ACTION, FANTASY

Two friends, Danny and John, idolize Scarface in the near future, 2021. They witness a gangster being brought back to life with a miracle drug and take the drug by force. After a fierce gun fight, the two realize that the serum makes famous gangsters start apparating from the great beyond as well as from the silver screen.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The logline only explains what is already assumed in the title that the story will relate to Scarface. It is repeated in the development pitch as well as the addition of gangster rap. The short summary introduces the protagonist of Daniel but not what the main conflict will be. By adding the main conflict as well as explaining the premise that mass gangsters start reappearing after death and from fictional characters, the cameos will be more anticipated. The main character of Phoebe is also listed but not explained in any of the sections outside of character details.

The term gangster has changed a lot between the 1920s and the 1990s so it is fascinating to see the two different aesthetics interact. The normal gun violence that both share is given a sci-fi twist with the serum and it is surprising when bodies start coming back to life.

The main conflict is unclear and this is only the first part so it remains unresolved. The premise is told through a concept board before the story begins which delays the plot development. By shortening the concept board and lengthening the story, even if its a synopsis of the entire plot rather than the actual narrative, the story will be easier to follow and complete.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that gangsters from the 1920s and 1990s come back from the dead and start interacting. The style of the 1920s paired with the soundtrack of the 1990s along with two regular guys seems like a fun ride with a great aesthetic.

This could have a large fanbase if the concept is fleshed out and the genre is cemented. It is essentially gangster zombies and rap zombies which is really unique. As long as the main conflict is clear and the characters have supportable internal conflicts this could be a small blockbuster.

Action films are unlikely to gain acting nominations but this could possibly win design awards depending on the budget. The serum also gives this an element of science fiction, which outside of space also is a genre that doesn't have a history of faring well garnering nominations.

LARGE BUDGET

THE RETURNED, SCARFACE, SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, GANGSTER SQUAD, FREE FIRE, SET IT OFF

The originality of the story comes from joining the two stereotypes of gangsters into the same interactions. By having more conversations and scenes with gangsters brought back from the 1920s and gangsters from the 1990s there could be further depth and interesting conversations rather than just proving power with gunfire.

Danny is a bit of a longing fanboy but also tough. His friend John is sometimes humorous, but also loyal.

The concept of gangster zombies and rap zombies is rare. Though zombies is not exactly the right word as they are sentient, they are brought back from the dead. However, as this is just the first part of the book it is unclear what the main conflict is which is essential to defining and emotionally investing in a story.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Adding a second and third act and introducing the main conflict once the gangsters start reappearing will make the story easier to follow and emotionally invest in. The world building needs rules explained to help make the science fiction authentic. To make dynamic characters they should have more internal conflicts tied to the external plot and resolutions.