ACTION, DRAMA, WAR

Mike is about to retire from Special Forces after 20 years in the military. He is recruited by a mysterious private firm that places him back in the Middle East. Using brain implant technology Mike is able to download his training and skills for each mission. He must take down a traitor within the Bahraini royal family.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT

Pace: FAIR

Premise: EXCELLENT

Structure: EXCELLENT

Theme: FAIR

The narrative is reflected quite well especially in the development pitch. Because the real world tech is explained in the pitch it could be removed from the logline in order to help make the logline shorter.

The idea that there is technology to download information into people's brains is controversial and unique. The setting of Bahrain is fresh and the action is fast paced.

The depiction of women is a bit flat and or static. It also seems biased as Connie is negged for being a powerful business woman who gets straight to the point but in doing so doesn't "have a personality" when many of the men on the operation don't really socialize while on missions while doing their job either.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Mike is a retired special forces soldier who gets brain implants to work for a private Middle Eastern security firm. The technology is only partially science fiction and has real world roots.

For an action film with new techonology (that isn't external weapons related) this could have a large audience. The cross-genre inclusion of the science fiction could potentially increase the viewership even further.

Given its genre this is unlikely to have awards potential outside perhaps the special effects or sound mixing/editing categories.

LARGE BUDGET

MATRIX, LIMITLESS, JACK RYAN, 13 HOURS, HARDWIRED, DEVIL'S DOUBLE

Being more explicit in what technology is being used and how it improves each mission would make the unique science fiction element more apparent. At present Mike is told he'll be ready and then he is ready but without comparison to his old soldier life and how the mission is impossible without the technology, it is hard to compare and marvel at the downloaded information in how it gives the security firm an unparalleled advantage.

Mike is a reliable and unshakeable soldier able to keep his cool and do his job in the toughest of situation. He doesn't need help but also is able to follow orders in team hierarchy.

The idea of fighting with military technology that downloads the information and skills needed but the soldier consents to the tech is unique. But the execution of how the technology is working is hard to decipher, and the pacing is slowed by explaining more how it works and the world it functions in beforehand rather than in its actual use on the Bahraini mission.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Changing the structure of the brain implant explanation to be more concrete after the fact during missions rather than abstract before the surgery might help make the pacing quicker in the beginning of story. Giving Mike and the supporting characters inner conflicts and transformation outside of getting implants would help showcase the stakes and add more tension to the missions.