SUSPENSE, ACTION, ROMANCE, DRAMA

Sean learns about his father's death from his dying mother. He enters the night life world in order to take down his father's murderer. The closer he gets to solving the mystery, the more danger he is put in as well as those around him.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: EXCELLENT

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Yes the book profile accurately describes the story. While the logline is enticing, ideally it would be limited to one to two sentences rather than four. This helps audiences comprehend the concept in a more digestible and quicker format.

The prologue set up that justice will eventually come for such a heinous act, and then the flash forward is filled with tension waiting for Sean to realize the truth both about his mother and his father's murderer. He gets so far involved in their lives before everyone realizes who each other are in the present day.

The pacing in getting Sean involved in Beau's world is delayed at the beginning with teh subplots of his dying mother and being fired. These could be established quicker in order to create Sean's main conflict in solving his father's murder. Those subplots do not add tension to the main conflict nor do they have lasting consequences to Sean's character development.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that the audience knows what the characters don't know such as Sean is trying to sleep with his mother and that his boss murdered his father. It allows danger to rise with a known outcome but unknown pathway to that end point. It becomes curious how far Sean will go for the truth.

The concept itself of a male strip club as the main cast but as a mystery could definitely hold space for a large audience. The tone would be key. The pacing would need to be streamlined depending on the adaptation medium, but this could have an audience based on its fun premise and unique setting.

Given the stigma of nightlife and strippers this is unlikely to win serious acting awards even though it has elements of a classic Greek tragedy. This could win popular awards depending on the adaptation medium and cast.

LARGE BUDGET

NICE GUYS, MAGIC MIKE, TRAINSPOTTING, KISS KISS BANG BANG

The stories originality stems from the setting and premise. By creating more obstacles related to solving the mystery of his mother and father rather than focusing on romances and subplots, the pacing would be faster and the tension more apparent. The women characters also all tend to be flat version of one side of the Madonna-whore complex. By giving the side characters, especially the women, more complex tasks and their own inner conflicts, they would become more dynamic and thus their deaths or deceit would carry greater emotional weight.

Sean is a survivalist who is filial and generous. Stacy is independent and strong for all that she went through while she was pregnant and putting up with her eventual husband. Beau is cold-hearted and shrewd.

The oedipal setup as well as the murder crumbs create a good mystery but there is more focus on women relationships who are inconsequential and the night life activities at time which do not add tension to the main conflict.

Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Adding more dynamic qualities to the side characters will create more emotional weight behind the high body count. Potentially keeping the secrets of the murder and Stacy's maternity of Sean secret longer might lead to interesting tension in hindsight and longer suspense as the plot progresses.