Eclipse 2024 - Extinction
Submision Type
book
Logline
No one knows where the fog-like entity came from. We think it’s intelligent, but not in the way we think of intelligence, this thing has an evil malevolence about it. It’s cruel; it toys with its prey. We thought we’d won, and got rid of it, but in the end all we did was wipe out all life on Earth.
Genre
Action,Apocalyptic,Sci-fi,Drama
Short Summary
The opening of the story is of a meteor striking the waters off Belize, witnessed by a Mayan priest - circa 890 AD. A fog-like entity rose from the water and killed all it touched. The Maya succeed in trapping a fog-like entity, but do so at great cost.
Setting
Belize - cira 940 and Michigan 2024
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain,Tragedy
Plot - Other Elements
Twist
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Adam
Age: 35-40
Gender: Other
Role: Logical
Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Honorable,Selfless,Modest,Engaging
Additional Character Details
Name: Carol
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Role: Mentor
Key Traits: Decisive,Educated,Leader,Skillful,Aspiring
Additional Character Details
Name: Jerry
Age: 35-40
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Adventurous,Charming,Decisive,Educated
Additional Character Details
Name: Tom
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Adventurous,Confident,Modest
Genre
ACTION, DRAMA
Brief
An archaeological dig reveals an ancient Mayan seal warning of Earth's destruction. Flashbacks show the Mayans racing to contain a supernatural entity inside the cave that wipes out any life it comes into contact with. A solar eclipse in the future in 2024 unleashes the supernatural mist. The government and world make the problem worse by trying to kill it with nukes which only gives the creature more energy to kill. A group of scientists try to get it to escape into space but this idea ends terribly.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: GOOD
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The profile does summarize the core elements of the story although the development pitch could further elaborate the themes of the story outside of the plot. The logline is also told in first person plural which is different from the story which is told in third person. There is a typo in teh development pitch about the entity being put into the Mariana Trench as one tactic towards it destruction.
Draw of Story
The ancient Mayan seal being broken after its contents is revealed in flashbacks creates a foreboding fear of the destruction that is about to be unleashed on modern Earth by the monster.
Possible Drawbacks
The mist's goals are unclear which makes the rules and motivation of the eating hard to follow and thus creates a tension that has somewhat less ebb and flow as there are only high-stakes. Adding more reflection time for the characters to process the monster with some success and not just setbacks will help create tension in that they might have a chance to defeat the monster. The pacing and the tension will also have more investment as the outcome will be less clear.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that a solar eclipse released an ancient mist from the jungles of the Ancient Maya and over a thousand years later, despite the increase in weapons and tracking, humans are still defenseless against the creature.
Fanbase Potential
This could have a potentially large fan base due to its action genre and easy to follow plot along with an alien villain that is universal without alienating a group of people.
Awards Potential
Again while it could be commercially successful, due to the action genre and therefore limited character development, this is unlikely to gain prestige award nominations at present.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
INDEPENDENCE DAY, 2012, APOCALYPTO, THE ARRIVAL, THE MUMMY
What’s New About the Story
The originality of the story stems from the way the creature needs to be defeated and the cross-cultural cross time threat between the Mayan and the future. Consistently developing the pace of the Mayan story alongside the future solar eclipse drama would help the stories to feel more cohesive and the level of tension to match.
Lead Characters
Carol is wise, combative, capable and take charge with her direct manner. Adam is brave, trusting and kind.
Uniqueness of Story
The idea of the Mayan apocalypse before the modern trial is different, but the current apocalypse has unclear themes and side characters that could use further transformation of their inner conflict to increase the emotional development in their survival.
Possible Formats
Film: Streaming, Indie, Studio
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
Structuring the Mayan story to match the ongoing present conflict would help smooth out the pacing in providing matching tension and avoiding repeated threats with similar setbacks. Showing the side characters with clear inner conflicts and then showing their transformation would generate more interest in accomplishing their goals. Also refining the antagonist's motivation to be more clear would help make the concept easier to follow as well as increase the stakes for the potential of success to defeat the monster and not just a game of survival.