An Incredible Adventure
Logline
As Lisa is with her dog outside, she stares at a bright star in the sky and faints. When she wakes up, she finds herself inside a spaceship. The aliens that occupy it tells her that she needs to complete a mission in order for her to return home.
Genre
Adventure,Fantasy
Short Summary
Lisa meets Richardix, the leader of the group. She shakes hands with the rest of the team members. Her mission is to prevent a group of evil aliens from conquering earth.
She completes the mission but as she is about to return home, Factor, the leader of the evil aliens, attacks the spaceship and kills Richardix's crew.
Setting
spaceship
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain,Voyage and Return
Plot - Other Elements
Meaningful Message
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Lisa
Age: 9
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Obedient,Outspoken,Heroic
Additional Character Details
Name: Richardix
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Role: Mentor
Key Traits: Heroic,Leader,Sophisticated
Additional Character Details
Name: Factor
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Badass,Crazy,Criminal,Leader,Narcisstic,Power Hungry
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Development Pitch
Can you imagine that by just staring at a star in the sky you can end up in a spaceship and see yourself in an incredible adventure? This happened to Lisa, a 9 year-old girl. She ended up living for several weeks inside a spaceship. Richardix, the leader of an aliens group, gives her the mission to help them prevent Factor and his group from corrupting earth. At first, she wanted desperately to go back home but as she got to know them better and be able to watch the planets every day through a window, she began to like the experience. The short story teaches its viewers that its important to treat people well and to behave appropriately or otherwise karma will get back to you.
Genre
ACTION, FANTASY
Brief
Lisa is walking her dog when she is abducted by a spaceship. There, she meets the leader of the group, the friendly alien Richardix, that explains to Lisa what her mission is: Saving Earth from evil forces.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: If it turns into a series (Lisa living adventures in the universe), it can have a fanbase. As a single story, I don't believe so.
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The profile does depict the book.
Draw of Story
The hook is clear from the start. We know about the mission in the very beginning, and the story is easy to follow. Living an adventure like this and being responsible for something so important is part of many children's dreams, so the beginning could surely draw the audience's attention.
Possible Drawbacks
Not really. I was waiting for more, though.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
A standard 9-year-old girl is the chosen one to save our planet. She has no superpowers, but her kindness and persuasion skills make her strong.
Fanbase Potential
GOOD
Awards Potential
It could only happen if the animation or visual effects are responsible for enhancing the experience. Narratively, I don't think so.
Envisioned Budget
MEDIUM BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
TEEN TITANS - TEENAGERS FIGHT EVIL FORCES TO SAVE THE WORLD. RIM OF THE WORLD - AN ALIEN INVASION HAPPENS DURING A SUMMER CAMP, AND FOUR KIDS WILL HAVE TO SAVE THE HUMAN RACE
What’s New About the Story
It's not original. The author will have to develop it further to find some originality in it.
Lead Characters
They don't stand out because there's no much info about them. We don't have the chance to know them properly.
Uniqueness of Story
Not a rare gem. The whole script can be improved. The author needs to add more elements to the story in order to make it more complete.
Possible Formats
Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
It feels incomplete. Every single element needs improvement and further development. I can see some potential in the protagonist and her adventures in the space, especially if it turns into a series for kids, but we need more content and elements to start working with.
Tips for Improvement
I don't think it has to change, but it must be developed. The writing style shows inexperience. We don't have time to get to know the characters well enough to care about them. Everything happens and it's solved too fast. It's important to maintain the kid's attention with action, but it's just too fast. It lacks a theme that defines the goal of this story. Why did the author write this? What's is the goal? What's the internal journey of this character? Why is she the chosen one? Why does the villain want to destroy the human race? There are no answers, which is bad especially if the story is made for kids. The premise is too generic. It needs a special element to make it more unique. The dialogue is not that bad (especially if it is for kids), but it could be more interesting and mysterious. I believe the author is a young writer, and the story is not bad, but it needs improvements and further developments to be more complete, more appealing, more profitable.