The Captive

Bakhrom Dzhakhongiri bahromjahon684@gmail.com 5352126152858

ACTION ADVENTURE RELIGIOUS WAR DRAMA

2000s

Bakhrom Dzhakhongiri

  • -
  • Views

Logline

Rassul Ahmad, a young, troubled soldier gets captured by a ruthless Taliban faction who after a year of torture threaten to behead him unless the Americans meet their demands.

Genre

Action,Adventure,Religious,War,Drama

Short Summary

The story starts from the middle, where the Taliban record a video torturing Rassul, then threatening to cut his head off next, unless the Americans release their captured commander.


With a sharp knife pressed against his Adam's apple, Rassul closes his eyes and utters his last words submitting himself to God he always ignored, and apologizing to his parents for being a horrible son he always was. This sudden and sincerer change of heart not only saves his life, but also...

Setting

Northern California, Afghanistan

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Internal Journey/Rebirth,Rebellion Against 'The One',Overcoming Monster/Villain

Plot - Other Elements

Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Twist

Mature Audience Themes

Extreme Violence

Main Character Details

Name: Rassul Ahmad

Age: 22

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Complex,Aggressive,Confident,Heroic,Lone Wolf,Unapologetic,Manipulative,Seductive,Romantic,Outspoken,Blunt,Villainous,Charming

Additional Character Details

Name: Abdulmalik

Age: 55

Gender: Male

Role: Antagonist

Key Traits: Badass,Aggressive,Complex,Confident,Crazy,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Heroic,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Leader,Lone Wolf,Unapologetic,Strong Moral Code,Sophisticated,Visionary,Skillful,Outspoken,Selfless,Blunt,Religious,Patriotic,Obedient,Villainous,Modest,Masculine,Adventurous,Aspiring

Additional Character Details

Name: Ahmad Zaman

Age: 50s

Gender: Male

Role: logical

Key Traits: Badass,Confident,Complex,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Heroic,Educated,Honorable,Unapologetic,Strong Moral Code,Naive,Skillful,Selfless,Religious,Patriotic,Obedient,Modest,Masculine

Additional Character Details

Name: Fatima

Age: 20

Gender: Female

Role: emotional

Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Charming,Confident,Crazy,Decisive,Engaging,Faithful,Flexible,Gracious,Heroic,Honorable,Naive,Strong Moral Code,Romantic,Outspoken,Selfless,Religious,Uneducated,Modest,Underdog

Development Pitch

Rasul Ahmad is a second generation Afghan American man in his early twenties who lives in Fremont, California. Rassul doesn't believe in God and hates religion which that makes his life difficult for him in his little and traditional Afghan community the most outspoken of whom is his religious father Ahmad Gul. To show his disdain towards his father and his principles, Rassul does everything that is considered taboo and vice in his eye from tobacco to alcohol, to tattoos, weed, and drugs. All of this causes a constant fight between him and his father. One day Rassul crosses all the lines by date raping an Afghan girl whose family demands a revenge with blood or a marriage to the girl he shamed which Rassul refuses to do and gets disowned by his father. Finding no other choice, he leaves home and joins the Army. Soon after, the September eleven of 2001 events happen and the war between The United States and the Taliban regime of Afghanistan starts. Rassul is among the first soldiers sent to war. He serves for three years earning many praises for his bravery while remarkably managing to stay unscratched. The army life though doesn't change him much as a person. He is still that same selfish rebellion person who now has some deadly skills up his sleeves. All that changes though when Rassul agrees to go on a secret mission with Navy Seals as a translator. In the mission, Rassul saves two women's lives from his unhinged Captain's murder spree right before the mission f

About The Author

writer, son of a storyteller, grandson of a poet.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+,13-17

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Status: No

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

Information not completed

Genre

WAR, DRAMA, RELIGION, ROMANCE, ACTION

Brief

Rassul is an Afghan American neer-do-well to women who is sent to the Army to shape up his behavior. Rassul is captured by the Taliban and tortured. Through the grace of his father's reputation, a heroic soldier in the Russian war, Rassul is shown secret small kindnesses to be kept alive. Rassul finds love and Islam under the threat of being beheaded by a fearsome warlord before he is freed.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

Yes the profile definitely is accurate the story. The development pitch gets cut off so it might be better to shorten the pitch to less summary in the pitch and then add more thematic reasons the story is marketable to that section.

Draw of Story

Rassul is very deplorable in the beginning so it is almost rooting for his demise before the slow transition to him being worth saving. The politics of the Taliban are also compelling.

Possible Drawbacks

It is very to find Rassul likeable and have emotional investment in his character after he date rapes a girl without remorse. While he goes through a transformation, his conflicted past seems to become simplified to learning survival and respect but there is no resolution for his victim and Fatima is left unaware what she is getting involved with.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is that Rassul is a troubled soldier who gets taken hostage and will be beheaded by the Taliban if he doesn't comply. The girl he falls in ove with is also the object of affection of his captor.

Fanbase Potential

This could potentially have a large fanbase with a different more forgivable crime to create Rassul's unlikability at the beginning. Taking a girl's "honor" is far different than actually assaulting her. By making Rassul conflicted but redeemable, his arc will have better emotional investment as the protagonist to define the popularity of the story.

Awards Potential

Unless there is a lot of character work done in Rassul's transformation either in religion or in gender politics, then this is unlikely to have awards potential due to its simplified ending.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA, DEVIL'S DOUBLE, CAPTAIN PHILLIPS, ZERO DARK THIRTY

What’s New About the Story

The originality stems from Rassul's situation of being hostage in love with his captor's crush during the War in Afghanistan. Showing Rassul's inner conflict and creating inner conflicts and transformations for the captor and Fatima as well will make their love triangle seem more realistic and nuanced.

Lead Characters

Rassul is redeemed to be self-sacrificing, loyal and brave although he starts out as skeezy and selfish. Fatima is kind hearted and also brave. Abdulmalik is naive but agressive and reverential of Islam.

Uniqueness of Story

The setting and later conflict after the capture are compelling but the first part of the story may be too off putting to allow full emotional investment in the protagonist's transformation. Making the protagonist less problematic and triggering in their crime could still allow for them to have to join the army as per his family's orders but also make him more supportable.

Possible Formats

Film: Streaming, Indie, Studio

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

Creating a more palatable crime and emotional arc for Rassul to learn respect would help increase emotional investment in his release and transformation. Adjusting the structure at the beginning to lead more quickly into the capture so as to initiate the inner conflict's actual transformation will also help adjust the pacing and focus on the main conflict.