An Incredible Adventure

Francesca Santana francescasantana@gmail.com 1296278421563

ADVENTURE FANTASY

Contemporary

Francesca Santana

Logline

As Lisa is with her dog outside, she stares at a bright star in the sky and faints. When she wakes up, she finds herself inside a spaceship. The aliens that occupy it tells her that she needs to complete a mission in order for her to return home.

Genre

Adventure,Fantasy

Short Summary

Lisa meets Richardix, the leader of the group. She shakes hands with the rest of the team members. Her mission is to prevent a group of evil aliens from conquering earth.


She completes the mission but as she is about to return home, Factor, the leader of the evil aliens, attacks the spaceship and kills Richardix's crew.

Setting

spaceship

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Overcoming Monster/Villain,Voyage and Return

Plot - Other Elements

Meaningful Message

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Main Character Details

Name: Lisa

Age: 9

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Obedient,Outspoken,Heroic

Additional Character Details

Name: Richardix

Age: 31

Gender: Male

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Heroic,Leader,Sophisticated

Additional Character Details

Name: Factor

Age: 41

Gender: Male

Role: antagonist

Key Traits: Badass,Crazy,Criminal,Leader,Narcisstic,Power Hungry

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Development Pitch

Can you imagine that by just staring at a star in the sky you can end up in a spaceship and see yourself in an incredible adventure? This happened to Lisa, a 9 year-old girl. She ended up living for several weeks inside a spaceship. Richardix, the leader of an aliens group, gives her the mission to help them prevent Factor and his group from corrupting earth. At first, she wanted desperately to go back home but as she got to know them better and be able to watch the planets every day through a window, she began to like the experience. The short story teaches its viewers that its important to treat people well and to behave appropriately or otherwise karma will get back to you.

About The Author

I live in miami, florida with my parents and my brother. I was born in Venezuela. I am 29 years old.

Target Audiences

Age: 7-12

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Hard Copy Available

No

WGA Number

Information not completed

Genre

ACTION, FANTASY

Brief

Lisa is walking her dog when she is abducted by a spaceship. There, she meets the leader of the group, the friendly alien Richardix, that explains to Lisa what her mission is: Saving Earth from evil forces.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

SCRIPT

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: If it turns into a series (Lisa living adventures in the universe), it can have a fanbase. As a single story, I don't believe so.

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

The profile does depict the book.

Draw of Story

The hook is clear from the start. We know about the mission in the very beginning, and the story is easy to follow. Living an adventure like this and being responsible for something so important is part of many children's dreams, so the beginning could surely draw the audience's attention.

Possible Drawbacks

Not really. I was waiting for more, though.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

A standard 9-year-old girl is the chosen one to save our planet. She has no superpowers, but her kindness and persuasion skills make her strong.

Fanbase Potential

GOOD

Awards Potential

It could only happen if the animation or visual effects are responsible for enhancing the experience. Narratively, I don't think so.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

TEEN TITANS - TEENAGERS FIGHT EVIL FORCES TO SAVE THE WORLD. RIM OF THE WORLD - AN ALIEN INVASION HAPPENS DURING A SUMMER CAMP, AND FOUR KIDS WILL HAVE TO SAVE THE HUMAN RACE

What’s New About the Story

It's not original. The author will have to develop it further to find some originality in it.

Lead Characters

They don't stand out because there's no much info about them. We don't have the chance to know them properly.

Uniqueness of Story

Not a rare gem. The whole script can be improved. The author needs to add more elements to the story in order to make it more complete.

Possible Formats

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

It feels incomplete. Every single element needs improvement and further development. I can see some potential in the protagonist and her adventures in the space, especially if it turns into a series for kids, but we need more content and elements to start working with.

Tips for Improvement

I don't think it has to change, but it must be developed. The writing style shows inexperience. We don't have time to get to know the characters well enough to care about them. Everything happens and it's solved too fast. It's important to maintain the kid's attention with action, but it's just too fast. It lacks a theme that defines the goal of this story. Why did the author write this? What's is the goal? What's the internal journey of this character? Why is she the chosen one? Why does the villain want to destroy the human race? There are no answers, which is bad especially if the story is made for kids. The premise is too generic. It needs a special element to make it more unique. The dialogue is not that bad (especially if it is for kids), but it could be more interesting and mysterious. I believe the author is a young writer, and the story is not bad, but it needs improvements and further developments to be more complete, more appealing, more profitable.

Logline

As Lisa is with her dog outside, she stares at a bright star in the sky and faints. When she wakes up, she finds herself inside a spaceship. The aliens that occupy it tells her that she needs to complete a mission in order for her to return home.

Short Summary

Lisa meets Richardix, the leader of the group. She shakes hands with the rest of the team members. Her mission is to prevent a group of evil aliens from conquering earth.


She completes the mission but as she is about to return home, Factor, the leader of the evil aliens, attacks the spaceship and kills Richardix's crew.

FEEDBACK

Can you imagine that by just staring at a star in the sky you can end up in a spaceship and see yourself in an incredible adventure? This happened to Lisa, a 9 year-old girl. She ended up living for several weeks inside a spaceship. Richardix, the leader of an aliens group, gives her the mission to help them prevent Factor and his group from corrupting earth. At first, she wanted desperately to go back home but as she got to know them better and be able to watch the planets every day through a window, she began to like the experience. The short story teaches its viewers that its important to treat people well and to behave appropriately or otherwise karma will get back to you.

About The Author

I live in miami, florida with my parents and my brother. I was born in Venezuela. I am 29 years old.

Mature Audience Themes

Information not completed

Characters

Main Character

Name: Lisa

Age: 9

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Obedient,Outspoken,Heroic

Character 1

Name: Richardix

Age: 31

Gender: Male

Role: Mentor

Key Traits: Heroic,Leader,Sophisticated

Character 2

Name: Factor

Age: 41

Gender: Male

Role: antagonist

Key Traits: Badass,Crazy,Criminal,Leader,Narcisstic,Power Hungry