Sentinels

Andy Lucas andrew-lucas@hotmail.co.uk 4597403811994

ACTION ADVENTURE WAR DRAMA CRIME MYSTERY SUSPENSE/THRILLER POLITICAL

Contemporary

Andy Lucas

Logline

Ex-RAF pilot, James Pace, signs up for the reality television event of the year. Oblivious to the evil truth behind Race Amazon, he soon finds himself alone in the jungle, being ruthlessly hunted. To survive, he'll use every trick the military ever taught him and follow one rule. Kill or be killed!

Genre

Action,Adventure,War,Drama,Crime,Mystery,Suspense/Thriller,Political

Short Summary

A pilot drives to a remote airfield and takes off in an old Harrier jet hidden there. The jet is brought down by an explosion and lost in the Amazon Basin, along with an unknown cargo. James Pace signs up to Race Amazon and is running the race when it is hijacked.


A plan to overthrow the legitimate government of Brazil and to contaminate the rain forest with nuclear material (dirty bombs) is thwarted by Pace and a team of covert agents from the McEntire Corporation (British ultra secret service). He signs on as a permanent agent at the end.

Setting

London/Essex, Rio de Janeiro, Manaus, Amazon Basin

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Overcoming Monster/Villain,Internal Journey/Rebirth,Quest,Voyage and Return,Rags to Riches,Tragedy,Other

Plot - Other Elements

Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Twist

Mature Audience Themes

Nudity,Extreme Violence, Language/Profanity

Main Character Details

Name: James Pace

Age: 35

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Modest,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Skillful,Romantic,Sarcastic,Heroic,Honorable,Badass,Leader,Strong Moral Code

Additional Character Details

Name: Sarah McEntire

Age: 30

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Complex,Confident,Sexy,Blunt,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Skillful,Funny,Gracious,Romantic,Educated,Sophisticated,Strong Moral Code,Leader,Unapologetic

Additional Character Details

Name: Max Hammond

Age: 33

Gender: Male

Role: sidekick

Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Masculine,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Selfless,Engaging,Skillful,Flexible,Heroic,Secretive,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code

Additional Character Details

Name: Doyle McEntire

Age: 65

Gender: Male

Role: antagonist

Key Traits: Aggressive,Narcisstic,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Blunt,Engaging,Secretive,Sophisticated,Leader,Unapologetic,Visionary,Villainous

Development Pitch

The story is essentially about a man trying to change his life, after being shot by a child when he tries to stop a street robbery. Barely surviving, he gains some temporary media fame which makes him valuable to the race promoter, Doyle McEntire, who signs him up to the race as a video diarist and competitor. The story is set initially in the UK but quickly moves to Brazil. It unfolds in Rio before moving to Manaus, allowing for contrasting city settings before the final transition to remote rain forest and river scenes. Within the race itself, dozens of diverse and interesting characters are introduced; some of whom survive the initial attack by mercenaries (paid for by a political character intent on overthrowing the legitimate government of Brazil and making himself President) and who join Pace as they try to get out of the jungle before they are hunted down. The story offers several sub-plots, allowing the scenes to move between multiple POVs. The premise of the race, and the use of the Amazon itself, highlights an ecological message whilst offering varied, exciting settings and scenery. Along with the conservation aspect, several minor characters are driven by their own need to overcome personal adversity or to champion a cause. The range of characters spans various backgrounds, races, religions and sexual orientation, allowing opportunities for social reflection. I see this story as lending itself to a series for television as well as to a stand-alone film.

About The Author

I am a UK author of 10 books. There are 7 in my 'James Pace' thriller series, of which RACE AMAZON: False Dawn is the first. I have based my pilot episode screenplay on this book, which was a bestseller in 2016, as part of HOTBOX, reaching No.1 in category (Amazon US/UK). It has also recently reached No.1 in the Amazon free boo charts when I ran a free promotion. Most of the sales I achieve are in the US. I have also published a children's book. poetry anthology and the first book in a science fiction thriller series. I have worked extensively in criminal justice (offenders and victims), mental health and education, which has helped me with character development and realism. I have a degree in scriptwriting and have also worked as a corporate video writer/director. I love to travel and write. I am passionate about conservation, ecology, wildlife preservation and have always been an animal lover. I also enjoy 4x4 driving, riding horses and motorbikes. Always up for a challenge. Married with three amazing children.

