, since everyone loves a “final girl.” The fact that this is a unique take on narratives involving the devil is also fantastic, and it’s easy to see that drawing in more interest.

    TV: Besides the protagonist, Sally, most of the rest of the characters are also women. This gives so much opportunity to cast predominately women actors, which could also be diverse for further representation. This is a great hook for both producers as well as an audience, and it’s easy to see it garnering media attention for keeping the focus on women. Horror TV shows are also fairly rare, even today, so that’s a great draw for fans of the genre.

    Key points: 1. Female protagonist
    2. Horror genre
    3. Stories about cults are popular
    4. Supporting cast is mostly women
    5. Unique take on the Antichrist narrative

    Synopsis

    On her 18th birthday, after a lifetime of being emotionally abused by her sister JOANNE and Joanne’s HUSBAND, SALLY learns that she was actually adopted. Joanne is her adoptive mother, not her sister, and her original birth family was even more horrific. Joanne gives Sally a photo album that will tell her more about her family, but she advises her to never open it. Now that Sally is 18 and feels no ties to Joanne, she gets a job at a town a few hours away and moves. She’ll work at a new grocery store and live above it, all thanks to her kind new boss, LESLEY. She and Lesley grow closer as they open the store together, though Sally begins having nightmares she can’t remember. One night she finds the book Joanne gave her, so she takes a look. Everyone looks dirty and unkempt in the photos, and she notices a set of TRIPLET GIRLS. She learns her family is being held at the Ramy Institute, which happens to be in the town she just moved to.

    She begins having terrible dreams of horrific people, which seem to be the ones she saw in the photographs. They feel so realistic they’re night terrors, and she’s getting no sleep. When she opens up to Lesley, Lesley persuades her to see a doctor. The DOCTOR believes she was probably so traumatized by these people when she was a child, that, even though she has no memories of it, it’s still troubling her mentally. The doctor gives her sleeping pills and advises her to go to the institute to see her birth mother for closure. The sleeping pills don’t help, but Lesley doesn’t think Sally should go to the institute. Joanne shows up at her apartment one day, as she’s tracked her down wanting to make amends. They get along much better now, slowly beginning to behave as though they’re actually family. Joanne also doesn’t think she should go see her family, as they’re so scary.

    Sally feels like she has no choice but to go to Ramy Institute, because her nightmares are getting worse. Joanne and Lesley come with her, but they’re not allowed in the room and must stay in the waiting room. DR. JOHN shows Sally terrifying videos of her birth mother, MOTHER MAHM, as well as the rest of her family who are held there. This includes two of the three triplets, because Sally herself is the third. Sally’s family supernaturally knew that she was coming, and they’ve expected her the entire 12 years they’ve been locked up there. Jones asked if she still wants to see Mother Mahm, and Sally feels like she has to despite her fear. Mahm tells Sally that she’s not her daughter, but rather the daughter of a woman, MOLLY, that the family kept enslaved. Sally and her sisters were kept alive because Sally was marked for “the season of the witch.”

    Mahm tricks Sally into leaning in close, and then she grabs Sally, throwing her into memories where she was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused in terrible ways for the first six years of her life. The only bright spot was Molly, who tried to protect her. Sally was treated differently than her sisters due to her mark, as the family knew it meant the dark lord wanted her. Sally wakes in the present day in one of the patient rooms, and Lesley and Joanne tell her she was out for five hours. They attempt to leave, but the hospital goes into lockdown, trapping them in the room. Sally can see through her sisters’ eyes as they stalk the hospital with the rest of the FAMILY, killing other patients and staff indiscriminately. Sally, Lesley, and Joanne manage to run to the parking lot, steal a truck, and get to the nearest police station.

    They believe they’re safe, and the police take their statements and send the women home to Sally’s apartment. Despite a protection detail, Sally is kidnapped in the night by her original family. She’s brought to a cave where she’s restrained, lying in wait for the dark lord to come and impregnate her. The plan is for her to be raped by him in the guise of other men and, over several years, give the devil the 13 daughters he requires of her. After she gives birth to the last daughter, THE LORD is kind of her, and releases her to finally live a peaceful life. She goes to see Joanne, but learns she killed herself as a result of Sally being taken. As Sally is leaving the house, Molly pulls up. She was finally able to track down Sally, and they live happily ever after together.

    About The Author

    "I'm typically a writer who usually writes children's books (Object of Balance), but decided to try something new. This time I wanted to try my hand at horror and go somewhat darker. I've always been a fan of horror, especially anything to do with ghosts, witches and demons.”