A Rose From The Executioner
ACTION MYSTERY CRIME DETECTIVE DRAMA SUSPENSE/THRILLER
Monsignor Kilbane of the Archdiocese of Chicago suggests the killing of retired pedophile priests with high dollar insurance policies to his syndicate childhood friend, Tony DiMatteo, who immediately rejects the idea. Now, old priests are getting stabbed to death and Kilbane doesn't have a clue.
Urban Chicago where a dead former priest is found hanging in the basement of his home, stabbed to death with a long stemmed rose underneath the body in a pool of blood.
Monsignor Kilbane is found relaxing on a beach of a remote, Caribbean island with the female insurance executive who assisted him in collecting the insurance proceeds. He admits to being the head of the religious cult that executed these pedophile priest murders for the insurance money.
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Plot - Other Elements
Mature Audience Themes
Extreme Violence, Language/Profanity
Main Character Details
Name: Detective Philip Dorian
Key Traits: Strong Moral Code,Selfless,Religious,Masculine,Adventurous,Aggressive,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Educated,Honorable,Blunt
Additional Character Details
Name: Monsignor Joseph Kilbane
Key Traits: Narcisstic,Religious,Power Hungry,Sarcastic,Secretive,Manipulative,Strong Moral Code,Unapologetic,Educated,Greedy,Criminal,Confident,Complex,Aggressive
Additional Character Details
Name: Olivia Laurent
Key Traits: Aspiring,Seductive,Secretive,Romantic,Heartthrob,Educated,Villainous,Charming,Confident,Criminal,Decisive
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Nobody Kills Like This Anymore... Detective Philip Dorian of Chicago's Sixteenth District is assigned to investigate the brutal killings of retired pedophile priests in Chicagoland. He later discovers that the Archdiocese of Chicago is on the brink of bankruptcy after paying up all of the lawsuits of it's pedophile priests victims. Monsignor Joseph Kilbane, second on to the Cardinal, meets with his childhood Mafia friend, Little Tony DiMatteo to put contract hits on those retired pedophile priests with large insurance policies, compliments of the Chicago Archdiocese. Little Tony rejects the idea, and Kilbane looks for other ways to keep the Archdiocese solvent until the brutal stabbing of these old priests start turning up around Chicago. Although he claims to have no clue as who the killer is, the Archdiocese is more than happy put in their insurance claims to the Great Lakes Insurance Company. Their top executive, Olivia Laurent becomes involved in the CPD investigation, and teams up with Dorian in his futile attempt at solving these murders. There is a serial killer on the loose killing the pedophile ex-priests, and no one can figure out who the killer or killers are.
ACTION, THRILLER, SUSPENSE, RELIGION, DRAMA
Philip Dorian is a detective in Chicago trying to solve a string of priest-related murders. Cardinal Kilbane alleges he has no idea who is next, but is able to collect the victims life insurance for the Catholic church. Olivia, the insurance agent tries to help the detective solve the serial killer case before the next victim, but she knows more than she lets on. Dorian figures out the murderer but it is too late to catch the killer.
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The book profile's logline and short summary focus on Monsignor Kilbane, when Dorian is the protagonist. It is better to reflect the plot through the perspective of the main character rather than the antagonist.
Draw of Story
There is a reverse red herring in that Kilbane requests the serial killings from the mob, but then after being rejected the murders start happening anyway. Kilbane is secretly still responsible for them but untraceable in his cult or the cult's reasonings despite early suspicion.
The pacing is a bit elongated especially in the first part of the story in trying to figure out the connection between the victims before trying to find the killer. While indeed the murderer and preventing more murders go hand in hand, it might quicken pace if the focus is more contained such as either finding out who the killer is or how to stop the next murder rather than both objectives.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that priests with little scandal are dropping like flies but there's no consistent evidence so it is hard to pinpoint on one person or group to track and investigate.
This could have a decent drama fanbase depending on how the genre is interpreted versus standard crime drama, religious drama or film noir. As a mystery this would likely have the largest of the three genres.
This is unlikely to have awards potential as the social issue of church abuse has already been evaluated and awarded by prestige players. However, if a new angle is introduced, and the noir is played up this could have a bit of potential.
Similar Films/TV Series
SPOTLIGHT, HANNIBAL, LAW AND ORDER SVU, DOUBLE INDEMNITY, ENTRAPMENT
What’s New About the Story
The originality stems from the motive and the cult added to the world building of the Catholic church murder string. Also making Phil less suspicious of Olivia and making Olivia more trustworthy would help make her betrayal and cuckholding more shocking of a twist.
Phil is pretty gullible and trusting for a detective, but also cynical. Kilbane is heartless and slippery, but doesn't pretend otherwise so is weirdly honest. Olivia is dishonest and a classic siren of opportunity.
Uniqueness of Story
The characters are likable and the plot is compelling, but the social issue and crime investigation is pretty standard.
Film: Streaming, Indie, Studio
WORK IN PROGRESS
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
Creating more apparent inner conflicts and transformation for the characters and a clearer initial objective would increase emotional investment and adjust the pacing.