Evensong

Jerry Blanton jrite22@aol.com 3694053195930

FANTASY ADVENTURE

Other

Jerry C Blanton

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Logline

A group of warrior nuns is influencing an empire. A beggar/thief goes to the province of Santa Isabel where he hopes to profit from its disarray and becomes involved with the nuns' attempt to protect the province. He has many adventures and becomes a lord.

Genre

Fantasy,Adventure

Short Summary

A nun beheads the lord of Santa Isabel Province. This creates a void that attracts barbarians, nearby kingdoms, and criminals. The protagonist thief/beggar goes there hoping to find easy pickings but becomes involved with the warrior nuns to protect the province.


After many adventures involving trolls, gnomes, ogres, witches and demons, the thief/beggar becomes Lord Blue and with his favorite warrior nun raises his many children on his estate in the Enchanted Forest.

Setting

In the fictional Empire of Littoralia on the continent Kaanaa.

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Rags to Riches,Other

Plot - Other Elements

Other

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Main Character Details

Name: Wayne Robson although known as thief/beggar

Age: late twenties

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Confident,Empathetic,Faithful,Gracious,Educated,Honorable,Modest,Sexy,Skillful,Romantic

Additional Character Details

Name: Missy, who wants to become a warrior nun

Age: late teenage

Gender: Female

Role: Sidekick

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Aggressive,Charming,Decisive,Empathetic,Flexible,Faithful,Naive,Uneducated,Sexy,Blunt,Outspoken,Manipulative

Additional Character Details

Name: Dinya Rossary

Age: unknown (She is a witch)

Gender: Female

Role: tempter

Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Complex,Decisive,Flexible,Greedy,Sexy,Blunt,Outspoken,Skillful,Seductive,Sophisticated,Manipulative

Additional Character Details

Name: Sir Saussel

Age: late twenties

Gender: Male

Role: sidekick

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Aggressive,Confident,Decisive,Heroic,Honorable,Leader,Patriotic,Skillful,Strong Moral Code

Development Pitch

A nun beheads a local lord and becomes a legend. Wayne Robson, a thief beggar is attracted to the province of Santa Isabel. He survives by stealing or begging but helps the poor and unfortunate. The warrior nuns recruit him as a spy, and he serves them and helps defend the province from invaders. He wants to get into a convent to see how the nuns have become the force that they are. In this quest and disguised as a friar, he meets Missy who wants him to take her with him, but he suggests she become a nun. Although he falls in love with her, she decides she will become a nun. Once Sir Saussel is made governor of the province, Wayne is made forest ranger of the Enchanted Forest and the Blue RIver, which have magical and mysterious inhabitants. Later, because of his service to the nuns and the province, the transgender Emperor Saliente makes him Lord Blue of the Enchanted Forest. Since nuns are not allowed to appear without their habits and veils in public, the witch Dinya Rossary poses as Missy for the trip to the capital to receive his lordship. During the trip, they must fight against a secret society that is against the emperor and the nuns. He ends by welcoming many children and their mothers to live on the Enchanted Forest Estate with him and Missy.

About The Author

I have a BA from FSU, MA from FAU. I taught high school English for 10 years, worked as a bookstore manager 7 years, academic dean 7 years, marketing copywriter/proofreader 10 years, and adjunct English professor/tutor 20+ years. I have published poetry, articles, book reviews, and fiction (30+ books).

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Status: No

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

Information not completed

Genre

THRILLER, ROMANCE, MATURE AUDIENCE, DRAMA

Brief

Melissa's father dies when she is a young girl. Unbeknownst to her, he leaves her family with a great debt to another family. The son of that family happens to later by Melissa's professor and he wants his family's money back. Melissa and Professor Angelo play a game of seductive cat and mouse in order to get their way.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

FIRST PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

The logline discusses that Melissa's childhood was rough, but most of the book is about her as adult aside from the opening scenes. As Melissa appears rich and had a mother who was involved with her life, it is unclear why her childhood was so troubled outside losing her father. Ramona is also a supposed reason Melissa's childhood was rough, but there is little evidence as to why aside from that they don't like each other. Either removing this information as it is not the focus of the story or developing the rough childhood further in scenes would help match the logline description of this portion to the book.

Draw of Story

Angelo's mysterious interest in Melissa as a student is intriguing as there is clearly an inappropriate nature to their interactions from the get go. They have ill intent towards one another, but the murkiness as to whether it is to protect their family or self-serving is interesting. To see the evolution as to how their family's plans to use the children to use each other backfired is satisfying.

Possible Drawbacks

There are multiple POV shifts. While Angelo's and Melissa's opposite POVs increase the tension between the two their family members' POV detract from the tension rather than acting as antagonists.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is that Melissa's professor is blackmailing her about her dead father's debt to his family and she decides to seduce her professor to get out of paying it.

Fanbase Potential

This could have a romantic drama fanbase of women that are quite dedicated to the genre especially if placed around Valentine's Day.

Awards Potential

This is likely too mature in its romantic relationships to be in any mainstream award ceremonies.

Envisioned Budget

LOW BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SERIES, THE BOY NEXT DOOR, UNFORGETTABLE, SECRETARY, THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

What’s New About the Story

The power dynamic between Lorenzo Angelo and Melissa is very salacious. They are playing different games, but are equals. The nuance behind their blatant attraction to one another could be more subtle as it is a wonder Angelo did not get fired for his impropriety. Lacey is also an under utilized and great character with a far stronger dynamic with Melissa than Ramona. Lacey however is not given her own storyline aside from a crush so can still be a bit static as a side character.

Lead Characters

Melissa's sarcasm and Angelo's word games make their speech distinctive both in dialogue and their POV.

Uniqueness of Story

Making the professor male and the one that is more respected and powerful position is normative to most romantic thrillers. While the couple's chemistry is good it follows a predictive pattern. They face very little external conflict in the progression of their relationship until the mother's physical involvement towards the end and threats over the phone.

Possible Formats

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

Creating more dynamic arcs for the side characters will help create more emotional investment in them. Adjusting the external conflict to match the pacing of the couple's developing relationship increasing tension in their internal conflicts will help create a better balance between the two storylines.