Target Audiences

Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Information not completed

Publishing Details

Hard Copy Available

No

WGA Number

Information not completed

Genre

ACTION, POLITICS, SUSPENSE, ROMANCE

Brief

After being shot by a child, Pace finds himself world-famous. A businessman, the owner of the successful racing reality show, invites Pace to increase the event's visibility. What Pace doesn't know is that this event is a background for a political crime.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

SCRIPT

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: GOOD

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

It is accurate.

Draw of Story

The story takes a while to engage, which can make it a little tiring. It starts in the forest in an action scene, but it is soon cut to Pace's professional day-to-day. It takes nearly the whole episode to get us back to the forest, where the action indeed takes place. I believe the author could go straight to the point, using a non-chronological structure to make things more interesting.

Possible Drawbacks

The dialogues are very explanatory, and that takes away some of the interest in the story. Making the audience feel partially "lost" in the pilot episode, revealing something more bombastic close to the end, would increase people's engagement. However, everything is extremely explained which makes surprise elements disappear.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The plot is somewhat out of the ordinary, which can be positive. A former air force pilot is shot by a child, becomes famous worldwide, and is invited to be a reality show cameraman. Everything seems absurdly disconnected, but it shows a multi-tasking side of the protagonist that can be interesting if better developed. The fact that the story takes place in two countries, England and Brazil, is also appealing.

Fanbase Potential

I imagine that fans of action and stories that involve political crimes may like the plot and Pace's character, but the structure of the narrative needs to be further refined to function well as an action series.

Awards Potential

I do not think so. It does not seem to have enough dramatic elements to envision awards. Maybe technical awards in the future, but speaking exclusively of the script, I think not.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

THE HUNGER GAMES: A REALITY SHOW IN WHICH PARTICIPANTS MUST STAY ALIVE UNTIL THE END. END GAME: A SECRET SERVICE AGENT INVESTIGATES CONSPIRATORS PLOTTING TO KILL THE PRESIDENT

What’s New About the Story

Being shot in the Amazon rainforest makes it more unique. The forest is known worldwide and is an appealing environment for many people. Pace is multi-tasking: a helicopter pilot, nurse, and amateur filmmaker. It can give the protagonist a more complex and less obvious aspect. If this diverse side were better presented, the narrative would be more enjoyable. Being shot in the Amazon rainforest makes it more unique. The forest is known worldwide and is an appealing environment for many people. Pace is multi-tasking: a helicopter pilot, nurse, and amateur filmmaker. It can give the protagonist a more complex and less obvious aspect. If this diverse side were better presented, the narrative would be more enjoyable.

Lead Characters

In the first episode, everyone seems clearly villainous or nice. I think the author could have held on a little longer before revealing the characters' temperaments.

Uniqueness of Story

It is not a rare gem. It is an action series based on a political crime planned to happen synchronically with a TV event. It looks like a fairly standard plot for the genre. It would need an extra dramatic charge and suspense with a surprising narrative to become unique.

Possible Formats

TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Network, TV Series - Streaming

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

It's a work in progress because it lacks elements to stand out in the middle of other action stories. It is based on a very familiar action plot - a television event will coincide with the planning of the presidents' assassination - and it would need more drama, better dialogue, a less traditional structure, and more appealing characters to look less conventional.

Tips for Improvement

The script's structure could be less chronological. The fact that the story follows a straight narrative line ends up making it a little boring. It would be more interesting if we got into the action right away and, little by little, we got to know the character's motivations, past, and the evil plan that is going on in the background. The dialogues are quite explanatory, too descriptive, which takes away the suspense and the wish to decipher subplots. Lines that could sound more natural and enigmatic would be essential for this sort of story. The characters' personalities are also "given" very quickly to the audience. We already know right away that Doyle McEntire is a villain with obscure plans. It removes all the fun of discovering who's who. James Pace is different from the stereotypical protagonist of other action series. Former RFA, who worked as a nurse, was shot by a child, became a world celebrity, and also has a backstory as a cameraman. It sounds like a complex and unusual character, but he could be handled more appropriately. I believe the author will present this protagonist, little by little, throughout the season, but I would like to see James adequately presented in the pilot. Some actions seem clichéd, like the fact that James is irresistible to women. This kind of attractive hero is expected for the genre, but the way it happens seems awkward. James is invited to act as a reality show's cameraman, and it sounds too odd. The action is there, the character is interesting, and the author has a series of books that can support the season's creation. Still, adjustments are necessary to make the final product more unique and remarkable.

