ROMANCE, MATURE AUDIENCE, DRAMA, FANTASY

A intertwined group of misfits wanders in an out of each other's life. Sometimes they influence one another for the better and sometimes they are very detrimental. Their saga and families span from Pittsburgh and Boston to New Orleans and Hollywood. They haunt themselves with memories of their messed up pasts.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The development pitch helps summarize the characters, but the actual character descriptions only list one character suggesting Zachary R. is the protagonist when there are multiple main characters. Saying psychically scarred is uncommon in its usage. Although correct it evokes more a supernatural mental scar rather than other people causing their trauma. The wounds that the characters face are crippled by later in life are mostly shown in their origins so are measurable physical and emotional abuse or events. Saying "psychologically" or "mentally" might be less confusing.

Zachary R.'s mixed timeline is a compelling reminder that people in asylums are, were once or could be again capable of an outside life with a family. Unpacking what led to people's troubling decisions or thought processes such as jumping from the Hollywood hostel provides tension as characters head down a troubling path but also provides understanding.

Having non linear timelines not only between characters but within the characters own narratives creates confusion at times as there is a lot to keep track of with multiple characters that aren't always intertwined yet. Either keeping the chronological timeline linear between characters or keeping each characters' timelines linear would make the structure easier to remember the details of the large cast of characters and their personal plot developments.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that the characters are all on the outskirts of normal society. There is a curiosity to what made them unusual and also how they function on a day to day basis both physically and mentally despite their scars.

This could have a medium size fan base as the depictions of trauma could be controversial to some groups who feel the representation is different than their own experience. The theme's message is somewhat unclear and there are few redemption arcs which is a storytelling style that is uncommon to Western audiences.

This could have some potential if the overall purpose and message are made more clear. Trauma in general is a solid source for conflict, but in and of itself needs a linear direction in order for the actors to feel authentic over the passage of time.

MEDIUM BUDGET

FREAKS, AMERICAN HORROR STORY, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, GODLESS, MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

There is a large scope of character traumas and lifestyles even within the same family just due to parent's options while they were raising their kids. This comparison between how a few small decisions can have a lasting impact is intriguing. Showing more comparisons between connected lives that have diverged over a single variant could develop this idea further.

Zachary R. is resilient and hopeful despite being heavily beaten as a child by his mother. Bernrd Red is entitled and rebellious despite his family background.

The premise of fringe people creating more fringe people and repeating the cycle of trauma has been portrayed in similar fashion before. In this piece the wording is much more poetic, but perhaps switching up the multiple third person POV to more omnipresent like Zachary R. could provide further unique insight to the trauma's execution.

TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

The non-linear multiple pov creates a large interconnected web of characters and timelines that is further twisted by giving each character a non-linear timeline. This makes following the character development more difficult so either by streamlining the characters to follow the same chronology or thematic development in the different parts or by streamlining the chronology within each character to follow how they will become interconnected could help keep track of their arcs more easily especially involving internal conflicts.