Hayward's Revenge

Book Cover

ACTION HORROR SUSPENSE/THRILLER FANTASY

Contemporary

Cailyn Lloyd

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Logline

After a child is nearly murdered, she and her mother flee, pursued by a shadowy figure, a chase that leads to an abandoned lighthouse. There, they face down an ancient evil with the help of two mysterious strangers.

Genre

Action,Horror,Suspense/Thriller,Fantasy

Short Summary

Leah MacKenzie and her mother, Dana, live an idyllic life in Illinois until a runaway car careens across their lawn, nearly killing Leah—a bungled attempt at murder. Now, they’re on the run, pursued by the same shadowy figure who killed Dana’s mother two years before.


They’re joined by two gifted strangers chasing a serial killer—their paths crossing at an old lighthouse, a place the ancients called the Doorway of Death. In a thrilling finale, they wage a running battle with their foe until the lighthouse is destroyed in an explosion. Not everyone survives.

Setting

Door County, Wisconsin

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Overcoming Monster/Villain

Plot - Other Elements

Twist

Mature Audience Themes

Language/Profanity

Main Character Details

Name: Lachlan Hayward

Age: 1300 years-old

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Modest,Complex,Decisive,Selfless,Empathetic,Skillful,Gracious,Honorable,Strong Moral Code,Educated,Leader

Additional Character Details

Name: Leah MacKenzie

Age: 5 (acts and speaks more like an 8-9 year-old)

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Empathetic,Selfless,Skillful,Educated,Honorable,Flexible,Gracious,Heroic,Naive

Additional Character Details

Name: Kiera O'Donnell

Age: 42

Gender: Female

Role: protagonist

Key Traits: Confident,Skillful,Adventurous,Complex,Decisive,Empathetic,Selfless,Outspoken,Educated,Honorable,Leader

Additional Character Details

Name: Willow Monroe

Age: 44

Gender: Female

Role: sidekick

Key Traits: Adventurous,Sexy,Complex,Skillful,Romantic,Empathetic,Flexible

Development Pitch

While there are elements of horror, this is a fast evolving paranormal thriller that opens with an attempted murder of a child. No ordinary child, Leah MacKenzie is psychic and wise beyond her years. Her mother, Dana, has been preparing for this day and is ready to protect Leah at any cost. They are joined by Hayward and Fynn Alden who are chasing the same dark character. Ancient sorcerers, they are well prepared to meet the challenge ahead. Dana MacKenzie and Hayward met in Book 2. There is a rich cast of characters including Kiera and Willow from Book 2 and a practicing witch who joins forces with the antagonist, Crom Cruach, plus a group of ghost hunters. The second half of the story is packed with action well suited to film adaption that includes chases, ruses, confrontations, and physical conflicts. Though third in the trilogy, the novel is a standalone that introduces relevant history through brief flashbacks.

About The Author

A lifelong writer, Cailyn Lloyd, spent three years living in a truly haunted house and experienced firsthand the nuances of strange and eerie places. Hayward's Revenge is her third novel, the highly anticipated sequel to Quinlan's Secret and the conclusion to The Elders trilogy. In addition to writing, Cailyn is an accomplished weather photographer. Her work has appeared in newspapers, textbooks, and magazines, including Life and Weatherwise. She is a composer and musician with three album releases to her credit. Cailyn lives near the Kettle Moraine State Forest in Wisconsin and when she's not writing spooky stories, loves hiking with her dogs and spending time with her children.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Status: Yes: self-published

Publisher: Land of Oz LLC

Year Published: 2021

Hard Copy Available

Yes

ISBN

978-0578832333

Genre

ACTION, FANTASY, DRAMA

Brief

Leah and her mother must go on the run from a mysterious shadowy threat that tries to kill Leah. They end up arriving at a lighthouse where for the first time Leah meets others who have psychic abilities like her. The two immortals and some scientists team up with Leah and her mother in order to defeat the threat, however not all survive the final showdown.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

For the most part the book profile does reflect the narrative although the development pitch is somewhat confusing. However the character details list Lachlan as the protagonist and do not include Leah and yet Leah is the focus of the narrative itself, logline, short summary and development pitch. By making Leah part of the character description and or changing the profile to be centered around Lachlan, the information would be more cohesive. The development pitch could also focus more on the book at hand rather than the series, as the information is not apparent to an audience who just experiences the single book rather than the series. Talking about specifically unique action moments could also help this section in order to sell why the narrative is original.

Draw of Story

Leah's doesn't understand her powers and thus when she is thrust into the supernatural world she is both an under-prepared child but also relieved to have others like her so she is not alone.

Possible Drawbacks

Sometimes when the characters are waiting for conflict to occur, the point of view switches while waiting for the same moment. This slows down the pacing and sticking to one perspective per mini-conflict before the big battle and in reflecting on the events would cause less dips in momentum.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is that Leah is both running from a threat and searching for a serial killer with the team of psychics. She is supported by powerful women and immortal men that bring complex backstories with each character.

Fanbase Potential

This could have a medium fanbase given it is an action film, but also has supernatural elements. The gaelic elements provide a fresh take on the supernatural genre and generate a bigger audience but could also fluctuate as niche.

Awards Potential

Given its action and fantasy cross-genre appeal, this is unlikely to garner serious awards circuit nominations but might gain attention in smaller awards circuits for its depictions of psychic phenomenon.

Envisioned Budget

LARGE BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

THE GIFT, MEDIUM, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, ODD THOMAS, RAWHEAD REX

What’s New About the Story

The originality stems from Leah being a child amongst a group of adults fighting a supernatural villain. She is treated appropriately as a novice and a child but also respected for her power and not talked down to even though she is younger and inexperienced.

Lead Characters

Leah is resilient and has a very keep perception for her age even outside of being a psychic. Lachlan is wise and self-sacrificing and seems a bit weathered by description in comparison to his normal all-powerful self.

Uniqueness of Story

The fantasy elements are definitely distinct, but the main plot of fighting evil magic is pretty standard although integrating Leah as a child with the group of adults is somewhat novel. Either focusing on one perspective of the events or lengthening the chapter break ups between characters might help streamline the pacing and make the narrative more cohesive.

Possible Formats

Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, Film - Studio

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

By changing some of the structure to either focus on one character perspective or create larger portions of the chapter break up dedicated to a single perspective for longer, the reflections and action would have a faster pace. The characters' inner conflicts would also be easier to follow with shortened gaps between each time they are the focus and have longer to develop if retained as the perspective for a greater period of time.