ACTION, SUSPENSE, THRILLER, DRAMA, FANTASY

Tiberius is a vampire that has been living in Troy for the last 60 years. He gets caught up in some nefarious dealings where his girlfriends is severely hurt. His sire, Deth, returns with shocking revelations of Tiberius family, time travel and how his grandson insures the survival of Earth and other dimensions. Tiberius realizes his immortal life has a greater purpose than he originally thought.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: GOOD

Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.

The story begins with Tiberius' daily routine as a vampire. Vampire stories evoke curiosity because there are many ways you can explain their origins and their life as immortals. The book includes many fantasy and sci-fi themes. Tiberius is a vampire, one of only 6, that he is aware of. He meets Deth, the immortal who turned him into a vampire, but who also travels through time. Deth introduces him to the concept of other worlds, dimensions and timelines. This is an interesting combinations.

The book is not formatted correctly, making it difficult to read. The dialogue is also formatted incorrectly. There are thoughts and dialogue mixed in throughout that are not designated to any character. It is left to the reader to decipher it. The dialogue does not stay constant with the characters.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Tiberius, a vampire, must help his grandson accomplish his goals to maintain the timeline of the universe. Vampires jumping through time and space is an interesting combination of genres that hasn't been seen much before.

This could have a large fanbase if the story is revised. Currently, it is a jumble of ideas not executed well. Fantasy characters tend to have a draw and vampires are a classic, familiar character that can be built upon in many ways. This story ends on another planet, in another timeline which would elevate this story and any sequels.

This does not have awards potential. The characters feel like caricatures. The author's voice comes through instead of having a distinct voice with character development, especially with Tiberius.

LARGE BUDGET

UNDERWORLD, JUPITER ASCENDING

The story is not very original. There have been many vampire stories done before. This story deals with time travel and other dimensions. It only touches on it because Tiberius needs to aid his grandson so that nothing changes in the timeline. It is set up for further development in future stories. If that were brought in earlier to begin with, that would make it more unique.

The lead character doesn't stand out. He does not have a distinct voice or personality. Tiberius sounds like the author's idea of a cool character. It is a random mix of things that don't create a distinct character.

This is an average story that could be developed into something better. The dialogue and writing take away from the story greatly, but there are elements that could make a great story. Tiberius learns there is a greater world out there and he has more power than he realizes. His girlfriend is turned into a vampire by Deth and they look into eternity together. Deth has been jumping through time and space to maintain balance. There are many themes to play up but it needs to be constructed concisely.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

The dialogue needs to be reworked. The author tries to do an inner monologue throughout the story but it's disjointed. Tiberius needs to be refined. He is the main character and an immortal vampire. He exudes 20 year old dude which feels odd when he helps is 40 year old grandson.