A ruthless member of a radical sect evades Army Special Forces in Afghanistan and is sent to New York to activate a sleeper cell. He has an ingenious plan, but he hasn’t anticipated one thing: FBI Special Agent Kim Conrad.
The story begins with FBI Special Agent Kim Conrad. She's a whiz with numbers but has limited field experience. That changes when she's called on to intercept a serial bank robber, whose moves she has predicted. That leads to a transfer to the NYC field office, where she's soon in over her head.
Exiled to her family's farm in upstate New York after a botched operation, Kim finds the terrorist she's been tracking and joins forces with a sheriff's deputy who helps her confront him.
New York City, Afghanistan, Pakistan
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Plot - Other Elements
Coming of Age
Mature Audience Themes
Main Character Details
Name: Kim Conrad
Key Traits: Sexy,Complex,Educated
Additional Character Details
Name: Pashman Khan
Key Traits: Masculine,Complex,Engaging
Additional Character Details
Name: Lance Dennehy
Key Traits: Masculine,Skillful,Faithful,Insecure,Leader
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
A business school graduate who said "no" to Wall Street after being recruited by the FBI, Kim Conrad is a whiz at numbers. That skill leads to dramatic success in the Florida field office, and she's transferred to her home town, New York City, to trace suspicious wire transfers. Those transfers are to activate a long dormant sleeper cell, placing Kim in the crosshairs of Pazhman Khan, ruthless member of a secret radical sect. When Khan recognizes Kim in the society pages of the newspaper, the struggle becomes real, and deadly. In over her head, Kim finds an ally in Sgt. Lance Dennehy, formerly of the 75th Rangers, who is rebuilding a life shattered by war and terror. Isolated and alone, they confront their deepest fears.
ACTION, DRAMA, SUSPENSE
Kim is transferred to the NYC FBI office to help with a case of a sleeper cell organization making waves in the US. She gets more time in the field, pursuing the antagonist and trying to stop him from bombing the president. Pazhman moves from Afghanistan to America with a devious plan against the US but Kim and her colleagues are able to avert a major disaster.
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
The story follows a FBI agent, Kim, who isn't the typical alpha female, kick butt type of main character. She is not always certain of herself and her actions. She wants to be in the field but doesn't know how to go about making the change. She is a relatable character trying to do the best at her job.
This book drags on for too long. A lot of the information does not feel central to the story. There can definitely be some edits to focus on the plot and create more suspense. It takes too much time getting to the main events. Kim's relationship status and attraction to Harper feel forced. As soon as she arrives in the office, she is immediately concerned about a romantic entanglement with a new colleague she met 5 minutes before. It feels unrealistic.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Kim is put on a case to find a sleeper cell organization being stirred in NY. Her specific brand of expertise makes her the perfect candidate for the job. I would watch the movie for the action and female lead.
This would not have a large fanbase. Stories like this are all too common and do not grab audience attention unless very unique. This story is similar to many long running detective shows.
This does not have awards potential. The story is not unique and follows the successful formula of other crime/detective stories. The story is very black and white with little character development.
Similar Films/TV Series
LAW AND ORDER, BLUE BLOODS, CRIMINAL MINDS, QUANTICO, SPY
What’s New About the Story
This story is not original. A unique element to the story is Kim and her personality. She is not he cool, collected FBI agent who is seasoned and knows her stuff. Kim is still unsure about her position and has not been entirely happy with her time at the FBI. She feels like a normal person than a bullet proof hero.
The lead character stands out because she is a normal women. She left a career to become an FBI agent but it hasn't been everything she hoped it would be. She has insecurities that are showcased and isn't the uber confident female character that tend to be the lead of action films.
Uniqueness of Story
This is an average story that needs editing to make it more dynamic. There is too much time taken away from the plot. Every step each character makes is explained when more suspense and mystery would aid the story in setting the tone. Pazhman, the antagonist, is shown through every step of his journey from Afghanistan to bombing the US president's yacht. There is no air of mystery or shadow surrounding him and his intentions.
TV Series: Network, Cable, Streaming
WORK IN PROGRESS
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The romantic story line between Harper and Kim is unnecessary as well as her other romantic activities. While the relationship between Kim and her father enriches the audiences understanding of the character, it is given too much time. Pazhman actions could be revealed strategically throughout the story as Kim gets closer to figuring out who is behind the sleeper cell. Less is more in this case.