ACTION COMEDY DRAMA EROTICA MYSTERY ROMANCE SUSPENSE/THRILLER APOCALYPTIC
Ashley Alleyne Alleyne Van-De-Cruize
The main character, Melissa, had a rough child hood and as a result, and interesting relationship with her mother. Her handsome professor is not who he says he is and knows more about her family than she does. He blackmails her and she in turn tries to protect herself through the power of seduction.
The prologue depicts a scene where a young Melissa discovers her deceased father, in the hands of her mother and her cousin. The novel then fast-forwards to her college years where her interactions with her professor show immense tension, along with witty, and slightly insulting banter.
The end of the story cleverly introduces a new character, Dr. Rampasatt, and there is, of course a cliff hanger. All enemies have gone their separate ways but not without injuries and not without a threatening promise of return.
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Rebellion Against 'The One',Tragedy,Overcoming Monster/Villain
Plot - Other Elements
Mature Audience Themes
Main Character Details
Key Traits: Badass,Confident,Charming,Manipulative,Unapologetic,Seductive,Sarcastic,Funny,Sexy,Outspoken
Additional Character Details
Name: Professor Angelo
Key Traits: Aggressive,Charming,Confident,Complex,Masculine,Educated,Manipulative,Blunt,Sexy
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Badass,Crazy,Funny,Sarcastic
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Villainous,Narcisstic,Sexy,Power Hungry,Skillful,Secretive,Manipulative,Unapologetic,Criminal,Crazy,Confident,Charming,Aggressive,Badass
Melissa is an outspoken young African American woman; she's incredibly strong-minded and very aware of her sex-appeal. Very aware. Her professor is a drop-dead gorgeous, olive-skinned Italian man with a vendetta against her family. She is initially, and for a solid portion of the novel, completely unaware of the secrets her family, specifically her mother, has kept from her. One of them being how her father actually died. Professor Angelo's intention is to use her; manipulate her; essentially take from her what her mother took from him and his family to gain his revenge on her mother. However, Melissa has plans of her own, when he addresses her with his plans of ending her family if she does not comply with his demands. Initially, Melissa met his approach with shock, but her best friend and her put their heads together and concoct a rather seductive plan. As we all know, these kinds of plans always lead to feelings getting involved, on both ends, yet they also both do so well with fighting said feelings, because they're both strong-minded prideful individuals. Professor Angelo, however, is a man of his word; he wants nothing more than to carry out his plan and take vengeance on her mother, Lisa. Now Lisa is a character. She's intelligent, manipulative and always ten steps ahead. As the story progresses, there are twists and turns, new characters, new challenges and of course an intense erotic love story growing. Their story goes on for a couple of books, so stay tuned.
ACTION, ROMANCE, FANTASY
Wayne Robson is a beggar on the island, Santa Isabel. He is recruited by a mysterious convent to be their spy to stop invaders. Robson meets and falls in love with Missy who leave him to join the convent. Robson is made a lord in gratitude for his service to the nuns and province.
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The short summary and pitch both mention Wayne Robson's prolific children, but they are such a small part of the story at the end of the chapters, that they don't seem important enough to mention in the pitch. The extra children do not affect Wayne and Missy's character or plot. Considering removing the idea from the profile in order to have a more focused piece that reflects the main ideas of the story.
Draw of Story
The mystery involving the murderous naked woman fleeing from the convent is a striking visual. It draws interest both to the woman's survival, why she killed the lord, and who the nuns are as well as the extent of their power.
Much of the dialogue is very direct without subtext whereas more realistic dialogue has nuance. By having characters be more subtle or show what they are going to do rather than talk about it, the dialogue could help provide distinct voices to the characters and add to their different dynamics.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that a naked woman jumps out of the moat in a convent and escapes into the woods only for the townspeople to discover later that a provincial lord had just been murdered there. It intrigues the reader as they wonder about the motive and the groups involved.
This is an original fantasy idea which can be harder to garner a large fan base without a built in literary series audience loyalty. However, the creativity and strong world-building could win over a medium size group of fantasy fans for being fresh.
High fantasy does not have a strong track record in the awards circuit outside of Lord of the Rings. Because there is magic and very little internal conflict the story will likely not be nominated for writing or acting in terms of big awards shows.
Similar Films/TV Series
LORD OF THE RINGS, PRINCESS BRIDE, TANGLED, BLACK PANTHER
What’s New About the Story
The order of the selfless nuns and their initiative to save their community through kind acts and physical protection are creative. The nuns are mainly seen by outsiders from afar, so seeing the nuns' insular power structure would add another layer to their characters.
Wayne is selfless and cunning like the nuns.
Uniqueness of Story
There is a lot of unique elements in the world building, but the powerful nuns are the centerpiece. Giving the spotlight away to Wayne even though they are the protectors feels like a missed opportunity in leaving the nuns so mysterious.
TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming
WORK IN PROGRESS
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
Making the dialogue more nuanced will enhance the realism of the world and give the characters more distinction in personality and dynamics. The beginning's focus on the secrets of the nuns and then shift to protecting the land through Wayne seems like two separate concepts. Following Wayne as a normal guy in a complex world is a separate pace compared to the fast paced world of the nuns. The nuns are very compelling so leaving them mysterious when they are the original focus feels incomplete to understanding their motivations and power. The nuns start out as dynamic but become static the more mythic they become.