The De-Coding of Jo: Hall of Ignorance
Submision Type
book
Logline
This book is a meld of fantasy, paranormal and science fiction, with a strong appeal to young adult readers (14 years+). It is the first book of the AAA series, incorporating plot driven and coming of age stories of diverse, gender inclusive teenagers struggling with self-identity and belonging.
Genre
Young Adult,Fantasy,Sci-fi,LGBT
Short Summary
When a mysterious portal is discovered in the basement of the school's library, a demonic parasite turns her classmates into an army of sleepwalkers. 16-y/o Jo must confront the truth of her reality, her celestial identity, and reveal the mystery of existence within the false matrix.
Setting
Toronto, ON, Canada
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain,Internal Journey/Rebirth
Plot - Other Elements
Coming of Age,Meaningful Message,Philosophical Questions
Mature Audience Themes
Substance Abuse
Main Character Details
Name: Josephine (Jo) Mackenzie
Age: 16 years old
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Aspiring,Modest,Complex,Empathetic,Engaging,Outspoken,Faithful,Skillful,Visionary,Heroic,Sophisticated,Strong Moral Code,Leader,Underdog
Additional Character Details
Name: Nisha
Age: 16
Gender: Lgbt
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Badass,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Engaging,Skillful,Sarcastic,Secretive,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Insecure
Additional Character Details
Name: Reyes (Rey)
Age: 16
Gender: Lgbt
Role: emotional
Key Traits: Underdog,Adventurous,Aggressive,Clumsy,Complex,Desperate,Skillful,Funny,Secretive,Insecure,Naive
Additional Character Details
Name: Zaxden (Zax)
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Role: logical
Key Traits: Masculine,Aggressive,Obedient,Complex,Sexy,Patriotic,Religious,Empathetic,Skillful,Faithful,Heartthrob,Secretive,Honorable,Insecure
Genre
ACTION, LGBT, RELIGION, FANTASY
Brief
After her classmates are taken by an evil, demonic force, young Jo has to find the power within herself to free them and use love to win the fight against hate.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, it does, but the logline isn't really a logline.
Draw of Story
The set of teenagers struggling to find themselves.
Possible Drawbacks
The language used in the fantastical part of the story is hard to follow, turning the reading a bit difficult.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
A fantastical plot happening among common teenagers.
Fanbase Potential
Not really, because, even though the story is about teenagers, most of the elements probably wouldn't connect to them.
Awards Potential
Not really. The writing and the fantasy world created here are too confusing.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS - IN THE FILM, PEOPLE ARE REPLACED BY INVADING ALIENS. FALLEN - A YOUNG GIRL FALLS IN LOVE WITH A BOY, UNAWARE THAT HE IS ACTUALLY AN ANGEL.
What’s New About the Story
It is original to set an invasion of demons inside a high school. However, the two ideas could have a better connection.
Lead Characters
They are unhappy about an aspect of their lives, addicted to one drug or another and mostly repressed, but also really good people.
Uniqueness of Story
Not really. The fantastical aspects of the plot should be better developed.
Possible Formats
Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Cable
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The main change should be to add some further explanation about the mystical and fantastical aspects of the narrative. As they are now, it remains very difficult to follow and fully understand them, which is a really bad thing for the story. Another problem is the fact that the teenage drama present in the story doesn't seem to connect very well with the whole supernatural part. When hell breaks loose, it all feels a little awkward. In an adaptation, it might be good to try and intertwine both things in a more natural way. Some of the progressive aspects of the narrative are also somewhat weird and forced. It feels exaggerated, like an adult's view about how teenagers behave and interact with each other. Maybe consulting younger advisors would do the narrative some good and give a more spontaneous feel to it.