Prison Pyramid

Book Cover

ACTION ADVENTURE APOCALYPTIC CRIME DETECTIVE DRAMA EPIC FANTASY POLITICAL SCI-FI SUSPENSE/THRILLER

Future

Dax Xenos

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Logline

Well-known online government conspiracy theorist becomes a threat, gets set-up on false charges, is arrested, convicted and incarcerated in the Prison Pyramid, the largest building ever created, the home to 2 million convicts. Axel Storm becomes the pawn of prison czar Dr. Vladimir Zordic...

Genre

Action,Adventure,Apocalyptic,Crime,Detective,Drama,Epic,Fantasy,Political,Sci-fi,Suspense/Thriller

Short Summary

...his assignment allows him the run of the prison and he discovers that convicts are being re-educated to work upon release for Quackenbush, the world’s largest private security firm bent on taking over the world. Storm’s life in peril, he must find a way to escape....


but no one has ever escaped from the Pyramid. Storm must defeat automated robots and a monstrous guard, fool sophisticated electronic surveillance, find his way through a thunderstorm to a crystalized cavern, only to be apprehended by government men and escape again.

Setting

Texas

Based on a True Story

Yes

Plot - Premise

Overcoming Monster/Villain,Internal Journey/Rebirth,Quest,Rebellion Against 'The One',Voyage and Return

Plot - Other Elements

Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Philosophical Questions

Mature Audience Themes

Extreme Violence,Nudity, Language/Profanity

Main Character Details

Name: Axel Storm

Age: 35

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Badass,Aggressive,Charming,Clumsy,Complex,Confident,Crazy,Decisive,Desperate,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Flexible,Gracious,Heroic,Masculine,Modest,Sexy,Outspoken,Skillful,Visionary,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Underdog,Secretive,Sophisticated,Strong Moral Code,Lone Wolf

Additional Character Details

Name: Dr. Vladimir Zordic

Age: 55

Gender: Male

Role: Antagonist

Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Complex,Confident,Crazy,Criminal,Masculine,Villainous,Narcisstic,Blunt,Power Hungry,Skillful,Engaging,Greedy,Educated,Leader,Manipulative

Additional Character Details

Name: Dr. Carmela Kleo

Age: 35

Gender: Female

Role: mentor

Key Traits: Charming,Complex,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Obedient,Sexy,Skillful,Educated,Insecure,Sophisticated,Unapologetic,Romantic

Additional Character Details

Name: Darka Lane

Age: 28

Gender: Female

Role: tempter

Key Traits: Charming,Obedient,Sexy,Crazy,Desperate,Empathetic,Engaging,Romantic,Heartthrob

Development Pitch

Prison Pyramid can be a blockbuster feature or mini-series. It is a complex story with many interesting characters and locations - most can be created in a sound stage using green screen. This story ticks many boxes of viewer interest: crime, prison, sci-fi, romance, sex, underdog, man against the machine, etc. Strong male heroic protagonist vs. formidable villain with three strong female co-stars. The setting is vast and imaginative: the largest building ever built by man, one mile high and a mile wide across its octagonal base, home to 2 million convicts… imagine what atrocities could occur in such a place. The story is told through the eyes of the protagonist who experiences the inner workings of this incredible structure firsthand and must find a way to defeat the system and gain his freedom. And, this is just the first book in a three book series. Control of the world is at stake… Can one man – an amalgam of James Bond, Jason Bourne and Batman – save the people of the world from domination and slavery? Come on man. This is a great unique story. People will love it. It has to make it on the screen! I am easy to work with and ready to go. Thank you for your kind attention.

