ROMANCE, DRAMA

Karima wins the US green card lottery and arrives to her new country to work. She has to overcome a lot of people who try to take advantage of her both professionally and socially. Karima is very responsible and doesn't settle until she ends up with a great education, nice job and a husband who respects her.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: EXCELLENT

Structure: FAIR

Theme: GOOD

The development pitch introduces the many characters in the novelette and does not summarize the plot of development of the main character. The short summary about Karima staying true to her roots and falling in love despite cultural differences is not the main focus of the actually story, since it states many times that "she did this or that in a Moroccan way" and her fiance has no conflict with her about their cultures. By explaining to the reader what is typically Moroccan they will have a better understanding of Karima's actions being from her upbringing and not her personality. By focusing less on Karima' backstory and more on her forbidden office romance with Dr. Brian this will make the story match the summary more closely.

The idea of a young Muslim girl coming to America alone is rarely seen in Western media. There is not a lot of African coming of age stories through the perspective of an immigrant girl. There is also rarely cross cultural love stories and especially not featuring a Muslim woman and the main love interest.

There are many verb tense shifts, word choice errors, pronoun misuses and typos. By using spell check and having a proofreader these errors can be fixed. The novelette's dialogue structure is inconsistent and as this is in a prose style it could be fixed by switching to call conversations being placed with quotation marks. There are many characters introduced and many settings. Either by elongating the story to make each setting choice and character introduction meaningful with time to develop or shortening the scope of events and characters, the narrative will be able to have a greater emotional resonance.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is a Muslim woman's coming of age as an immigrant in the US, and also being the lead of the romantic plotline with a mixed couple.

This might have a large fan base for people that identify with the immigrant experience, being self-reliant, and or being a Muslim minority.

This could have awards potential depending on the genre it would be adapted into and the character arc leading to the range of emotions the actor must experience on screen.

LOW BUDGET

BROOKLYN, BIG SICK, COMING TO AMERICA, BODY OF LIES, THE RELUCTANT FUNDAMENTALIST, ONE DAY AT A TIME

The original part about this story is that the romantic lead is a Muslim woman from Morocco. Not only is her immigrant story underrepresented, but cross-cultural pairings are also rare in Western cinema.

The lead character of Karima stands out because she is focused more on her education and job for a better life rather than socializing and dating. That isn't to say she doesn't take care of herself and indulge in fun, she just does so in a more modest tone in line with her Muslim beliefs.

This story could be a rare gem if the execution is changed to focus on more thematically conjoined snapshots that leads to fulfilling character developments rather than a chronological hodge-podge of unconnected scenes. Muslim women protagonists are not characters pursued very often.

Film - Indie, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Make sure to proofread and check for grammatical errors and typos. Trying to narrow the scope of her experience will create a more intimate and follow-able character arc.