FANTASY

Marged has heard the stories of the cave in Wales where people disappear. Her visit to the cave introduces her to Caradoc, a timekeeper and hundreds of people lost in time. She is able to use the Time Stones to help the people in the cave who can not get back to their own time.

GOOD

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: GOOD

Theme: GOOD

Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.

The story starts with the myths surrounding the caves. Marged's father tells her many stories including one with her grandfather's missing sheep. Her and her brother do not believe the stories but Marged is allowed in when she touches the stones. She is gone for 2 hours but to her family she was gone a year. There is a innocence and childlike curiosity to the story because the main character is 11 years old. It sets the tone for a time travel adventure.

Some of the story goes on a tangent which doesn't aid in the plot. Marged is trying to get to the Wild Wild West show and has many adventures along the way but the end of the story gives too much time to the show. Some of the terms used to describe people are politically incorrect and insensitive. There were racial slurs used which were used depict racist White people but the amount it was used was unnecessary. Native Americans where referred to as Indians throughout which is politically incorrect. The language used was very stereotypical for Native Americans in media and should be updated especially considering the demographic.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Marged is trapped in a cave, not able to get back to her time. She begins helping the others trapped using the Time Stones to return them to their proper time.

This could have a large fanbase with children and teens. The tone is geared towards them. There is adventure, history and time travel.

This does not have awards potential. It is an entertaining children's story. It is solid but nothing out of the ordinary.

MEDIUM BUDGET

A WRINKLE IN TIME, ARTEMIS FOWL

The story is original because of the ideology around time travel. Marged also gets to interact with people of all time periods, races and cultures. It would be more refreshing to see people of color coming from time periods where they are not oppressed. Native Americans and Black people can be seen in other time in history that do not reinforce trauma and discrimination when they have rich histories outside of it.

The lead characters is an inquisitive and brave young girl who decides to take action and help those lost in time. She is a good character for the demographic who takes action when she sees people in need. Marged wasn't afraid to go on an adventure and help others.

This is not a rare gem. It is an average story with some fun elements. It could be more unique if set in a different place. Marged lives in Wales which is the site of the cave even though people from all over the world end up there. While Wales is not seen often in films, the UK is and this story can take place anywhere. A young girl who helps people get back to there time could happen in India, Afghanistan, Kenya, Egypt, Chile, Peru, The Philippines, etc. That is also an opportunity to learn about and explore other culture's views on time travel.

Film: Streaming TV Series: Limited Run / Mini-Series, Streaming, Cable

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

To change this story to a consider, more diversity and handling of race should be taken. There should be a driving plot possibly that the window of time to get everyone back to their time is closing because Caradoc is dying and it will end the time portal. Maybe there is an external force threatening to trap a famous traveler to alter time to their advantage. There needs to be more suspense.