About The Author

Dax Xenos is the pen name of author who has made a career creating criminal justice-related educational documentaries seen by millions of people around the world in colleges, universities, institutions and government, including: American Law: How It Works; Civil Court Process and Procedure; Cognitive Psychology; Criminal Court Process and Procedure; Culture Identity Behavior; Employee Theft; History of American Criminal Justice; History of Psychology; History of World Criminal Justice; How to Tell if Someone Is Lying; Identifying the Violet At-Risk Student; Interpreting Nonverbal Communication; Loan Fraud; Money Laundering; Psychology of Criminal Behavior; Psychology, Criminality & Incarceration in America; Psychometrics I: Personality & Forensic Assessment; Psychometrics II: Intelligence & Ability Assessment; Religion Politics and Law; Robbery: The Aftermath; Teen Violence; Terrorism: Weapon of Fear; The Belli Tapes: Winning At Trial; The Extortion Set; The History of Sociology. He holds a PhD in psychology was a licensed general contractor in Florida. He learned about incarceration first-hand in a Texas prison where, as an inmate, he worked in the new construction office before becoming editor of the prison newspaper. His many publications and awards include a PEN fiction award for his short story, “Death of a Duke.”

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Status: Yes: self-published

Publisher: American Visionary Artists

Year Published: 2018

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

1-885832-52-8

Genre

ACTION, DRAMA, FANTASY

Brief

Axel Storm is set up and sent to the Prison Pyramid a vast network of two million convicted felons. There he must always navigate the lesser of two evils in a place where escape is not an option. When he finally does escape the clutches of Dr. Zordic, on of the prison heads, Storm is captured and put back to work in the prison by the government. In order to keep his family safe he returns to his old life in prison but surveils for a different boss with a bionic secret eye.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

FIRST PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

The short summary and the logline are interconnected in the profile. It might be better to separate the logline to summarize the entire plot in two sentences and then create a short summary which also explains the concept in its entirety but with more detail. This way the entire picture is known if only one section is read. The development pitch follows its function well, but it is unclear how Batman comes into play outside his self-sacrificing human relationships for the greater good. The narrative seems more science fiction and conspiracy based rather than the clear good versus evil of superhero action films so perhaps removing the Batman reference would better align the expectation of genre.

Draw of Story

The worldbuilding of the prison pyramid is intricate, creative, and intense. The twist that the government agents who rescued Storm in the dialogues also plan to use him in the same way to work for them in the prison was satisfying.

Possible Drawbacks

Because there is so much to explain about the prison and to set up the characters, there can be large blocks of exposition with little subtext which create unrealistic sounding info dumps and pacing fatigue. The women included in the narrative are largely also just romantic objects. Yes the women are smart and distinct and the prison is a men's prison, but there are powerful positions they could hold in the infrastructure of either the prison or in the prison espionage mission without being sexualized. The dialogue structure that give a trajectory to Storm's escape success take away some of the tension as to the mystery of whether he will survive or escape prison life.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

There are two hooks. The first is that Storm is put into prison under false pretenses but uses their instructions of respect and compliance to gain the doctors trust, access privileges and escape. However the second hook is when he does escape and is rescued by the secret agents he is sent back in to work in the prison.

Fanbase Potential

This could have a large fan base as mass incarceration issues are a discussion topic in today's political climate but also should be talked about more. The action is easy to follow and the universe built is a complex network of intricate settings and dynamic character relationships.

Awards Potential

Although dipped in the issues of criminal justice and prison for profit, the action treatment and science-fiction conspiracy laced drama make the film unlikely to gain awards in the more serious circuits. This may do well in popular awards shows however depending on how iconic Storm is as an action hero.

Envisioned Budget

LARGE BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

PRISON BREAK, LOGAN, CON-AIR, THE FINAL CUT, 24, ALIAS, GOOD TIME,

What’s New About the Story

The concept of the pyramid and its inner workings are very fantastical and yet realistic at the same time. Less focus on the dialogue scenes as they create flashbacks rather than progress the story would better emulate a more authentic confusion as Storm must have felt before his escape.

Lead Characters

Storm is upstanding and clever. He is opportunistic and yet loyal to those he trusts. Zordic is twisted and narcissistic and possibly sadistic.

Uniqueness of Story

The structure of the dialogue give away that Storm eventually escapes which strips the first part of the story of its narrative tension about Storm feeling trapped and hopeless. Although Storm works the system and loses his eye, having consequences for being a double spy to make him feel guilty could create further motivation and raise the stakes.

Possible Formats

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

Making the dialogue more nuanced and splitting up the exposition could help with the pacing of the worldbuilding. Structurally removing the dialogue chapters to increase the psychological tension could help authenticate Storm's world and thought process.