Logline

Ex-RAF pilot, James Pace, signs up for the reality television event of the year. Oblivious to the evil truth behind Race Amazon, he soon finds himself alone in the jungle, being ruthlessly hunted. To survive, he'll use every trick the military ever taught him and follow one rule. Kill or be killed!

Short Summary

A pilot drives to a remote airfield and takes off in an old Harrier jet hidden there. The jet is brought down by an explosion and lost in the Amazon Basin, along with an unknown cargo. James Pace signs up to Race Amazon and is running the race when it is hijacked.


A plan to overthrow the legitimate government of Brazil and to contaminate the rain forest with nuclear material (dirty bombs) is thwarted by Pace and a team of covert agents from the McEntire Corporation (British ultra secret service). He signs on as a permanent agent at the end.

FEEDBACK

The story is essentially about a man trying to change his life, after being shot by a child when he tries to stop a street robbery. Barely surviving, he gains some temporary media fame which makes him valuable to the race promoter, Doyle McEntire, who signs him up to the race as a video diarist and competitor. The story is set initially in the UK but quickly moves to Brazil. It unfolds in Rio before moving to Manaus, allowing for contrasting city settings before the final transition to remote rain forest and river scenes. Within the race itself, dozens of diverse and interesting characters are introduced; some of whom survive the initial attack by mercenaries (paid for by a political character intent on overthrowing the legitimate government of Brazil and making himself President) and who join Pace as they try to get out of the jungle before they are hunted down. The story offers several sub-plots, allowing the scenes to move between multiple POVs. The premise of the race, and the use of the Amazon itself, highlights an ecological message whilst offering varied, exciting settings and scenery. Along with the conservation aspect, several minor characters are driven by their own need to overcome personal adversity or to champion a cause. The range of characters spans various backgrounds, races, religions and sexual orientation, allowing opportunities for social reflection. I see this story as lending itself to a series for television as well as to a stand-alone film.

About The Author

I am a UK author of 10 books. There are 7 in my 'James Pace' thriller series, of which RACE AMAZON: False Dawn is the first. I have based my pilot episode screenplay on this book, which was a bestseller in 2016, as part of HOTBOX, reaching No.1 in category (Amazon US/UK). It has also recently reached No.1 in the Amazon free boo charts when I ran a free promotion. Most of the sales I achieve are in the US. I have also published a children's book. poetry anthology and the first book in a science fiction thriller series. I have worked extensively in criminal justice (offenders and victims), mental health and education, which has helped me with character development and realism. I have a degree in scriptwriting and have also worked as a corporate video writer/director. I love to travel and write. I am passionate about conservation, ecology, wildlife preservation and have always been an animal lover. I also enjoy 4x4 driving, riding horses and motorbikes. Always up for a challenge. Married with three amazing children.

Mature Audience Themes

Nudity,Extreme Violence, Language/Profanity

Characters

Main Character

Name: James Pace

Age: 35

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Modest,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Skillful,Romantic,Sarcastic,Heroic,Honorable,Badass,Leader,Strong Moral Code

Character 1

Name: Sarah McEntire

Age: 30

Gender: Female

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Adventurous,Complex,Confident,Sexy,Blunt,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Skillful,Funny,Gracious,Romantic,Educated,Sophisticated,Strong Moral Code,Leader,Unapologetic

Character 2

Name: Max Hammond

Age: 33

Gender: Male

Role: sidekick

Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Masculine,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Selfless,Engaging,Skillful,Flexible,Heroic,Secretive,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code

Character 3

Name: Doyle McEntire

Age: 65

Gender: Male

Role: antagonist

Key Traits: Aggressive,Narcisstic,Charming,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Blunt,Engaging,Secretive,Sophisticated,Leader,Unapologetic,Visionary,Villainous